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My live-in boyfriend of 2.5 years is stealing my pills

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by randomladyinwa, Jul 10, 2018.

  1. He's a good guy, good heart, and I love him deeply, but he keeps stealing my pills and lies to my face, if I accidentally forget to hide them. My mother is temporarily living with me, as her home burned down 4 months ago and he is now stealing her pain medication. I'm so angry about this, as I'm very protective of my tiny elderly asian mother. He cries and apologizes when I get him to finally admit what he's done. I told him to get substance abuse counseling when I first found him stealing from me in January and he's only went 3-4 times and doesn't keep up with it. Does anyone ever get better? Is addiction to narcs eternal?
  2. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    Hi @randomladyinwa,
    I’m sorry you’re struggling with that right now. It’s never easy to watch a love one sabotage their lives when they probably don’t want to. It sounds like he feels really guilty, which in my opinion might be a good sign. I also had a problem with stealing pills from my boyfriend, and it got pretty out of hand last year. I honestly did not want to hurt him, and even though I absolutely did not want to wreck our relationship, I damn near did. It was a nightmare through and through. It was impossible to enjoy the high because the guilt was eating at me. So I became a thief and a self-sabotager without a single good reason. I was only feeding my addiction that told me in the moment that I couldn’t survive without it. Every situation is different, so I’m not saying that everyone should stay and make it work with an addict, but every day I am clean I am so thankful for my partner for sticking by me and not giving up.
    Dominica, deanokat and True concern like this.
  3. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

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  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    No active addiction is not eternal,however addiction itself maybe.It is possible to get sober and stay sober but it takes work and he is obviously emotional when he gets caught so i assume he "needs" the pills to not be sick from detox which puts you both in a bad situation.Ask him if he takes them to not feel sick or if he takes them to enjoy the high.At least this will let you know what you are dealing with and maybe help pick a road to recovery that will work for him.Stay Strong and God Bless:)
    Dominica, deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @randomladyinwa... Welcome to the community. I know what you're going through is difficult, and I'm sorry for that. Addiction definitely causes good people to do some questionable things.

    @lonewolves and @True concern have given you some great advice and insight. One question I have: How long has your boyfriend been struggling with addiction?

    Also, a simple solution to having him steal pills from you and your mother is to buy an inexpensive safe and keep all the meds locked up. When my son started stealing pills from me years ago, that's what my wife and I did. You can probably get a decent combination safe for 50 bucks or so. And get one with a combination, not a key. Because if you have one with a key lock, you have to worry about hiding the key, him finding the key, etc.

    We're here to help and support you any way we can, so don't hesitate to come back and lean on us, okay? Even if you just need to vent, you can do that here. We are here for you. And we care. You are not alone.

    One last thing: You may want to do some reading on addiction. Knowing what you're dealing with is always a good idea. Here are some good books that might help:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    Sending you lots of love, light, and hope. Hang in there.
    Dominica and True concern like this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @randomladyinwa hey there! welcome to the forum! so sorry you're having to contend with this. I'm sure it is quite disheartening.

    The others have given you wonderful insight and advice... I hope he will get back to counseling and really commit to it! addiction counseling can help. would he be interested in attending a support group?

    for some people, stopping the addiction is so tough, and sometimes it does go on for many years.... do your best to practice self-care. YOU deserve to have some peace of mind in the home....

    and know that you're not alone. we are here and we care.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  7. Wow. I only posted my plea for help yesterday and I'm overwhelmed by the fast and thoughtful responses. I am so appreciative. Thank you all.

    Let me explain a little bit more about the situation: His parents were addicts. His father still struggles with sobriety (alcohol and pills) at age 63. His mother was addicted to pills and passed away about 8 years ago. Somehow, I think he's got the genetic makeup to be an addict and I think it came into full fruition after his extremely bitter divorce about 3 years ago and not being able to see his kids. He loves life and making others happy. But I know he has demons inside...where he loathes himself for not having the finances to fight for his kids, not being able to spoil me with material things (I'm not materialistic at all, but it's his man-ego), his weight gain, not seeing his mom when she passed, etc. I want to stay with him, but I can't trust him. Isn't trust the very crux of a relationship where the end goal is marriage? When he apologizes and swears he won't do it again, I feel like i'm listening to a parrot and if I keep forgiving him, I'm letting myself down. Am I? I want to be the supportive partner, I just need to be able to trust.
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  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    All understandable, but again if you love him you have to know if he takes them to get "High" or to not get sick?Without knowing this there is no way to know what route to take to try and help him assuming you want to help him or if you would rather walk away but that's your heart and soul only you can answer that part
    deanokat likes this.
  9. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @randomladyinwa... One of the books I talk about at that link I shared with you is called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people struggling with addiction and it's full of fabulous, useful information. It teaches you how to communicate better with your loved one, how to talk to them to help convince them to want to change, and more. I especially like the section of the book devoted to self-care, too. Because when you're dealing with a loved one's addiction, taking care of YOURSELF is the most important thing you can do. I think reading the book might help you a lot. So maybe check it out if you get a chance.

    If your boyfriend's family has a history of addiction, chances are pretty good that he had a predisposition for addiction, too. There's a lot of genetics involved with the disease. But that doesn't mean he can't beat it. It'll take commitment and hard work, but he can do it...if he wants to.

    I'm keeping good thoughts for you and your boyfriend. We're here if you need us.
    Dominica likes this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I've never said this anywhere ever but genetics is why i haven't pursued a child of my own because i don't want my kid to hurt like this its a subject that will make it to my time
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  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I totally understand that, @True concern. And I appreciate your honesty so much.

    So glad you're here with us.
    True concern likes this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I have wondered after a few year's sober if i could then have a baby with sober semen and not transfer the substance issue tendencies.i will study this because i really would like a child but not at the expense of their health and happiness.Probably the most painful desire i deny myself for good reason but it saddens me alot
    deanokat likes this.
  13. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    the thing that i wish he could see is that those things he struggles with... the anger, weight gain, lack of confidence, money issues, and yes, even addiction, are things he CAN get help with... he can LEARN new ways of living, but he's going to have to dig deep...face some deep pain he's locked away for years....and be patient b/c it takes time.....

    if you're able to be with him and consistently look beyond the "mess" he is in... not take it personal...stay lovingly detached (meaning you base your happiness level on YOU)... then staying won't be so awful... b/c YOU need to recover and learn some new tools too when living with an addict... make sense?
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  14. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @True concern not sure there is research to really answer such curiosity yet... well, lots of research but not clear answers... there are parents who have never been addicts produce kids that get addicted to alcohol or drugs or something... so who knows? stay on the sober path, keep healing layer after layer, and trust....
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