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My boyfriend is a meth addict

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by sliminatorbacon, Feb 9, 2017.

  1. My boyfriend is a meth addict. I don't know how long he has been addicted, but he wants to get clean. His roomate, is also a meth addict. I have never touched it, nor will I ever.
    His roomate has went to rehab for it. He was clean for a couple weeks. Until he relapsed. I guess I am looking for advice.. they both want to get clean. Does anyone have any advice for me? To help them? Help myself?
    I love him dearly, and I care for his roomate too, but there is no hell like loving an addict. When he goes on a binge (couple days to a week) it's like he's a totally different person. Doesn't care about me, or my feelings. But when he's off of it (they will stay off of it for a week or 2 at a time) he is the most awesome person ever. The one I fell in love with. I'm at my last ditch effort. I don't want to leave, but I can't continue to put myself through the pain of it when he binges. I also don't want to see them get busted, and me go down for something I have no part, and want no part of. They are both spectacular indivduals. I want to see them get clean, and stay clean.
    roseannepark and Mzzdlia81 like this.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @sliminatorbacon... Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing with us. I'm glad you reached out.

    I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend and his roommate. You're right: Loving an addict can be total hell. Unfortunately, you have to remember what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach--you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. Only the person struggling with addiction can make that crucial decision to seek help and get clean. You can certainly encourage and support them if they decide to take the big step, but you can't force it. That's just the ugly truth.

    There is a really good book out there that I recommend to people all the time. It's called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change, and it's written specifically for partners and parents of people with addiction. It contains some incredibly helpful advice, like how to communicate better with your loved one, how to talk to them to help motivate them to want to change, and--most importantly--how to take care of yourself while you deal with your their issues. (Self-care is essential!!) I think if you got that book and read it, it would give you a lot of insight and useful information.

    If your boyfriend does decide to get help, he would likely be best off in residential treatment. That said, seeing an addiction specialist, who could assess your boyfriend's situation and recommend the best next steps for him, would probably be the best first step. Also, unless his roommate decides to get help, too, your boyfriend cannot go back to living with him. That would be a recipe for disaster, for sure. I'm actually a big fan of residential treatment followed by at least a month in a sober living house. The structure, rules, and community of a sober living home can really help someone transition from treatment back to "normal" life.

    You need to be careful not to become addicted to your boyfriend's addiction. You want to be at your best, both emotionally and physically, in order to be a capable support person for him...if he decides to get help. And even if he doesn't get help, you still have the right to live your life without going crazy. That way you feel when your boyfriend goes out on a binge? That's not fair to you. You deserve to be happy and healthy, and not have those things depend on what your boyfriend is up to.

    Get that book. Read it. And then sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with your boyfriend to let him know your thoughts and feelings. You may also want to consider going to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting yourself. It can be super comforting to be in a group of people who know exactly what you're feeling and going through. (NA or AA meetings would probably help your boyfriend and his roommate, too. There are also SMART Recovery meetings, which are a 12-step alternative.)

    We're here to help you however we can, my friend. We will help your boyfriend and his roommate, too, if they want to come here and share with us. Just know that it doesn't matter how much YOU want them to change; THEY have to want it, too. If they do, that's great. But if they don't, just realize that you may have to walk away in order to preserve yourself. YOU should always be at the top of your priority list. Never forget that.

    I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and big hugs full of hope. And I will keep you, your boyfriend, and his roommate in my thoughts and prayers. Recovery happens every day. If they want to get help, commit to doing it, and are willing to work hard, they can come out on the other side of their meth addiction.

    Love and light to you. Please reach out anytime you need to, okay? We truly care and we will listen without judgment.
  3. Lost_n_HI

    Lost_n_HI Member

    You can try to help them but they have to be the ones to put in the work, time and mostly the effort that you're putting in now. I'm also a meth addict and you are an enabler. You're always going to be there for him so he's always going to be there to get high no matter how much he lies, promises to get and stay clean if you stay but it's not going to stop. He has no real good reason to quit and get clean. You know he uses and stay with him so in his head you'll be the fucked up one if you left him in his sickness. And you will stay to care and nurture and he will stay and get high with every intention to get clean eventually. Like when he's broke, out of ideas to get more and without someone who loves him and doesn't want him to be in pain or have him mad at her so you'll pay for his high eventually.
    Honestly you sound very sweet and like a real great girl. If you love him you're going to have to let him go and if he loves you then he'll do what he has to do to get you back. As for his roommate. Stop worrying about some grown man that's not your man. Let him do his thing. Whatever happens happens. It's not your fault or your life.
    Hope this helps
    deanokat likes this.
  4. Mzzdlia81

    Mzzdlia81 Member

    I can seriouly relate. Its an every day battle. Ive been with my bf on in off 7 yrs now. Ive seen him at his best and worse. Mine too is an amazing man sober. && ive already lost a past relationship to a drug overdose. So i feel like if i dont stand by my man i will loose him as well. Im so lost right now. I dont know if i should stay or go. Im so stressed out it physically is affecting me. Im scared ive tried everything so has he but now matter how good things are going he always finds his way back to the drug. Im in need of advice too. I love him so much i cant stand seeing him this way. :(