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My mother...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by LoyalServant, Nov 25, 2014.

  1. LoyalServant

    LoyalServant Member

    Hello everyone! I don't really know where to start so let me plunge right into the subject.

    My mother and I have always had a very close relationship. She is a recovering cocaine addict of 20 years. Needless to say I was brought up with the local CA community and at a very young age cautioned about cocaine and drugs in general. Throughout my childhood my mother continued her meetings with CA and did a very good job at bringing me up considering she was a single mother. She always told me I was the reason she stopped cocaine and drinking.

    When I was 3 she made a promise to me and to God to never touch drugs or alcohol again, after overdosing. She has kept that promise! However, since I moved out of the house, and on with my life I feel as thought she is spiraling out of control. She has a new boyfriend who I can tell is an alcoholic, and has some friends who she has admitted to me, still use cocaine.

    We speak on a regular basis and though she continuously reassures me, I am worried and don't really know where to look. I am thankful for this community and hopefully I will be able to get some pointers and useful tips if this situation does spiral out of control.

  2. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Sometimes it is a big difference living with your mom and then moving away. A lot of mothers feel "abandoned" even though you didn't mean that in the slightest way. Especially if she has no husband. I would look more into the subject and see whether he himself uses cocaine and if he does maybe tell your mother this is not the right person to be around. But since your mother has been clean since you were 3 I would definitely give her the benefit of the doubt (although there is always a reason to worry when you care about someone).
  3. valiantx

    valiantx Community Champion

    Greetings LoyalServant,

    Thanks for sharing your story with us on this forum. I believe your mother didn't use cocaine all of those years, because she had you present to remind her not to break her promise. Also, the best way to stop any drug addiction is to avoid it all together, to not have it near you or be around with people who consume drugs. It seems to me, all you can do is continue checking up on her and subtlety remind her what the consequences are from doing cocaine - if she cares about herself and you, she'll find a way to stop.

    The term relapse is a well-known term involved with addiction, and it only takes one time. Maybe your mother can also find a relapse to keeping her promise to stay sober, maybe she simply needs a reminder or new inspiration in reason to believe she should take care of herself, in order to be able, to care for others she truly cares for.
  4. LoyalServant

    LoyalServant Member

    Thank you for the warm welcome :)

    I like how you mentioned "new inspiration". I believe that part of the solution of not relapsing is finding interesting things to do. Unfortunately, my mother is currently unemployed and completely dependent her new boyfriend so telling her he is not the right person at this time is quite futile. I will see if I cannot help her find a new stimulating job or perhaps a new hobby.

    I will be checking up on her as you said, perhaps a little more from now on.
  5. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story, I think your mother is a very commendable human being for having the strength and courage to take on the responsibility of giving you a good life. A lot of people don't even try that much regardless of whether or not they have substance abuse issues. Your situation Sounds tricky because I'm guessing that checking up on her constantly might make her feel mistrusted but I suppose it's just natural for you to worry and it's not always easy to determine when you are overstepping your bounds. I admit I'm not that well versed in helping former addicts but my guess is that in this situation, one of the best things you could do is just reassure her that you are older now and she doesn't need to go it alone anymore, so she can feel more comfortable in admitting to you if she ever does feel weak in the future and feels the need to give in to relapse.
  6. Davienna

    Davienna Community Champion

    Thanks for sharing your story. Try to encourage her to avoid those friends as best as is humanly possible and remind her of the reasons why she had stopped the abuse in the first place. Tell her your fears repeatedly and if possible, get her to attend group sessions at least once per week. This community should help in motivating her since you are not there. In the effect to the boyfriend, share your concerns with your mother but don't be too overbearing as she is the only one that can choose her partner. Last but not least, pray for her and visit as much as possible.
  7. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    The fact that she is unemployed makes the situation difficult. If you are in a position to take her in then you should do it. She went all out to get clean for you and raise you as a proper person. But times are tough and this may not be feasible for you at this time. She also has to be willing to relocate. Nothing has been proven from what you said (that she is using again) but if it is in the future then I think advising her to terminate the relationship regardless of economic status is a must. A relapse would be worse and this time there would be no reason for her to get clean like there was when you were younger.
    notodrugs likes this.
  8. notodrugs

    notodrugs Community Listener Community Listener

    I was about to say this. If you can let her live with you, by all means, do it. If this is not possible, just see her everyday to know how she's doing. If her boyfriend is indeed an alcoholic, I hope he is not being abusive of her, considering she does not have a job.

    Talking to her daily will make her feel you are concerned and will try her best to do the right thing to please you. She already did that when you were smaller. It only shows how important you are to her. She is a noble mom for staying sober for your sake.

    I do hope she can stay away from the people in her life right now as they can possibly influence her if they haven't yet.

    Pray and pray for her to realize that these people will not bring her any good. It is better if she can pray along with you. Good luck LoyalServant.
  9. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    Whatever the real situation is, from what I can see, your mom is trying her very best to be a good mom to you, or at least in your eyes. Treasure that. I'm not so sure about her boyfriend, though. Maybe he's the one that's stimulating her to go back to Cocaine again. But again, this is just me thinking out loud. You need to talk to her about it.
  10. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    From what I gather OP has a solid bond with his mother and if this is talked out in the open I do not think she would mind at all. There are a lot of courses of action to take but some pieces of the puzzle are missing (from your perspective) and only your mother will be able to tell you what they are.
  11. c9h2ua

    c9h2ua Member

    I hope your mother will not go back to the old days. Maybe try to contact and care of her more, tell her about what you think, I think that is going to help her and also you.