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My friend doesn't want to go back to rehab!

Discussion in 'Share Your Rehab Experience' started by Domen, May 16, 2015.

  1. Domen

    Domen Active Contributor

    My friend is 29 and she had problems with drinking since he was 16. She managed to stay dry for about 3 years while she was with her now ex boyfriend but then relapsed and has been drinking on and off ever since. Recently, I persuaded her to go into rehab (for the fourth time) and everything seemed to be going great until the day she came out, when she went on a huge binge. I now get daily phone calls from her, begging for help. She doesn’t want to go back to rehab and she is really hopeless. I'm turning to you guys, I need some opinions. how would you try to help her?
  2. amethyst

    amethyst Community Champion

    It sounds to me like she is overloading you with her problems and addiction. It might be a good idea to involve someone who can put a different perspective on her drinking and general behavior. You seem to be very close to her, and someone to lean onto in times of crisis, a friend and support structure, but she can't really hear you or understand that you worry about her. So, a "neutral" person, such as a counselor might be just what she requires. It doesn't necessarily have to be an alcohol counselor, but someone who can help her see and understand things from a different angle.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. katherine25

    katherine25 Senior Contributor

    I agree with amethyst, sometimes a friend is great to have for support but not always the best in this situation. I think she wants to know that you are there for support but she needs someone else as well who can help on a more professional level such as a therapist or counselor.
    MrsJones likes this.
  4. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Perhaps you and your friend can engage in a string of meaningful and challenging activities like sports, aerobics, zumba fitness or traveling to distract the latter from thoughts of drinking and becoming depressed. And I concur. You may also want to include more people into this scheme. The more the merrier. Her family and your common friends may have better suggestions or solutions in mind.
    MrsJones likes this.
  5. MyDigitalpoint

    MyDigitalpoint Community Champion

    One good thing in this case is having her calling you up for help. Hopeless addicts never ask for help and refuse to be helped if you lend a helping hand.

    I'm not psychologist, but you friend might be suffering from loneliness or fear to be alone, not just due to her addiction, but probably this fear is what has pushed her into drinking in excess. If she started drinking so young, she could be reflecting a home/parents-related problem with this.

    She might fear go back to rehab in the knowledge she was going to relapse and feeling this is a worthless circle to face a process that might be already tiresome and hopeless for her.

    I would suggest keep being by her side no matter what, while she has you on the phone, she feels not to be totally alone and having someone who understands her and is her support. Then you may try to find a way to get her understand she is not hopeless and together can find a way for her to never relapse again and enjoy sobriety for years.

    As noted above, if you could have other friends and family involved will be great because all of you together can pull her out of the emotional problem she is facing. It seems to me an emotional problem indeed beyond her addiction.

    However this is another fact, if she doesn't trust in someone else than you, bringing help alongside might not work.
    MrsJones likes this.
  6. Obviously your friend has a problem. You should keep helping her, you are doing it right, on the other hand, she has not progressed. Maybe you should try to make her see from other perspective, ask her what is the difference between the person she is today and the person she was at 16. I think she has not change that much, she still has a drinking problem, she has not been consistent and that it is sad. Ask her if she really wants to be that person, if her alcoholism has leaded her to something good. Clear things up for her could help her make up her mind.
    MrsJones likes this.
  7. remnant

    remnant Community Champion

    If your friend can quit for 3 years and then relapse, it means she has issues with willpower. No matter which rehab facility you attend, without a conscious effort and restraint on her part, all is in vain. I would advise her to undergo a paradigm shift in her thinking and to replay to herself the experiences she has had with alcohol. Compensation also works. She can replace the urge to drink alcohol which is fermented with yoghurt or sour milk.
    MrsJones likes this.
  8. Nancy D.

    Nancy D. Senior Contributor

    We should get this friend help right away before it gets worse than it already is. You are the friend who should be there for your friend but if your friend is not ready to get help then it may be a waste. Hopefully the relapse is just a deeper issue that she can get out and really focus on that and not the alcohol. You know, get to the real issue and focus attention on that.
  9. OHelloMe

    OHelloMe Active Contributor

    Listen and be there for her. Encourage positive alternatives without pushing her too hard. Support her for her, not her addiction. It may not seem like much, but believe me it goes a long way.
    kgord and deanokat like this.
  10. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    I would listen to her and encourage her to make positive choices. I mean she is unlikely to be able to quit on her own without the support of others. Maybe "that" rehab isn't right for her, but that doesn't mean there aren't others that would be able to help.