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My dealer asked me to look after his coke for a night

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Brokengirl, Jan 15, 2017.

  1. Brokengirl

    Brokengirl Member

    He trusted me with his gear and gave me some as a thank you looking after it. But I couldn't help myself. I weighed out 0.10. Then replaced it with paracetamol from a capsule. Felt awful. But in the morning I did it again. And in the light saw that the paracetamol poweder was shiny. He going to realise what I've done. It gets worse his my neighbor and a very good friend. What have I done? I'm going to lose everything. Once my friends find out they won't be my friends anymore. I've risked everything for a few lines of coke! I don't want to lose my friend. What should I do? This just proves how much help I need I'm ruining my life over this addiction. Should I be honest and come clean and hope for forgiveness? I need help! I need to get clean. I'm using so much now that my kids are being affected because of the amount of money I'm spending. There is no one I can talk to. I feel isolated. And now I've gone and done this. I am a horrible person I never used to be before this addiction
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2017
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Brokengirl... I think you should be honest and ask for forgiveness. I also think you should consider getting clean and sober. It would mean a happier, healthier life, not only for you but for your children, too. I don't know how old your kids are, but I know things would be better for them if you weren't struggling with an addiction to cocaine.

    We're here to help and support you, my friend. You can come here anytime and lean on us.

    Sending you positive vibes and lots of hope and encouragement. You can change your life for the better. I know you can. You just have to set the goal, focus on it, and be willing to work hard at it.

    Big hugs.
  3. Brokengirl

    Brokengirl Member

    Thank you for your kind words. I'm so afraid of losing everything. Will he ever trust me again. I don't mean with his gear but in our friendship? I feel like I'm on top of a very high cliff with a strong wind behind me which could tip me over at any moment. Or maybe it already has that's why I did this awful thing. My kids are 19 and 15 and I feel like I'm failing them to. I tried to get clean in the new year I managed 13 days which was really hard knowing it's just next door and he'll always tick. But then suddenly it was all I could think about every waking moment. So from Friday till Sunday I spent 150 quid but still did this awful thing! I'm scared will he hate me? Our friendship ruined? I feel lost of all hope
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Brokengirl... The fact that you went 13 days without using is great. Maybe see if you can put another streak like that together. I'm a firm believer that if you mix willingness and hope enough times you can achieve anything; including long-term sobriety. So maybe give it another shot, huh?

    We're here for you.
  5. Brokengirl

    Brokengirl Member

    I'm definitely going to try again. Finding this site and the kind words of support you have given to me has given me hope. I haven't been able to be completely open before. Must of my friends use but I don't think they are addicted like I am so I haven't been able to talk to them. I've been to ashamed. But now I have an out let and support I'm feeling a bit more positive. Thank you
    deanokat likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Glad to hear that, @Brokengirl. You can share here anytime. We will never judge you. You are safe here. :)
    Brokengirl likes this.
  7. Jim Shady

    Jim Shady Member

    I think this is a very common situation now. Coke is everywhere and hard to avoid. It seems to of overtaken weed as the most available drug around. The main problem is the expense as it can quickly become a big issue. As it's mentally addictive the problem is that people start to associate certain things with it that then create an urge for it whenever they do these things. It can end up ruining things you used to enjoy without it as you can't shake the connection. I'm not sure what can help avoid it other than serious will power. There really is no easy way to stop the habit.

    I know this post doesn't offer any help but I signed up to comment because I know exactly what your situation feels like. It's definitely very common here in Britain.
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2017