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my boyfriend is addicted.. I NEED help

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by nataliecamara, Apr 4, 2017.

  1. nataliecamara

    nataliecamara Member

    To whom it may concern,

    I am struggling with my boyfriend for sometime now.. he is addicted to cocaine because he is depressed and suffers from anxiety as well.. he comes off as everything is cool and he can handle everything.. but obviously it's affecting his life.. the first step to getting better is admititng that you have a problem.. he has.. but now he won't go to the dr to get help etc..
    i've been trying to get his family support in on this, especially from his mother... but he has been with this issue for so long that i feel she has given up on him.. and that makes me sad because i don't have her support.. as a mother she should know that he needs to be accompanied to the dr everytime.. he wont simply go on his own..
    i need help to help him.. he doesn't run from her, but he runs from me and makes excuses as to why we can't see each other.. or he's busy, etc.. i'm worried for him and as much as this is exhausting.. i have faith in God and i'm not giving up on him.. no matter how much he pushes me away or denies things.. all i need is some support because this is NOT easy.. i cry myself to sleep worried about him..
    thank you in advance.

  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @nataliecamara... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing your story with us. I'm so sorry that you're going through what you are with your boyfriend. Yes, loving an addict is an incredible challenge.

    Just remember what Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach us about our addicted loved ones: We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. Your boyfriend is the only one who can make the decision to change his ways. Yes, you can support him. But you can't force him into changing.

    There's a really good book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for parents and partners of people struggling with addiction and it's full of very helpful information. I think it would be a great book for both you and your boyfriend's mother (and family) to read. It teaches you how to communicate better with your loved one, how to talk to them in order to help motivate them to want to change, and--most importantly--how to take care of yourself while you're dealing with their issues. It's a book I wish I would've had when my son was in the midst of his addiction. As I type this the book is just a little over $7.00 on It might be the best $7.00 you'll ever spend.

    You have to remember to take care of yourself, first and foremost. YOUR life matters, too. And you have to be at your best, both physically and emotionally, in order to be supportive of your boyfriend. When a loved one battles addiction, everyone who loves that person has to work on their own recovery. Otherwise everyone will struggle mightily.

    You may also want to check out a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting. Those meetings can be so helpful and comforting. Being among people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can really make a difference.

    If you could get your boyfriend to agree to go see an addiction specialist, that would be a fabulous start. They could assess his specific situation and recommend the best next steps. Addiction specialists are great because they are trained in pretty much all aspects of addiction. (Unfortunately, regular physicians have very little training in addiction.)

    We are here to help and support you however we can, my friend. You are not alone. So please know that you can reach out and lean on us anytime you'd like. Whether you have questions or just want to vent, you are more than welcome here.

    I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs full of hope. And I will keep your boyfriend, his family, and you in my thoughts and prayers.
    KSalem likes this.