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My BF is in rehab

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Chipmunk21, Nov 21, 2015.

  1. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I find your questions so difficult to answer but I will nevertheless try to help you in the way that I know. However, be forewarned that there is no clear-cut method for healing and forgiveness. The process usually differs from person to person. If there's one thing that's sure it's that time can heal wounds. So don't rush it out. Take a breather. Calm your mind, heart and soul so that you can think and feel things through. Also, take comfort in the fact that you don't have to go through this alone. Seek the support and understanding of loved ones. Even if your BF is in rehab that doesn't mean he's ultimately a bad person. He may have lost his way but there is hope yet. For as long as we're alive, we have every bit of opportunity to bounce back and make a fresh start.
    Chipmunk21, deanokat and Winterybella like this.
  2. queend17

    queend17 Active Contributor

    I can't believe I'm about to say this but... Nag at him... So that you can get out all of your bad feelings, even if you start crying you can get your emotions out , so they don't come out/after him later on in the future... also once you're done nagging him give him the flip side about how proud you are that he's managed to come this far and continue to support him until he finally kicks his addiction... And live your lives together as you planned... So yeah... >wO
    Chipmunk21 likes this.
  3. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    The anger wouldn't help him out. Moreover, it would increase chances of him stucking in his addiction. He needs support and love on his way out.
  4. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    It would really help if you found an addiction counselor to get your feelings out. Since he's recovering, it could be detrimental to his recovery for any harsh negativity. I'm wondering if you guys could get into counseling together. I think that'd be really great! That way you can get your feelings out about how this all made you feel, and how you can heal and move forward!
    deanokat likes this.
  5. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    A counsellor is very important to have and you need to know that you are with the right one; they must offer support that is positive, stern and gentle at the same time. Their door should always be open and a good one knows when you are up or down and about to fall. They need to guide you and listen to you but at the same time their job is to ensure that you can yourself and this is with motivation. If they are not motivated then they cannot motivate
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Chipmunk21

    Chipmunk21 Member

    Has anyone here used suboxone, or dealt with a loved one who did? My bf was on for 2 months and after the 1st month started to wean off by 2mg a week from 8 mg. he's been off of it completely for 8 days and has experienced no bad withdrawal. Just feeling lethargic. I was just wondering could this be the calm before the storm? Can he experience bad withdrawal over a week later if his last dose was 2 mg?
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My son was on Suboxone for over a year. He also weaned off of it. He was on a very low dose (not exactly sure how many mg) when he went to rehab and they cut him off completely when he was in detox. He had no bad withdrawal at all. Was he a bit lethargic? Yes. But there was no storm after the calm.
  8. Chipmunk21

    Chipmunk21 Member

    Wow. Thank you so much!!!! I've been going crazy trying to find an answer or someone with any type of story close. How is your some doing?
    deanokat likes this.
  9. Chipmunk21

    Chipmunk21 Member

    That's what I am thinking. Some kind of counseling, where there is a mediator. We have a habit of shutting down in conversations.
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My son has been clean from heroin for 3-1/2 years. Things are going well for him.
    kgord likes this.
  11. Chipmunk21

    Chipmunk21 Member

    That is great to hear. I wish him and your family well!
    deanokat likes this.
  12. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yes, I think you should discuss this situation with your boyfriend's counselor to see if he can recommend people in the community that you and your boyfriend can use for counseling. It is one of the items that the counselor might be able to do for you and it could help with your situation. I would see what is recommended and follow up with it. Good Luck, and I hope your boyfriend knows how much he has put you is good of you to stick by him.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Scooby Snack

    Scooby Snack Community Champion

    I think the trust can be rebuilt by observing how he takes ownership of his issues and turns himself around. You can't do that for him, he has to be the one to put in the real work. At the same time, this may be an unpopular opinion but nobody should have to stick around in a situation that is making them unhealthy or unhappy. It's one thing if your BF is actively trying (and failing), and improving; it's another if it's just words but no visible action being taken, because then your support could just enable him (ie, he gets your attention and affection when he is down, thus after a while the dynamic becomes emotionally dependent and toxic).
    deanokat likes this.
  14. mayasupernova

    mayasupernova Active Contributor

    Trust is hard to gain if it is lost at some point in life. Only through a lot of love and understanding, and support, plus standing behind what you promise to someone, can one trust another one again. He is in a bad state now, but he is getting better, as you said. The fact you have been with him all the way is the best representation of love in my opinion. I am sure you can go over the anger, but you have to have some kind of support from him, and some assurance he would never get back to where he used to be.
    Good that he is doing the counseling and that he is getting there. But you are right, you will also need some type of counseling once your boyfriend is back home, to get the idea how you should cope with, behave around and with him, and be as supportive as possible, but always on the alert. Unfortunately, it turned out a couple of times in my surrounding that a person who had been in a rehab for drugs, but after he got out, soon he returned to his behaviour, using drugs again. So, be careful, ok? :)All the best!
    Chipmunk21 and deanokat like this.
  15. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    It might take you a while to ever trust again, OP, but don't worry, things will fall in place sooner or later. For now all you can do is hope for the best and pray he can battle that addiction. But you should really start thinking about what you'd do if he is unable to, like... would you stay by his side if he continued being an addict or would you leave? You really need to take that into consideration, just in case.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. HexWoman

    HexWoman Member

    I just want you to know I share your pain. I just joined this community a few minutes ago. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. He was heavily addicted to cocaine when we first met. He told me because of me, he felt inspired to be a better person. He was able to drop his addiction to cocaine, cold turkey. He distanced himself from all of his friends and acquaintances who were still using. He focused on getting his life cleaned up and making himself a better person. For the past 9 years, he has prided himself in the fact that he's been able to stay clean of the cocaine. He has still used marijuana and loves his beer. But he has been able to keep these other habits under control, and has done very well up until this past year. We live 30 miles apart, and have seen each other very little over the past year. Some of this was due to illnesses, and often issues with our children got in the way. I realized he was sinking down into depression early in the year, but I could not get him to open up and talk about it. He does not like to discuss his weaknesses openly, and our relationship has suffered for it. Last night, he finally confided in me that he was a slave to the cocaine again. He had been trying to shelter me from it, and did not want to drag me back down with him. He thought he could get it under control on his own, but now realizes this time it is bigger than him. He cannot afford to enter any sort of rehab program, and I do not have the resources to help him either. He is planning to start attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings this week. I am concerned because he is an atheist, & I don't know how well he will take to a 12 step program that includes a higher power. I am looking forward to following others on here to find support resources and encouragement. I love him with all my heart, & I want him to find the happiness he felt when we first met again. I want to feel that too! I just want you to know you are not alone in supporting the man you love. There is another good woman out here who has her own set of pains, but is attempting to put someone other than herself first.
  17. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @HexWoman... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend's struggles, but I'm glad you've come here for support. I'd like to suggest that your boyfriend maybe look into SMART Recovery meetings. SMART Recovery is an alternative to 12-step meetings and there's no "higher power" stuff to deal with. Here's a summary of the SMART Recovery program, from their website:

    4-Point Program

    The SMART Recovery 4-Point Program offers tools and techniques for each program point:

    1: Building and Maintaining Motivation
    2: Coping with Urges
    3: Managing Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviors
    4: Living a Balanced Life

    Our Approach
    • Teaches self-empowerment and self-reliance.
    • Provides meetings that are educational, supportive and include open discussions.
    • Encourages individuals to recover from addiction and alcohol abuse and live satisfying lives.
    • Teaches techniques for self-directed change.
    • Supports the scientifically informed use of psychological treatments and legally prescribed psychiatric and addiction medication.
    • Works on substance abuse, alcohol abuse, addiction and drug abuse as complex maladaptive behaviors with possible physiological factors.
    • Evolves as scientific knowledge in addiction recovery evolves.
    • Differs from Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and other 12-step programs.