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My brother is taking my mother's prescriptions, how should I talk to him?

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by me mow, May 12, 2016.

  1. me mow

    me mow Member

    My brother has had substance problems in the past and we had spent a lot of time together to try and help him out of that cycle he was in and it was going well for about 2 years until just recently. My brother has been taking my mother's methocarbamol which is a muscle relaxant, I know this because my mother had security cameras installed in her house once he moved in with her. She doesn't want to confront him because he has been through a lot recently and she has asked me to do it for her.

    What is the right way to approach him, I don't want to scare him off or make him feel worse or anything like that.... I just want to be able to talk to him in a way that he feels comfortable and make sure he knows I'm there for him and just want what's best.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @me mow... My first question is how old is your brother? I have to say, I think you and your mother may be enabling him. The fact that your mom had security cameras installed in her house after your brother moved in with her speaks volumes to me. There must be a severe lack of trust if your mom felt compelled to install security cameras. Also, the fact that she doesn't want to confront him because he's "been through a lot recently" shows me that your mom is putting his feelings ahead of hers. And that's not right. He's living in HER house. There have to be boundaries. And if your brother is taking your mom's medication, that's a huge violation of boundaries. What she should do is sit down and talk to him about it. And tell him that if it happens again, he has to leave the house. There have to be consequences for inappropriate behavior, otherwise nothing will change. Your comment about not wanting to scare your brother off or make him feel worse also shows me that you're enabling him, too. Sit down with him and tell him exactly what your concerns are. Don't worry about making him feel bad. He's doing something wrong.

    I don't mean to sound harsh, but you and your mom can't put your brother's feelings ahead of what's right. This is the kind of behavior addicts love. When their loved ones coddle them and treat them with kid gloves.

    That's my take on things.
  3. me mow

    me mow Member

    Not at all, I'm appreciative of any advice anyone can give me. He's 26 and I'm 21, the last time we confronted him we didn't hear from him for close to 6 months and my mother is very concerned that it might happen again which is why she isn't letting me talk to him. No there is no trust, he has been given many chances and the benefit of the doubt many times and it's always the same song and dance. Frankly I'm at the point where I don't care anymore, but I do care about my mother's wellbeing and I'm trying my best to follow her wishes and do what is best for her. It seems to be a fine line between enabling and helping, so I'm unsure of where to go.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    If you talk to him with love and compassion instead of confrontation and anger, I think he'd likely be more receptive. But if he isn't, and he disappears again, then maybe that's what he needs. You didn't cause his addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. When my son was addicted to heroin, the only thing that got him thinking seriously about recovery was when my wife and I told him that he had to go to treatment or leave our home. He left for two days, then he came back and told us he'd go to treatment. That was the start of his recovery. He knew his easy days were over and that he had to make a change in order to survive. Like they say, if nothing changes...nothing changes.