So, since about mid June of this year (which was the end of my school year,) I have been completely sober from anything. But I started the year by only smoking weed and drinking alcohol. But I eventually started trying Adderal, which I highly enjoy. So I picked up on doing adderal. And around this time I was starting to go through problems family-wise and also friendship-wise. So I started doing adderal to the point where I felt I was needing to take it in order to get through the day with some sorts of energy. So I stopped taking it, and took Molly instead. The one time I took it, I had a good experience, and I knew I have come a long way from only smoking weed to have fun. It was me taking harder drugs in order to function and feel numb. Then I took Xanax with the mindset of, It's killed people, so if it kills me, **** it. So I took more than I should have for the first time, in total, 2 bars. Then woke up, wondering what happened. After that day, I have been completelt sober. But as life's problems continue to persist, cravings for alcohol and xanax have never been this high, and it scares me. Cause everyday, I wake up and get through a bit of the day, but I lose all hope a few hours into it due to the people around me. I want to escape, but I can't. It has led to many suicidal thoughts that I would never act on. But at times, I want to. I regret taking xanax. But I know given the chance, I would do it again.