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My name is addicted, how are u?

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Mohawkcowgirl, Jun 9, 2018.

  1. Mohawkcowgirl

    Mohawkcowgirl Member

    I just joined a few mins ago.... Im currently using, and im not only using , but i went all the way and started smashing again... Last time was 2006...
    People that arent addicts dont know what we go through. That constant battle with ourselves.. Saying to ourselves , im done this time and im throwing out my pipe, or my other stuff..only to have a person stop by with your drug of choice, and "POOF" away goes all your good intentions..This happens to much, and i need to know how to stop.. I suffer from severe depression and anxiety and rarely leave my house..I hate myself. I see the looks i get from family or people who know me when i have to go to grocery store.. There isnt anything another person can say about me that i havent already thought myself..Im not strong enough to stop ...yet
    jai likes this.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Mohawkcowgirl hey there! thanks for reaching out. well, one thing is for sure.... we will always be here for you without any judgment.... and we know that addiction is the monster - not you.... so come here as often as you'd like and share...

    are you thinking of an approach to quit? what are you thinking? what have you tried? what would you like to try?
  3. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Mohawkcowgirl... Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing. You've taken a big step by coming here and reaching out to us. I'm proud of you for doing that. I pray that you will be strong enough to quit soon. Quitting won't be easy, but if you're willing to commit to doing it, and you're willing to work hard at it, I know you can do it.

    We are here to help and support you any way we can, so don't hesitate to lean on us anytime you feel the need.

    Sending you love, light, hope, and encouragement.
  4. Cametobelieve0202

    Cametobelieve0202 Community Champion

    So I have some good news! I’ve met hundreds and hundreds of alcoholics and addicts. I haven’t met a single person who came into recovery not hating themselves. Of course we hate ourselves, our addiction makes us assholes who are unbearable to be around. We are constantly going against our morals and behaving in terrible ways. It’s almost like, of course we’re depressed when we first come into recovery, of course we have anxiety because we’re living in a constant state of fear and chaos. Now to the good news, much of that will change if you work a recovery program go to meetings, work the steps, get a sponsor, all that jazz. Through that process we take a look at ALL of the **** that makes us addicts in the first place, all of our asshole behaviors and character defects. And we change them! For me it was kind of mind blowing that I now had the ability to make decisions ethically. Like i was no longer doing anything I could to get the next “fix”. For years and years I lived the life of an addict, someone who was selfish, self seeking, dishonest and just all around a bad person. Then I started to change, I wanted to be someone the 10 year old version of me would be proud of. These are the AA PROMISES, what WILL happen if you work the program “If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are halfway through, we are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past not wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will no peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone we will see how our experience can benifet others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffles us.” Every single one of these has come true for me, and can for you too.
    Dominica and deanokat like this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Awesome post, @CMMW. Thanks so much for the insight and hope. Glad you're a part of this community!
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @CMMW great insight and inspiration there. awesome!
    deanokat likes this.
  7. jai

    jai Member

    I know what you are going thru I have been an addict for over 30 years. I quit 2 yrs ago. I relapsed 3mo ago. The 2 yrs i was clean I to would not leave my room and binge watched tv for abt 2mo straight. I was miserable depressed same as you. I believe the one mistake was doing the detox at home with no support, but I never stayed clean longer then 6 mo when I did get treatment. Most of the treatment centers I went to where a joke. The counselors didnt have a clue about what a addict goes thru because they are not addicts themselves. I went to meetings listened to stories listened to people that claimed they where clean only to find out they were not . Also getting caught up in the game again with people I met in the program. Anyway we cant tell our family friends ext we are clean because they heard that story to many times. I just stared to be honest with myself honest with my family. I found that telling the truth this last time made me stronger, and quit useing again before I really got bad . Im getting the treatment that is right for me because I feel I AM in control of my recovery no one else. Understand the road to recovery is long and hard but if you want it bad enough u will get it. Dont be ashamed of Drug addiction, dont give people that power over you, because no one is perfect.
    True concern likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Amen to that, @jai.
    True concern likes this.
  9. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @jai so glad you're getting treatment that is right for you.... sounds like you've got a good grasp on what you want and need in life, and sobriety is one thing! good for you!

    hope you'll stay on touch here and keep encouraging others!
    deanokat and True concern like this.