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My boyfriend is a heroin addict.

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Sammy58, May 11, 2015.

  1. Sammy58

    Sammy58 Member

    my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He's a great guy and so our friends consider him to be the life of the party. Unfortunately I found out a month ago that he has been doing heroin for the past year when I thought he was having problems with Percocets....back in January I got my wisdom teeth taken out and they have me Percs for the pain. I started to abuse them after awhile. I had issues with my boyfriend doing what I thought were Percs, but one day I just gave in and asked him for some of his. He told me that it was perc 30's and it was going to be strong, at this point I didn't care. So until the end of March I was addicted to what I thought were Percs. When I decided to get clean I found out from his friend that my boyfriend was actually giving me heroin the entire time...I feel so betrayed and disgusted in myself. If I had known what it was, I would have never touched it. Long story short my boyfriend feels awful about it. He didn't want to lose me, but now he can't stop doing it. He's so bad into it he may lose his job. His family has no idea, and only a couple of his friends know, but they are also addicts. I feel so alone and guilty all the time. I don't know what to do to help him.
    sunflogun likes this.
  2. Danyell

    Danyell Community Champion

    You should congratulate yourself for quitting the heroin when you found out. I am a heroin addict have been shooting up for years now. I know in my personal experience that loved ones trying to help me and tell me I need to change has never worked for me. Sadly, the only way most of us addicts actually change is if we do it for ourselves and only ourselves. In the big book from AA it says "frothy emotional appeal seldom suffices". Which I find is very true. In my experience, I would say that just being there for him, and offering support or just someone to talk to that will not be judgmental is what most of us need the most.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Agree with Danyell! As with most addictions, the one who is hooked up in drugs, alcohol or substance abuse will ignore your advice and may even feel offended and angry, because once into addiction, anyone trying to persuade us to stop becomes our enemy to say the least.

    Staying by his side depends much on how the risk to get you doing heroin could be, but the most advisable is put some distance in between, letting him know that, indeed, you are there for him, but you can't share his love with heroin so he will have to make a choice to enjoy the good old days together.
    Danyell likes this.
  4. DCMY

    DCMY Member

    I agree with the previous statements. The situation is such that you have to act very delicately. To quit such a substance is truly an accomplishment. Before you do anything you should think what's the smartest thing to do. These people before me have given you some great advice. If you love him, then your heart is telling you not to give up. If his addiction goes on it will affect you more and more and you might end up in a very bad place. Do what you think is the best for you.
  5. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    That's really sad. I'm really sorry to hear about that and I really hope he wants to quit because it will really help where you can actually know your position. If he wants to quit, you can be supporting to him and loving and caring so that even if he fails he receives forgiveness. If you figured out he doesn't want to quit, I don't know where would that lead but I'm sure there's hope where he realizes he needs to stop. Best of luck Sammy.
  6. Sammy58

    Sammy58 Member

    Thank you, everyone so much for replying. I recently just realized that when I thought I was being supportive to my boyfriend, I really was nagging and trying to control the situation. It's going to be tough to not want to do that anymore because I just so badly want him to be better. You all are right. I need to try to be a supportive girlfriend, rather than being mean to him. It's hard to do this when I wake up every morning and see him passed out on his dope, or see him getting high before 9am. I'm so sad and angry all the time. I'm trying to understand where he's coming from. It's just difficult..
    sunflogun likes this.
  7. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    That is one sad story sammy and like all the others I am really glad that you managed to get out of it. I feel that you need to be supportive if he wants to quit, that needs to be the bottom line, to quit the addiction.
  8. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I don't think what he did was right but I understand if you think you should stay around and help him get better but that's only if he does want to get better since it doesn't sound to me like he is able to regulate his addiction by himself in a responsible way. Deception in a relationship is very hard to mend but it can be done if both of you are able to objectively tackle each issue.
  9. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Both of you should first consult a substance abuse counselor for advice. You may opt to join the nearest offline support group but assess its program to see if it suits your requirements. It doesn't matter how or where you start as long as you make an effort before everything is too late for either of you. Hope isn't lost yet.
    stariie likes this.
  10. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    Control your emotions. It's hard. But the best way to tackle this situation is to "respond", and not "react". There's a fine line between those two words. Talk to him. It's a hard phase, but like everything "This Too Shall Pass".
  11. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    That is a good advice calicer. When we have the capacity to think and to act rationally we have a lot more to gain than by responding emotionally, that can lead to irreparable damage.
    calicer1996 likes this.
  12. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    Why do you feel guilty? You were mislead. It's not on you that this occurred. However, if you feel like something in you was alerting you to the fact that you were doing something you should have avoided but ignored it in order to continue getting high? Yes, you may be more responsible than you are giving yourself credit for.
  13. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    Feeling guilty doesn't solve anything, feeling responsible on the other hand might lead to positive action. You have your share of responsibility, but ultimately it's not your call.
  14. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    Heroin is a hard drug to beat, but it can be done, you have done it, so you know this to be true. Be patient and seek some kind of support. Look online, and go in person to places that can help you deal with his behavior since he still doesn't have a strong desire to get clean yet. Even though you love him, you have to take care of yourself right now. Hopefully he will come around soon, he has to want to quit.
  15. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    You guys should watch "Requiem For A Dream" together. It relates with you on so many levels. I am sure it will help.
    Get all the help and support you can get.
  16. Danyell

    Danyell Community Champion

    I personally would not advise watching that with the agenda of getting him clean. Yes, the movie depicts the terrible things that a heroin addiction can lead to. I myself am a heroin addict and our addict brains only see the use, and the incredible high. To anyone who is not an addict, they see "don't use" throughout the WHOLE movie. For me at least, it is a HUGE trigger and does more bad than good.
  17. calicer1996

    calicer1996 Community Champion

    That was an eye opener! Really, I never thought this from the addict's POV. Thank you for that information.
    Last edited: May 23, 2015
    Danyell likes this.