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My son addiction. ...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Vilmar2, Mar 15, 2016.

  1. Vilmar2

    Vilmar2 Member

    My story maybe be similar than others...My older son (32) he is addict to meth...and I found really 2 years ago..for his addiction he loose his wife,his job, his apartment, his car ( wife deported to her country Tonga for using drug) and my 3 little angels live now with aunty because my son still on SAFP program order by court..for the last almost 8 months...I dont know how can help him...nobody in my family side or father side be addict...its so difficult for me understand and I in constantly stress and depressed. ...He going release on may by c4 (live in my house)..My question How I can help him for no relapse???
  2. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    I think it's very important to let him know you're supporting him. Don't be negative around him just try to lift him up but be genuine about it. You can be encouraging without being pushy. Just try to be there for him by listening to him and allowing him to open up to you if he wants to. There's not much else you can do. It's a very sensitive area to be in.
    bhu likes this.
  3. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @Vilmar2 welcome. The most important thing to do right now is to deal with your stress and depression before your son arrives. You've come to the right place to seek out suggestions that you'll find here and in other forum discussions. You may even need to seek counseling.

    Take time to become acquainted again with your son. There has been a lot of changes in his life and he may not be too open at first. @doatk22 mentioned be encouraging but not pushy.

    We are here for you and your son to listen, share, give support and encouragement as long as you need it.
    bhu likes this.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it is hard to wrap your mind around addiction and what it can do to people but sadly it happens and many people here have been through very similar things that you are going through. When he comes back to your home be supportive and not only talk to him but listen to him and what he has to say. He needs your love and support more so then ever before. I will keep him in my prayers. We are here for you to help and support in anyway possible.
  5. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    All your will need and all you should offer is your support. Don't bring up what he's lost because while negative motivation at times works, there are times it doesn't and you certainly don't want to find out if it will.

    Focus solely on encouraging him to keep fighting the cravings for meth when he comes out. It could help.

    All the best.
  6. Vilmar2

    Vilmar2 Member

    Thank everyone for your beautiful words. Sometimes is very hard think and help your son with your HEART and with your side of MOM... I start reading a lot a book searching for more skills to dealing with him and me at the same time. I want to learn to fighting this DEVIL can affect a lots a family with different background and especially my family, my grand kids is so hard explain to them why Mom left them to live in another country more than 25 hrs. away, and why they have to visit daddy in Johnston Unit Jail...sometimes is so difficult holding my tears...I know I need to be strong for continue giving my son my unconditional support. Again Thanks for take your time for help me...
  7. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    I am glad you are here @Vilmar2, but also sorry you are dealing with this. I also have an adult child addicted to meth. She is prison and to be released in October. It is her third time in. I am praying this time will be the last, but I will just have to wait and see. It is really up to him to make the right choices. The only way is for him to stay away from all his old friends. It is hard! Keep in touch and let us know how you are doing :)
  8. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Your son deserves your support now more than ever. However, parents of addicted children have to walk a fine line between offering support and enabling an addiction. It is not an easy road to walk, but somehow it has to be done. I hope this is something you can do for yourself and your son.
  9. Vilmar2

    Vilmar2 Member

    Thank you... I pray too for your daughter I hope this is the last time for her. I also always I ask this Questions?? Why is going to be the different this time for your daughter for the others 2 time?.. Really inside my HEART I pray for my that my son learn and take responsibilities for his action... I know he have really codependency with his wife, but know she deported to her country and because we US citizen he don't need to deal to deported to no where...but he need to be realistic that he loose everything he love for his addiction... Just I need to pray and be strong for helping for the best of my grand kids... if he pass this difficult moment maybe he can go and reunite with his wife on Tonga (Country).. Again thanks and I pray for your daughter...
  10. Tremmie

    Tremmie Community Champion

    Sadly there is nothing you can do, other than be very supportive and mindful of his feelings. Just support him as much as you can and hope for the best, he won't stop unless he truly wants to. I'd advice you to take him to NA meetings or at least discuss that possibility with him to see if he really wants to work on quitting this addiction. Best of luck and I hope things get better.
  11. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    Thank you, @Vilmar2. I haven't been able to provide my daughter a home when she got out in the past. This time I can, so I am hopeful that I can help her work through it. Be there for her when she feels like using. There is no guarantee she will make it, but I must make the effort to help her! I know we will all be thinking of and praying for you and your son as well!!
  12. Steve Dawson

    Steve Dawson Community Champion

    Try to support your son as much as possible, but you have to look after yourself as well, it sounds as if its having quite a negative effect on your life as well. He is at least getting professional help and thats greatm because they can get to the root of his addiction without the emotional attachment you have. Take some time for yourself, and always try to let your son know how much you love him and want to support him, but remember not to burn yourself out too.
  13. achexx84

    achexx84 Active Contributor

    I think this is so important and so very true. It's possible to be supportive and caring, yet still be concerned. The worst thing that you can do is be negative and always expect the worst to happen. People do change, people do learn. Sometimes, they just need a little extra guidance. Be supportive and be ready for some changes. Make sure he knows that there is always open communication allowed. No point in keeping secrets, since you already know what his addiction has done to him, his family, and you as well. The more he feels that he is able to talk to you openly and freely, the more successful he will be. I wish you and your family luck and may all be well.
  14. Dank Dex

    Dank Dex Member

    Ultimately, do as most the thread suggests. On a spiritual/metaphysical level. Be in all spirits of positivity and encouragement. The chance of relapse at his release depends on him; if he does not want to redose, truly does not, he won't. Many people don't know but Amphetamine withdrawals are very short.. and non physical.. very easy to get over. It's not like opiate addictions where your body is in pain, or benzodiazepine addictions where you can potentially die from withdrawal. It's purely physiological, begins after 24 hours after the initial dose wears off (so depending saturation of the molecule or how often he had done it, it's a 2 day to 2 month recovery.) Also, it's a flattening of the dopamine and serotonergic neurotransmitters in the brain.. but with methamphetamine it's to such a degree.. that.. emotions aren't felt.. (depending level of use and level of withdrawal) Like, the more meth he has done, could potentiate an easier withdrawal experience if truly determined to quit. Due to the fact that many emotions don't seem to be felt from the lack of certain chemical releases in the brain. To an extent that there's not even enough of these molecules to feel sad or depressed, or to note it, most the time a recovering amphetamine addict just sleeps and eats. You may realize you're dull/tired/and a zombie. But you won't have an emotional tie to much until recovery is reached. Some methamphetamine addicts actually won't redose during withdrawal if they made it that long between doses because they're so stretched out that they pretty much get too lazy to go get meth, let alone pack a pipe, hahaha. The only thing to note in addictions with amphetamines is the first two days of withdrawal from excessive use generally come with psychosis. For some that's no issue, to others it comes with a bunch of problems.

    EDIT: Forgot to mention. If he comes home without any intentions to quit, don't be discouraged, he may just be in a negative state of mind, give it time. Also don't be so head over heels to hear him say he wants to quit, not that it's false, however, from personal experience, 99% of overcoming an addiction, or anything, even fears in life.. is us telling ourselves we're going to do it.. until we finally do.. but if he does come home with those words flying out his mouth, be supportive as you can, yet don't be overly involved (from his perspective at least). Also! Very big but, show him some trust.. if he's sincerely trying, it should be the most encouraging thing you can do for him. Most addiction problems are a result of environmental exposure. If you can keep him busy at home, that'd be helpful definitely. Luckily, you may not even have to deal with his withdrawal, due to the time he spent in a social institution, assuming the institute was clean. So that's like a step already cleared for you. If he does come home first thing, and not to his normal environment, as long as he's kept preoccupied, in a positive and healthy environment, I can only see success.

    Best of luck to you and your son! :)
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2016
  15. queend17

    queend17 Active Contributor

    Don't turn into a drill exercise, just turn it into spending time with family, simply just make him feel loved and welcomed. Just try to find little and subtle ways to help him continue battling his addiction everything from doing arts and crafts to helping find ways to battle against any form of depression or stress he comes across (cause sometimes those are the setback triggers), but none the less just try and make your son feel comfortable...
  16. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    I think when he comes home, you should encourage him to stay clean without judging him. Help him get back on his feet by advising him to get a job so that he could get his family back together again.
    Highlight the dangers of addiction and how it has torn his family apart. Help him see the good sides he possesses and let him feel like a man again.
  17. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    @Vilmar2 welcome to this wonderful community of family and friends. I can only pray that you are able to cope with your son's addiction, help him where you can and be sure to take care of yourself. I think you are doing a great thing reading as much as you can and be sure to take advantage of all the resources you find here in the forum. Also know that you have a wonderful resource in the caring people here who have already started to give you advice. Much love to you during this very difficult period. It's going to get have to believe this.
  18. BBarnett22

    BBarnett22 Member

    I say this to everyone as a current addict with knowledge, the biggest problem that causes people to re-lapse is going back around the same people, the same places & doing the same things that you did when you were an active user.
    Give him love and support but also be extremely strict on him.

    Good luck to you both.

    Fight the battle.
    Not the war.
  19. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I agree that you should be extremely strict with him, because if not then nothing will happen. Persuade him gently to go to rehab or counselling, and always show him that you love him and care for him.
  20. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Agree that being there to show support and care is the best you can do for him. Try to advice him or remind him whenever necessary of the things that he should avoid. Including the people that he should avoid seeing who will just influence him to get back to the addiction.