My Sister

I will never know the struggle that it is for someone to break the addiction to heroin, but the shame I feel just posting here anonymously gives some hint of the pressures involved.

My sister is a heroin user, and has been for probably longer than I know. The worst part is that I watched it happen. She moved desperately from alcohol, to marijuana, to methamphetamines, until ending up where she is now. I think there were moments where I could have positively intervened, but I never did. Even now I haven't fully come to terms with my own culpability.

This shouldn't be about me though. Where do you start? Where do you start when the relationship has passed to the point where we are barely acquaintances? Do I have any hope of reaching her, or how deep is she hidden there beneath the years of addiction?

I have been a heroin addict for years and it is a serious struggle day to day. I know that in my addiction I isloate. I don't talk to any of my friends or family, unless I need money... I would say that all you can really do is just be there for her when she is ready. The only way we can change is if we are ready and decide to change for ourselves. I can't imagine what it is like being the loved one of an addict and not being able to really break through to us or help. You really just have to let it run its course, if that makes sense. If you need to talk or anything feel free to message me anytime!

@Danyell, thank you, and I may take you up on your offer as this will certainly be a long process. I try not to dwell too much on the toll it takes on me as at most it is collateral to what my sister is experiencing.

You say that you isolate yourself, and I see the same thing in my sister, where does that come from? I've been thinking recently that if she could talk to me without any sense of being judged, I could at least help bridge that isolation. What I'm not sure about is if that judgement comes from me, or is something that she puts on herself.

@dakotacensus for me, I began isolating from everyone because there was this big part of my life that was a huge secret. The thing with my addiction is that it is not just about the heroin, it is also the lifestyle that the drug has me in. Once that switch went off and I became a full blown addict, I will do anything to support it. Most of my friends and family didn't understand that it is much more than just me wanting to get high. They don't understand that I don't want to live this way, but it is the only way I know how to live anymore. I don't know how to deal with my emotions, or anything for that matter without using. The only way to even half way describe the urge and want that I get to use is with this example- like when you are in the car with a baby and have to pee really, really, really bad (like about to pee your pants bad). You are literally about to pee your pants so you run into bathroom really fast and leave the baby in the car seat and then return. After you go to the bathroom you feel much better and then return to the baby. So how that kind of relates, is with addiction you have this super super super intense urge or craving that only using (in the example - going to the bathroom) will make it go away and you will feel better. I like using that example because once you have to go to the bathroom really bad, it is the only thing that is on your mind until you relieve yourself.

With the judgment, I know for me I am very hard on myself. I beat myself up about even the smallest of things. Also, for me, it is a lot easier for me to talk to a complete stranger than it is to talk with a friend or family member. I am not really sure why, but it just is.

That's a good point as my brother had the same issue and never opened up to me. So most likely you can guide her to this community or another group where she feels comfortable with?

@Danyell based on your analogy, would you say that an addict might see the non-users in their life as obstacles in those moments? I'm wondering that is a gap I will ever be able to bridge.

And as always, thank you for the insights.

@dakotacensus I can only speak from my experience but for me, I would have to say yes. Any time I get dope sick I will always put getting well first. No matter what. Regardless if I have plans with loved ones or what, I will always put dope first sadly.

Oh and of course, you are very welcome. I hope it has helped a little.

Every single addict puts dope first, there is no way around that, that is why it's something so dangerous, people will do ANYTHING to get it.

Firstly, I'm sorry to hear that and secondly I know what you mean sunflogun when people will do anything to get it, I think that is the power of addiction that it has on people. It is temptation and an issue of self control.

We are owned by the substances, that is why the only way we can act on an addict is to make him/her see we are there for them and that an alternative exists.

Sorry to hear what you're going through. I very well understand she's your sister and you're somehow entitled to protect her, but you mustn't put this much guilt on yourself. Everyone makes his own choices, regardless of them being good or bad, and you don't have any kind of control over it. If you take the situation more easily, mentally wise, you will see that things will fix for itself.

I never tried heroine, but I did abuse drugs and alcohol and I know how isolated one can feel. I still isolate myself even now, mostly because I am having a tough time. I feel so sorry you are in this situation, but let me tell you it's very normal for your sister to isolate herself right now. If she ever decides to get help and follow a treatment to quit heroine, then make sure to be there for her. Because a relapse while trying to quit can kill her. So be careful.