An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

My boyfriend is heroin addict

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by Rlhagen, Nov 22, 2015.

  1. Rlhagen

    Rlhagen Member

    My boyfriend and I have been together over two years. He has relapsed several times. At first I didn't recognize the signs when he uses because I never was around it before. But after awhile I knew when he used. When I confronted him about it he would lie. And finally weeks later he would come clean. He is always making excuses for using and trying to make it my fault. He has been in and out of rehab but nothing works. I love him but don't know if I can do this any more.
  2. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm so sorry you're going through this, I know what it's like, it's terrible. From what you said in your post, it doesn't seem like he wants help and is trying to blame you for HIS addiction.

    We always hear these wonderful stories about someone staying with their significant other through addiction, they get clean and live happily ever after. Unfortunately, that's not the case for most of us. There comes a time when some of us just have to wipe our hands clean of an addict. I'm not advising you to that, you know the situation better than anyone. It's a decision only you can make, you know your limits. If you feel you need to leave the situation don't let anyone (or yourself) make you feel guilty about it. There are some people that just don't want to be helped and we can't hog tie them force them into getting help. Think about yourself first and do what you feel is best for you.
  3. dkelly

    dkelly Active Contributor

    This must be very rough on you. I am sorry that you are going through this situation. It is obvious that you love your partner or you wouldn't have stuck around after several relapses. I don't know your situation but I would encourage you to take care of yourself. It is okay to love an addict but it is not okay to sacrifice yourself to their addiction. By this I mean you must seriously consider your limits and if or when you reach them you must do what is best for you.
  4. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that. Sounds not a good thing that he tried to blame you for his addiction or made you his excuse for relapsing. Maybe you can try giving him an ultimatum or final chance cause there should be limit on anything.
  5. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Nothing that you do or say will help him only he can help himself and he will have to want to get better. It is a mindset to want to push through the addiction and stay sober. Also underlying issues that have caused him to get into drugs will still be there if he does not face his demons and deal with what ever it is that made him do it in the first place.
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    He tries to make it your fault. Not sure how anyone can pull that one off. Good luck with that and I guess hang tough.
  7. hwarren

    hwarren Member

    Sometimes the best thing we can do is walk away from the one we love. You can only take so many lies and pain. At the end of the day a relationship should be something that is 50/50 and I always think about people like you and empathize with the fact that it's not right and it hurts. You are too kind to be giving him second chance. I love a lot of people and have loved many men but when I feel they aren't doing me any good anymore despite the fact I love them and have given them everything, I turn my back. It might be the push he needs to change
    deanokat likes this.
  8. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Being an addict also means that you don't realise how many people you are hurting in the process but you do have to go through all the rough areas and also know that it is a life long fight which can take its toll on your relationship.
  9. artyarson

    artyarson Active Contributor

    If you feel you can accept an addict, then countinue on dating. If you not, then be honest with yourself.
  10. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    It is really hard work and something that you will have to think hard about, if you love him then continue on knowing that there will be lots of down days and for a long time too because an addict that is in recovery will not be the happiest person for a while and you cannot just continue on as normal
  11. Apes4grapes

    Apes4grapes Member

    I empathize , so sad!!!
  12. tyannaaa_

    tyannaaa_ Member

    I can see how this is a very hard situation for you to go through. Heroin just like any other drug can be very addicting and dangerous and it can be hard to stop. I'm thinking in a way he didn't want to disappoint you so he would tell lies. He probably should consider getting some counseling or you can try to see if their are programs he can enter to get clean. It will be hard because his body is use to it so him not getting the heroin is going to be tough for his body.
  13. ellyjude

    ellyjude Active Contributor

    Love is greater than most earthly things. There is always that special thing that someone you love likes to hear. You can twist it so that you use it to explain to him what you like and what you do not like. I would advice you to keep on talking to him to stop the act. Though he might find it irritating, he will later change because of the love he has 4 u.
  14. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    We can not help those who will not help themselves. It sounds like he is unable or unwilling ot change. Either that or the grip of the addiction is too strong that he keeps going back. Ultimately, you may tell him to make a choice between yourself or heroin. Ultimatums rarely work..but maybe if you coach it with love and say you know he will make the right choice it will work. Good Luck with this terrible situation.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    It is tough to love an addict but it is also hard to stop loving somebody no matter what their problems are. If only feelings were easy to shut off, you could spare yourself a lot of hurt. Only you can decide what is best for you and if you decide to leave then you shouldn't feel any guilt. You are doing all that you can to support him, the rest is up to him. He needs to want to change. He needs to want to get help. Wishing you and him all the best. We are here to support you and help you in any way that we can.
    deanokat likes this.
  16. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Hello there, @Rlhagen! Welcome to the forum, and thanks for sharing. I am sorry to hear about what's currently going on with your relationship with your boyfriend. Well, you can never really fully help someone if he/she isn't even willing to help himself/herself. The best thing you can do is to try encourage, and support him towards recovery. However, if he's always blaming his addictions on you, then I don't think he's worth it.
  17. bleblanc10

    bleblanc10 Senior Contributor

    Scary stuff and I wish you the best of luck with this situation.
  18. GenaJade

    GenaJade Member

    Your story hits close to home for me. My fiance is a recovering heroin addict and it's been one heck of a battle. For me, I got lucky enough that he cared about me more than the drug itself. He was a very frequent user and sadly, used the needle route to get his high. That scared me to death, even though he was responsible and always bought clean needles, never shared with others, it was still a drug going into his system. The hardest part for me was the changes it caused in him when he was on it. He would get annoyed really fast and almost lose his mind. Sure there were moments of happiness caused from the euphoric feeling heroin gave him, but it wasn't natural. I dealt with it for about a year and decided I could not let this continue any longer. I was scared, but I sat him down and pleaded with him to stop so that we could enjoy life. I pointed out how his drug addiction was taking control of my own life due to my being by his side. I could not get anything done at work or school due to him being on the drug and wanting to be around me all the time. If I told him I couldn't, he would flip out and become very angry, so needless to say, I just started doing whatever he wanted in order to keep the peace. Heroin is a hard drug to come off of completely and even today, he still craves it every day of his life, but he knows what he will lose if he goes back to it. I hope that your guy loves you more than the drug and if you plead with him in a loving, non-judgemental way, maybe he'll get help. I wish you the very best.
  19. GenaJade

    GenaJade Member

    I should also add that when I did approach him about stopping the drug, I made sure to let him know that I love him and accept his reasons for wanting to do it. I let him know that I did not hate him. I just hated the drug. I didn't go into the effects of the drug itself. I mainly focused on how it affected my life and our relationship. I think that was honestly what did the trick for him. He mentions to this day that I am the only one who cared enough to help him while others just shunned him for being a drug addict. I guess that played a huge part in his recovery.
  20. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    If he's not willing to get help, then you have a serious decision to make. Being around someone that is an addict is going to bring you down and possibly ruin your life as well.