January 14, 2004 I checked myself into rehab. I had fallen into a hole, a horrific downward spiral, the beautiful misery of heroin addiction. While heroin was my drug of choice, I put anything and everything in my body just to not feel, and did things that haunt me sometimes even now. I hit bottom, and then fell just a little bit further, solidifying my need to change, testing myself on whether I truly wanted to live. I spent 5 days inpatient, after leaving the hospital I moved into a 3/4 recovery house for women where I lived for 5 months. I learned more than I imagined about myself, and my reason for using. I attended NA meetings, sometimes 3 or 4 a day when I needed them. After I left the house I moved in with another woman in recovery for a brief time before getting my own place. I had never lived on my own, and was terrified, but I had built a solid foundation for my recovery and a strong support system around me. I stayed with NA for almost 2 years. There were aspects of the program I still use in my life today, but I left when the meetings and the people weren't helping me any longer. I joined here in the hopes of being a listening ear or guiding hand to anyone struggling, especially when the 12 steps aren't working for you. Every year, I remember just where I was and how I felt when I decided I wanted to live. It is a freeing and terrifying feeling, but better than any high I've known, and I've known them all. Please feel free to ask anything or message anytime. I will be doing my best to be on here daily.