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My Friend

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Aescopri, Jun 22, 2015.

  1. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    I am joining this forum because of a friend (not a very close one, but we were growing close when she trusted me with this problem). I met her in my local tuition centre, which I was attending because my Mathematics grades weren't up to par with expectations. She was a vibrant and very bright friend who loved to tell jokes and have fun—thing is, she wasn't very "popular" at her respective school.
    She told me that popular kids were actively encouraging and doing drugs, and this has only been a growing problem in her community. I want to help her so much, but I don't know how.
    I don't even know if she has done drugs yet. She is very tempted to, and has purchased marijuana from a drug dealer. If she has, I want to help her get it out of her system, and if she hasn't, I just want to get rid of the temptation that she has. It has only been growing, like the drug problem in her school.
    I want to try using the anonymity of the internet to find how to help my friend. Any suggestions or help would be very much appreciated. Thank you so much!

    UPDATE: @deanokat suggested that I send her an email, and I did. She replied with saying that she wasn't going to do drugs and isn't planning to anytime soon because she realised that it wasn't even the way to become popular. I will be more active on this forum and try to help others like he has helped me—thank you to everyone who replied!
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2015
  2. gracer

    gracer Community Champion

    You have such a huge heart for thinking about your friend's welfare. You did the right thing in joining this community to look for ways on how to help your friend. There are many people here who can give you great advice that you can use to pull your friend out of the temptation of addiction. You just being there to listen to her concerns and frustration is already a good start in helping her avoid addiction. Help her see the brighter side of life. Show her that popularity and being "in" is not what life is all about. Yes, she may be in a stage of her life where she seeks for belonging and acceptance so show her that addiction is not the answer. Popularity is not what defines a person, it's his/her unique character that makes him/her stand out from the crowd.

    This is one mistake that the vulnerability and curiosity of being young brings. I have been in her shoes when I was younger. I wanted to be popular, I wanted to be the person people looked up to and wanted to be with because I was an "it" thing. Yes, I achieved it but now that I'm older and more mature I realized that those things are just temporary. When you graduate from school and face the real world, your popularity in school when you were younger doesn't count anymore. The real world doesn't ask for your popularity status when you were still young. It asks for your ability and willingness to face the challenges life has to bring.

    Be there to help your friend realize all the wonderful things in life without addiction. It's never worth it to ever try it even just for once. :)
  3. Jenga

    Jenga Active Contributor

    @Aescopri, good for you. You're such a caring person! I hope your friend eventually realises how caring you are.

    Anyways, I'd agree that it's best to stop a problem before it arises. If she's taken it, there's a chance she won't try it a second time. Depending on what level she's at, this could either be a significant problem, or it could just be something she wants to try once. I don't condone it's usage, but I would be of the opinion that everyone makes their own choices in regards to their health. I know of plenty of people who used it once, only to never try it again!

    Regardless, I'd suggest maybe having a talk with her. Tell her your fears and why you're worried. It might do a lot more good than you'd think.

    Good luck <3
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Aescopri Welcome to the forum. It's such a great thing that you came here to find out how to help your friend. I would just sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. Tell her that using drugs can be a life-changing thing, and not in a good way. Unfortunately, more and more young people are turning to drugs to help escape reality or because of peer pressure. Ultimately, the final decision will rest with your friend. But showing that you care and are concerned could definitely help sway that decision.

    Thanks so much for coming here and sharing.
  5. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Better to tell her that being clean is more important than being popular. Also you do not need to use drugs to be popular in school or any group. It is important that you are doing the right thing and being popular for a good thing or purpose will give more rewarding feeling.
  6. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    Thank you so much for telling me that! :) I will now try to listen to her talk about her school more and try to convince her that popularity is only fleeting and doing drugs is something that could possibly change your life and last for an entire lifetime. You have such a big heart and are an awesome person for trying to help her, someone you don't even know through the internet!
    gracer likes this.
  7. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    Yup! The main problem for me trying to help her is that I don't know if she's taken the drug at all yet. I'm still clinging onto the hope that she's not going to try them again if she has taken it. I'll be sure to note any changes in her personality or popularity (because she tells me those things) and try to find out if she's taken any drugs.
    Again, some people might think that it's none of my business, but I really care about her. Thank you so much for your suggestion! :)
  8. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    Definitely. Doing drugs is something that lasts way longer than being popular ever will, and has the potential to wreck her life indefinitely.
    Though, she isn't really good when it comes to heart-to-hearts. We're all in the stage where we feel that talking really seriously with someone is really awkward, and she might try to escape it because she doesn't like her parents that much and it might remind her of them. But that's one thing to add to my list!
    Thanks so much! :D
  9. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    I agree with you! Ultimately, being popular is just being comfortable in your own skin and being really confident, and no drug will ever do that for you.
    Thanks for your reply! I really appreciate it. :D
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Aescopri... If a heart-to-heart talk isn't comfortable, how 'bout writing her a letter? Or sending her an email? Anything to let her know that you're concerned about her. Just a thought. I will keep you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers.
    Jenga likes this.
  11. Sevrin

    Sevrin Member

    If you can, try to stress to her that popular is just a term used to define the people who are most desperate for attention. You don't want to be popular, you want to be loved by those who you actually care about. I don't know her personal life or situations, but stress the importance of being close to a select, trusted few who actually care about her well-being, not being cool and crap like that.
  12. Jenga

    Jenga Active Contributor

    @Aescopri This is a really great idea. Letters can convey incredibly important messages while still maintaining a super personal feeling to it. Plus, it gives both people time to think things over and respond. I'd second this idea. Good luck <3
    deanokat likes this.
  13. JessiFox

    JessiFox Active Contributor

    So sweet of you to be seeking out help preemptively for your friend. I think the main thing is to be available to her- for support, for acceptance, to show her a contrast from that peer pressure to do drugs- someone who thinks being clean and being your own person is more important than doing things just to fit in. Also keep in mind that people do sometimes experiment harmlessly, it isn't ideal but sometimes it can be a one time thing and not necessarily a huge concern- just know the warning signs and keep an eye out for her. You're a great friend.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    I'll definitely write her an email after this. That idea was brilliant. I'm making it sound as enthusiastic and comforting as I can, and I hope she can reply to the questions I'm addressing in the email:

    1. Is she doing drugs? (I'll try to address this as discreetly as I can)
    2. What does she think about popularity? (If she thinks that popularity is important to her, she has an increased chance of doing drugs again if she has done it, and start doing drugs if she hasn't)
    3. Does she already have a career she is going to pursue? (That's for trying to see if she “cares” about her future that much)

    Thank you so much for going over and above and praying for her, I really appreciate it! =)
    deanokat likes this.
  15. kylerlittle

    kylerlittle Community Champion

    Firstly, I want to say that I truly appreciate your honesty and your loyalty to your friend and the fact that you'd seek help, that is a sign that you absolutely love your friend and care about them. I think a lot of things do not work, meaning a lot of legalistic and systematic ways will not help an addict or someone who struggles and suffers. Most importantly is that you love them as much as you love yourself and show it to them, kindness, understanding and love can always lead to a change.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    My pleasure, @Aescopri. If you don't mind, check back in with us and let us know how everything goes with the email. Sending positive vibes your way. And your friend's way, too.
  17. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It is better to be popular because of the right things r reasons. Such as being good in academics, having a talent or being a model student. You can also be a part of a group that will motivate or inspire you to be a better person.
  18. Aescopri

    Aescopri Active Contributor

    Thank you—thank you, thank you and thank you so much for that piece of advice. She replied with saying that she wasn't doing drugs, and she's not planning to anytime soon. I'm really getting this community, and I'll try to help others like you have helped my friend and I. I don't know how to thank you—God bless you.
  19. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Just pay it forward, @Aescopri. Just pay it forward. :)