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My stepdad won't quit coke for family

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Anonymous2003, Jul 14, 2019.

  1. Anonymous2003

    Anonymous2003 Member

    We have tried to talk to him over and over. My mom is so tired of it, and has points of considering relapse of her sobriety when it comes to drugs, apart from marijuana. His drug use has impacted me, whose been through drug use(I'm 15), his work life, where him and his buddies are high and drunk in the back of the restaurant, and his relationship with my mom. He promised my family he'd stop. He said all the things to make us began to trust us. But here we are, with my mom and him arguing about the coke baggies in his laundry. This isn't the first time someone has chosen drugs over me. 3 years ago, I was not allowed to be with my Grammy for a few months, due to finding drugs in the car of mine and her car accident. I wish I could get help for my moms boyfriend, but I don't want her to be angry. Hes aggravated, loud, obnoxious, and rude when he comes home intoxicated. I'm losing hope.
  2. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    i'm really sad that you have to deal with this. i was 15 when i developed a drug problem. mostly alcohol until 17 or 18 but the second i felt that intoxication i knew i was going to go back for more as soon as i could. being homeschooled that was just about every day. i was also good at hiding it, since i was functional up till near the very end of it. i used for 15 years. i'm going on 32 this year and going on a year and a half clean.

    when i was little my dad was still an alcoholic. he used to be an addict from when he was in vietnam and came back addicted to heroin. but he had stopped that by the time i came along. i do remember the drinking though. i'm a quite drunk. he's the opposite. it was not fun. but that was many years ago and water way under the bridge. i cannot say i understand what it's like to have a father figure in your life using. i do know what it's like to have two half brothers who are both way older than me who use. one is a coke monster. i've never seen anyone be able to put as much powder up their nose as he does i mean i don't know how it's physically possible. my other brother is an alcoholic. he's as bad with alcohol as the one is with coke.
    they are 19 and 21 years older than me. i did not meet them until i was 18. i wish i never had honestly. my dad let them be adopted and it was for their good.
    i have written them off. both of them, last year. it was not easy but i had to. i would have relapsed by now if i had not done that. have you considered al-anon meetings?
    i didn't know until recently that my parents went to those when i was in to my period of heavy abuse.
    i go to celebrate recovery personally. they have a place there for family struggling with living with abusing family members.
    never lose hope though. it's always darkest before the dawn. i've found that that is more than just a saying-there is a lot of truth to it.
    keep talking about it. i know for a fact that bottling stuff up never helps. i'll pray for you and your family, and i hope to hear from you again.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Anonymous2003 hello and welcome. thanks for reaching out. i'm sorry you and your family have to go through this. addiction is a disease that can certainly affect entire families. i wish your step-dad would make the attempt to quit. does your mom attend support group meetings? just curious. might help her...and of course, you could attend as well... (al-ateen is pretty good)

    i know it feels like he is choosing coke over ya'll. i tend to think that people don't consciously choose drugs over their loved ones... the compulsion is so strong for the addict... affecting their brain and decision making. but that's just my opinion.

    feel free to come here and share anytime. we are here for you.
    Joshstillclean and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Welcome to the community, @Anonymous2003. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your stepdad, but I'm glad you found us and decided to share.

    I wish I had a magic answer to give you that would help you fix everything. Unfortunately, addiction is a complicated brain disease and we can't fix the people who suffer from it. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach us this about a loved one's addiction: We didn't cause it, we can't control it, and we can't cure it. The only person who can fix the addict is the addict themselves. It has to come from within.

    The things your stepdad has told you--like promising to stop--are likely being said just to manipulate you. That's what addicts do. They tell loved ones what they want to hear, because it buys them more time to use. I'm very familiar with this because I grew up with an alcoholic father and have an adult son who is a struggling addict/alcoholic. If I had a dollar for every time the two of them promised me they'd quit, said they were going to get help, or apologized for their behavior, I'd be a wealthy, wealthy man.

    Like @Dominica said, support groups might really help your mom. If she's not going to them already, maybe she should look into Nar-Anon or Al-Anon (which are groups for loved ones); or, if she's worried about relapsing herself, perhaps an NA, AA, or SMART Recovery (12-step alternative) meeting would be helpful for her. I also highly recommend Alateen meetings for you. You can find out more about Alateen and their meetings on their website:

    You are in a tough spot, for sure. Just remember: You are not alone. There is support out there for you, and we will help and support you however we can. You can always come here and post, even if it's just to vent.

    I'm sending lots of positive energy and hope in your direction. I will pray hard for your stepdad and mom, too.
    Dominica likes this.
  5. Teetee

    Teetee Active Contributor

    I will be blunt as possible, as a former addict and someone who has relapsed here and there, if someone does not want help, get rid of them, but still help them as a friend, you cannot be there for them in wife or GF, its not fair that someone does not want to help themselves and chooses drugs over there family. He must be told how serious this issue is because not getting help shows you are not bothered about them.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  6. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Anonymous2003 get all the family and friends of his you can on board with a REAL INTERVENTION and if that doesn't work then at that time I would agree with @Teetee.
    Joshstillclean and deanokat like this.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  8. duremars

    duremars Member

    What makes you think that cannabis and weed are harmful? My doctor prescribed me for treatment. I read pipe reviews and came to the conclusion that they are better.
  9. mamaliga

    mamaliga Member

    What makes you think that cannabis and weed are harmful? My doctor prescribed me for treatment. I read pipe reviews and came to the conclusion that they are better. An important advantage of the technology of inhaling steam, instead of smoke, was the reduction of harm, including for passive smokers. This method aroused the interest of connoisseurs of recreational smoking-the evaporation of the staff not only reduced the consumption of raw materials, but also accelerated the onset of the psychoactive effect, whereas before, most of the active substances were simply burned in pipes and bongs.
  10. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    This thread should teach U.S.all when f uckin A.I. responds...
  11. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

  12. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion