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My journey (short version)

Discussion in 'Alcohol' started by SuphaflyUK, Oct 25, 2014.

  1. SuphaflyUK

    SuphaflyUK Member

    Hi all, my name's Matt & I’m new here and wanted to share my story as an introduction. I've said this story many a time in the rooms of AA and in 2 rehabs and fortunately I'm still alive to tell the tale!

    It’s hard to say when this all started. Earlier in life, things were good. My childhood was solid, teenage years were solid and nothing overly bad happened. Didn’t get bullied and felt fairly secure in myself, as much as a frightened teen can be. Alcohol wasn’t a part of my life and it didn’t have any influence in my life until I was 17/18 and legal to drink it.

    Skipping forward a bit I had an ok relationship with booze and in my twenties, did not, I think, have a problem. Unlike a lot of people in recovery who talk about drinking to oblivion from the start, I did not. However by 25 I was, if I look back honestly, crossing the threshold into addiction.

    I kept down jobs and paid my bills and since the consequences were never too bad I tried not to dwell on it. To cut a long story short – from that till now I have been through 2 rehabs, been in AA for nearly 4 years, done the whole sponsor and 12 steps thing (well, sort of but clearly not well enough), relapsed more times than I care to remember. Along the way I have nearly lost my family and friends, faced financial ruin, depression, illness, self hatred.

    Having said all that I am happy TODAY and have been sober for nearly 3 months. My first time in recover I did 15 months so it is possible. I just gotta keep focused and diligent about my recovery as this disease is a filthy, evil and disgusting disease. It’s sneaky and fatal and in my time I have seen people die and it breaks my heart but that’s how it goes.

    Not everyone makes it, many don’t ever get a chance to recover and I thank God that I am sober today and trying to lead a good life. This was a very short version of my story but thanks for reading anyway, nice to meet you all. Hopefully I can impart some wisdom or help in some way to anyone in trouble. We all understand and speak the same language!

    That’s something “other people” and “normal” folk find hard to understand. We are all strangely insane but I’d rather that to be honest :)
    Jen S. likes this.
  2. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    Thanks for sharing Matt, and welcome to the community. Congratulations on your 3 months as well! :)
  3. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Although you may have left the important part (i.e. what led you to take on booze), I would nevertheless congratulate you on your 3 months of alcohol sobriety. It's been difficult for some but you endeavored to move forward gracefully. More power to you, Matt.
  4. SuphaflyUK

    SuphaflyUK Member

    Ah yes, good point. The reason I drink is essentially because I like the effect it has on me. Also, when I drink I am able to sedate my brain so I don’t have to deal with the emotional issues that I bury. Escapism is my thing. Also, I drink because I’m an alcoholic; it’s a disease, in my opinion. Sure, there are life problems but they just give me an excuse to drink, they are not the reason I drink.
  5. frogsandlegos

    frogsandlegos Active Contributor

    Hi and welcome Matt! Thank-you for sharing your story and journey ~

    Glad to hear that you have been sober for 3 months, and that you have made significant effort and improvement over the past 4 years. This is all something to be proud of, and takes tremendous effort.

    I'm sorry you're struggled with depression and self-hatred.... have you by chance be able to find a good, reputable counselor? If you can't afford it, most churches will offer it for free/low cost. Or some universities will have it (by masters level students) at a very low cost.

    Thanks for sharing your story, as it encourages others.
  6. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    Welcome to the community Matt and thanks for sharing your story. Yours is a display of persistence and courage to carry on changing for the better. Relapses do occur but as you've said in your reply to some other post, you have to decide to stop. So congratulations on your decision to stay sober for 3 months now. Good luck to you!
  7. jade870

    jade870 Active Contributor

    There was a time in my life were all I wanted to do was drink after my mother passed away. I just could not deal with that and other things that were going on. But I found that my background from church helped me more than anything, this may not work for some but for me it saved my life. SO congratulations on your 3 mouths so far keep up the good work.
  8. jackslivi

    jackslivi Active Contributor

    First of all, I'd like to tell you congrats on 3 months!! You are a rare case of where alcohol just sneaks up on someone. As your story shows, it obviously happens. I am so glad you are finding the good in today because a lot of people can't figure out where they went wrong in your case and then that causes them to just be stuck. The whole part of going through rehab is that you will have some times that you relapse. A lot of peple don't want to say that but honestly that is part of the process. Keep on rocking on though! You've got this with your positive attitude.
  9. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    Wow, you must be a very strong and determined person! Of course, I'd like to congratulate you for being clean and I hope it continues that way. Just remember that there's a lot of things that you can do in life and alcohol and substance will just be a hindrance for you to get those wonderful things. Keep it up!
  10. SuphaflyUK

    SuphaflyUK Member

    Thanks everyone. Just to give you an update, my life is getting better every day. Being sober leads to so many good things. Since I stopped everything has fallen in to place. I've found a new job, I'm going to be starring in a local acting show, my financial situation has improved and my family are allowing me back into their lives. I feel healthy, with a clear head and less guilt/shame so I can sleep soundly.

    Most importantly I dont hate myself anymore. The sober life is a happy one, not a boring miserable one :)
  11. cameronpalte

    cameronpalte Active Contributor

    Thank you for sharing your story with us - it is very inspiring.
  12. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing Matt and please do feel welcome here, we are one big family that is happy to help you. The greatest thing is that you have acknowledged all the negative effects of your addiction, keep focused on them and stay positive knowing your life can only get better from here onward. Keep yourself occupied, find social activities that will distratc you from doing anything negative.