I find your questions so difficult to answer but I will nevertheless try to help you in the way that I know. However, be forewarned that there is no clear-cut method for healing and forgiveness. The process usually differs from person to person. If there's one thing that's sure it's that time can heal wounds. So don't rush it out. Take a breather. Calm your mind, heart and soul so that you can think and feel things through. Also, take comfort in the fact that you don't have to go through this alone. Seek the support and understanding of loved ones. Even if your BF is in rehab that doesn't mean he's ultimately a bad person. He may have lost his way but there is hope yet. For as long as we're alive, we have every bit of opportunity to bounce back and make a fresh start.