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My Brother Is An Addict

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by vahbiz, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Hi I'm from India , I recently lost both my parents. One of my brothers abuses drugs. N now he's started abusing it at home, which is really disturbing for me! My other siblings are not bothered by it but its annoying to smell smoke in ur own home. I'm the youngest n now I'm so alone, Ive tried speaking to my siblings but all they assured me was that he wouldn't abuse drugs at home but he still does n right in front of them n they won't say a word. We learnt of his habit seven years ago, my parents also didn't send him to a rehab n failed miserably to get him to quit. His twin, my other brother thinks he's improved as he is smoking less. I'm living at my parents home n share the house with two of my brothers, one of whom abuses drugs. I'm a student studying psychology and it breaks me mentally to deal with him. My only hideout has been my room.
    I really needed to share my feelings as i feel all the other doors are shut for me.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @vahbiz... Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story. I'm very sorry to hear about your brother and his drug abuse. It's hard enough when a sibling uses drugs, but when they are doing it in the same house as you...well, that has to be very tough.

    You said your parents "failed miserably to get him to quit." As the parent of a son in long-term recovery from heroin addiction, I would just like to say that parents are not responsible for getting an addicted child to quit. The decision to quit using drugs rests solely with the person using them. No matter how much anyone wants someone to give up drugs, we can't control or cure that person. We have to realize that the person is responsible for making that decision on their own. We can support and love them, but we can't make a decision for them.

    I think it would be a great idea for you and your brothers to sit down and have a family meeting. You should let both your brothers know how your one brother's drug use is affecting you. And I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a boundary to be set: no drug use in the house. If it continues, your brother will likely not be motivated to change. What could be more comfortable for a drug abuser than being able to use drugs in his home? You and the your other brother need to set a boundary and stick to it. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

    You are very courageous for coming here and sharing your feelings. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers and hope that things improve soon. Having a heart-to-heart talk with your siblings might help that process.

    Keep coming back here for support. We are all pulling for you. And keep us updated.

    MyDigitalpoint likes this.
  3. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    Really sad story considering you are the younger brother and they only with the right approach to the situation. I cannot believe they are not aware that, by doing drugs at home, they are not only disrespecting the memory of your parents, but being a bad influence for the younger brother; you.

    Fortunately you ares studying psychology, and you career choice may work as a helmet to protect yourself while at home. Reasoning with them will be hard, as being the elder brother will always try to be who rule over what is done at your parents' home in their absence.

    Perhaps moving on your own to a small apartment or a room in a guest house could give you a break away, but being student, this may bring additional stress having to pay for bills you might not afford in the long run.

    Good you can actually have a world apart staying in your bedroom, this is the only you might be able to do for now, but remember that we will be here for you.

    Welcome to our forum :)
    vahbiz likes this.
  4. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Thank you for understanding... Finally some1 seeing through d crap. Well first, I'm a lady. I would have a really hard time making ends meet if I move out so I've ruled out that option. Yes my education is the only reason I'm still sane. My efforts to get my other siblings to see d situation from my point of view has got me no where. They fail to understand how pathetic it is to live as with an addict. I've stopped inviting my friends over as its really embarrassing. My siblings don't think there's anything wrong in him smoking pot on d balcony or sniffing coke in the hall, as they hardly spend anytime at home. But Im going crazy.
  5. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

  6. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Sir, thank you for your support. But I do think its a parents duty to keep in mind all their children's welfare. Since the past 7 years, my interest has always been pushed aside n everybody is so crazy behind him. I don't know y is it hard for my family to get to understand that he made this choice long ago n they can't do anything to get him to change if he doesn't want to. My parents could have sent him to a rehab or asked him to move out so he would for once in his wasted life know d stress of working n how hard it is. They would pay him an allowance daily, even when they knew he was buying drugs n he dropped out of colg. He's not completed his education. I never understood y my parents were so inclined to help him n not me n make a better home for me. My parents spent all their money to keep him out of jail for stealing, fighting on the basis he was in the influence of drugs, all the fucking time. Now they r dead n I'm the one living in a lurch, practically in my room all day. My siblings don't think its a problem if he smokes pot at home, so all family meetings have failed. I just wished my parents would have done more.
  7. Corzhens

    Corzhens Active Contributor

    The title hits a chord in me because my older brother had been an addict for quite a time. And that was the time when he started to have a family. I am not justifying the cause but it all started when his firstborn, a male baby, died from pneumonia just a few days after birth.

    We didn't notice at first but in the weeks to come, my brother's behavior had obviously changed. My mother who is good in gathering info finally uncovered that truth - my brother was addicted to street cocaine.
  8. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    I had a miscarriage and it was really difficult for me to continue as normal like everyone else in my family did. Being brave for the kids who didn't care to speak about it and my husband who thought it wasn't really a pregnancy made me feel that I was alone in my pain and the only way to forget was to drink and escape. It is a weakness and a sickness that has no justification and it can get to anyone at any time if we don't have the love and support of people around us.
  9. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    I'm really sorry to hear that and the only words of encouragement that I can say is that there is hope for him just as there is hope for anyone. I think that there is a point in which a person wouldn't listen to anyone but will come to his realization on his own and figure out that they are in a need to stop due to the destruction it has done to their life. Love them to the uttermost and support them, but do not indulge in their addiction or support it.
  10. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Frankly I'm out of giving him a chance or supporting him, I've come to the point where I repulse my own brother, n it sounds harsh but I do. I'm tired of waiting on fate n hope. Seven years is a really long time. I'm just really fed up with him. N I frankly can't get myself to support him.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'm so sorry for your situation, @vahbiz. I'm also sorry that you place so much blame on your parents. In Al-Anon they have the "Three C's": You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. I am a firm believer in that. Again, as the parent of a son in long-term recovery who battled addiction for 7 years, I say that parents can't really do anything to make their child's addiction stop. It's the individual's choice. Could they have sent your brother to rehab? Sure. But if he didn't want to go, he would've gotten nothing out of it. Could they have kicked him out of the house. Sure. But maybe they were worried about him dying. As a parent, I know that's something we wrestle with when our child is addicted. If you feel your parents are responsible, I would ask you to forgive them and let that resentment go. No one knows what it's like to be the parent of a child suffering from addiction. Trust me. You may think you know, and you may think the answers aren't very difficult. But unless you've lived through it, like I have, you don't really know.

    As far as your pain and suffering go, I would urge you to move out of the house you share with your siblings. I know you said it would be hard to make ends meet, but sometimes we have to do what's best for us, no matter how challenging it might be. I agree that 7 years is a long time for you to have put up with your brothers drug use and behavior. And if he doesn't appear to want to change anytime soon, then you should move on. I have a quote that I love so much and I'll share it with you here:

    "Faith is the muscle you use when you decide to blast outside of your comfort zone and transform your life into something that's practically unrecognizable to you in your present reality. Faith smothers your fear of the unknown. Faith allows you to take risks. Faith is the stuff of 'leap and the net will appear.'" --Jen Sincero

    Maybe it's time for you to take that leap. Maybe being on your own would transform your life, even if it was difficult to make ends meet. Maybe if you leap, the net will appear.

    I wish you nothing but the best. Go forward, be brave, and keep the faith.
  12. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know that you are in a situation like that. I hope your other brother who is not abusing drug would never use drugs and help you deal with your addicted brother. Be strong and hope you can focus on your studies.
  13. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    I'm feeling u quite aren't understanding how I feel. If u have another kid, maybe go back n ask them how they thought of u as a father who just stood there n watches ur son ruin his future n what did his sibling feel. I know parents have a big heart but a leap of faith isn't easy, right?.
    N ur idea of me moving out is really stupid, I could end up homeless. I'm without a job, where d hell do I go. I do not have any savings or anything. I don't think ur helping me in any way. No offence
  14. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Thank you!
  15. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Hi Vahbiz! What a tough girl you are to still have the courage to live with your brothers despite the risks involved. Since your other brother isn't a substance abuser, it would be good if the two of you team up together so you can send the other brother to rehab. You may also solicit the help of family and friends you can trust. Truth be told, you really can't shoulder this problem alone or just watch your brother in that state.
    Corzhens likes this.
  16. vahbiz

    vahbiz Member

    Truth be told, I tried to get everybody attention on how this behaviour would lead to innumerable fights of my parents who would remove their verbal aggression on me, n now my other siblings n friends n extended family r not as bothered as I am n fail to c view point of how disturbing it is to live with him. So at this point, I'm very alone, left with only a handful of friends.
  17. Corzhens

    Corzhens Active Contributor

    @vahbiz, that suggestion of team up is one of the most practical thing to do. But it's not that easy to send a family member to rehab, take note of that. It is a very complicated matter much more if the addict would not cooperate. And I agree with my quoted post above that you cannot handle it all by yourself. Don't carry the world, look for a helping hand. Persistence pays, trust me.
    xTinx likes this.
  18. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    It's understandable. I'm sorry to hear that but maybe one day things will change.
  19. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Well one way or another, you have got to do something. You can alert a local NGO or government organization about your situation. Some of them have help desks and may be able to assist you in sending your brother to rehab. Right now, your brother isn't himself. He's lost his sanity and sound judgment to drugs. So you and your other brother must decide on his behalf instead of leaving him by himself. You may feel alone in this but don't forget your brother is also alone. Even if it's something he created for himself, if you still love him, then you must not abandon him at a time when he needs you most.
  20. whitenoise

    whitenoise Senior Contributor

    I'm sad about this moment that you are passing through but don't worry there is a say that claims that after the rain there is always the sun so just don't give up yet. About your brother addiction take your time and don't go in a rush with rehabs and other medicines that will make him to worry and he won't trust you anymore. Just take it slowly.. maybe try to talk to him first and then try to convince him to go to in a rehab..