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My current experience with withdrawal.

Discussion in 'Withdrawal Symptoms' started by danielv, Dec 5, 2018 at 1:09 PM.

  1. danielv

    danielv Member

    So, since about mid June of this year (which was the end of my school year,) I have been completely sober from anything. But I started the year by only smoking weed and drinking alcohol. But I eventually started trying
    Adderal, which I highly enjoy. So I picked up on doing adderal. And around this time I was starting to go through problems family-wise and also friendship-wise. So I started doing adderal to the point where I felt I was needing to take it in order to get through the day with some sorts of energy. So I stopped taking it, and took Molly instead. The one time I took it, I had a good experience, and I knew I have come a long way from only smoking weed to have fun. It was me taking harder drugs in order to function and feel numb. Then I took Xanax with the mindset of, It's killed people, so if it kills me, **** it. So I took more than I should have for the first time, in total, 2 bars. Then woke up, wondering what happened. After that day, I have been completelt sober.
    But as life's problems continue to persist, cravings for alcohol and xanax have never been this high, and it scares me. Cause everyday, I wake up and get through a bit of the day, but I lose all hope a few hours into it due to the people around me. I want to escape, but I can't. It has led to many suicidal thoughts that I would never act on. But at times, I want to.
    I regret taking xanax. But I know given the chance, I would do it again.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @danielv... Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you found us and decided to post.

    It sounds like you self-medicate to help you deal with the problems and stress in your life. That's certainly not uncommon. But using drugs like Adderall, Xanax, weed, and alcohol is not the solution. Yes, those things may give you a temporary reprieve from any negative feelings or issues you're experiencing, but the consequences of taking those drugs can be huge. And they can create many more issues for you.

    I'm wondering... Have you ever talked to a therapist or psychiatrist? They could likely help you deal with the struggles of everyday life. If you're in college, you can probably find someone to talk to through your schools health services department.

    We're here to help, support, and listen. Please know that you are not alone. You can reach out and lean on us anytime you'd like.
    Dominica likes this.
  3. lonewolves

    lonewolves Community Champion

    Welcome to the forum, @danielv.
    Cravings can mean that your body or mind is lacking in something. I would see a doctor if that’s an option for you! It’s totally normal to feel the way you are feeling, you just need to learn how to harness that anxiety and energy into something wonderful instead of self-harm. It’s not easy and it takes a lot of time and dedication, but just coming here to the forum shows that you’re taking a step in the right direction.
    True concern, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  4. danielv

    danielv Member

    Thank you so much, it means so much to me.
    lonewolves, Dominica and deanokat like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @danielv When I first came here and started reaching out I posted my story to help me.....Today I will post it to show you where drug's like Adderal and Xanax plan on taking you.It is all TRUE so please see the RED FLAGS in front of you.STAY STRONG MY FRIEND YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

    This is my story of addiction.I was born in the early 80's at the age of six year's old i was diagnosed with A.D.H.D.at that time there was a new F.D.A.approved drug by the name of Ritalin.At first it seemed to be a miracle pill,I was on this pill until the age of 18 at that time i decided i was no longer going to take this pill and it began just under a year passed and someone said "Have you ever tried crystal"which i had not at that time but i tried it and instantly noticed that it was 100% the same effect i got from Ritalin only difference was it lasted longer,or seemed to but honestly it was probably the quantity i was doing was greater than that of Ritalin i struggled with meth on and off for roughly 20 year's,not only meth but i was as well consuming 750ml of Jack Daniel's a day plus a 12 pack of beer.For those who don't know when you mix the two you don't appear to get drunk which is very deadly because infact you do get drunk however you don't realise it until it's too late meaning alcohol poisoning.I experienced this a few times and actually died on a hospital bed due to this fact,it took 3 hits with a defibrillator to restart my heart and i was told the only reason I was hit 3 times was because i was only 19 year's old,but usually after the second time if your heart doesn't restart you are then pronounced dead,but a nurse pleaded with the Dr.to try one more time and he did and my heart started back up.I didn't know at the time but that nurse was actually the mother of the lead singer of Sublime who just lost her son to a heroin overdose.I am forever grateful for that nurse without her plea i would be another statistic.Unfortunately I didn't quite using drug's at that time i just traded substances.I started abusing pain pills heavily and increased that addiction to catastrophic proportions,it got so bad i started injecting heroin which i quickly traded for oxycontin because it was much stronger than heroin.I abused fentanyl as well but nothing compared to the oxycontin.At my worst i was injecting 240-320mg's of oxycontin a day,feeling i wouldn't survive another month i decided to seek help.I'm poor and i come from poor parent's so my options were limited,i ended up at a methadone clinic for help slowly decreasing my extremely high tolerance.At the clinic i had an interview with a drug addiction counselor and an addiction physician,i was hoping for good news but what i heard shock me to my core.I was told by both the same thing,"Sir we are sorry to tell you but your addiction and tolerance is beyond the point of return,whether you quit or continue either way you cannot survive you have if your lucky a month to live"My heart sank and i decided at that moment if i was going to die i would die trying.I went home and prayed and then i called my wife into the room to tell her the news.At that moment i apologized to her told her how much she meant to me and made her promise if i didn't make it she would move on re marry and live a happy life and she noded yes.After that i quite cold turkey and suffered pain and sickness i cannot describe,for 27 straight day's i did not leave the bedroom,i did not eat,i did not sleep,i hallucinated,i screamed in intense unimaginable pain,i lost over 50 pound's in that time frame and had to be rushed to the hospital 3 time's where they would rehydrate me and try to give me pain shots to stall the detox which i refused.On day 28 I took my first steps after i quite and by the grace of God i survived and this May im married 18 year's to my beautiful wife and guardian angel.This is the first time I've shared my story of addiction and i did it for one reason alone,i want everyone to know i understand what you are going through and no matter how bad it gets there is hope.I'm here for each and everyone of you,if you ever need someone to talk to,if you ever feel no one understands im all ears and i do understand.Stay Strong We're rooting for you
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Oh ya Ritalin was the Adderal of my generation
    Dominica likes this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Dominica likes this.