An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the DrugAbuse.com Forums?Join or

My three sons

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by MrsJones, Nov 9, 2014.

  1. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    I've shared my story but I want to share another about my three sons. They were very young but old enough to understand that something was wrong with their father. I often wondered how they would be affected once on their own. I've watched them grow into three responsible young men. Yeah, two of them drink but not reckless or abusive to their families.

    I remember one day their father started to talk vulgar to me in the presence of one them. I was so surprised that he stepped up in front of everyone and told him to stop, that's my mom. I wanted to cry though not from fear or embarrassment but because I knew then that that behavior was not going to be tolerated from him to me any more.

    There are others who have watched and wondered about children they know who grew up under those circumstances, how they are fairing now, beit good or not so good?
    Jen S. and stariie like this.
  2. Juan

    Juan Active Contributor

    Well, I can tell you a bit about my step daughters.

    I married a divorced woman with two daughters. Her ex-husband is kind of an alcoholic. Not the kind who drinks everyday, but the kind that, when there's a celebration, he just HAS to get drunk. That has promted my daughters to hate alcohol. The small one doesn's say much about it, but the big one (starting her teens now) says that her dad makes a fool of himself and makes her feel embarrased. I went with my wife to pick the girls up at his birthday last year, and I got to see what they meant.

    With kids is every important to set a good example. They have seen me and my wife drinking at some point, but it's always a couple of drinks. I think last time I got drunk was on my twenties, and I think I finally understand my body enough to know when to stop drinking. So, hopefully, they will never see me getting drunk.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    ******


    Children will always feel some way about how parents behave when drinking or whatever. It's good that your teen daughter expresses her feelings. I don't recall my sons ever saying anything to me about their father's behavior but I'm sure they talked amongst themselves - they were very close.
  4. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I think it is good when children are taught that the behaviors they may see on a daily basis are not the behaviors that they want to emulate when they become adults. Children are very perceptive, and if they are taught the right way to go, they can follow that right way, no matter who is showing them the wrong way.
    I'm glad that your son defended you, that is fabulous. It shows that he knows what is and what is not acceptable behavior towards his mother, even when that behavior comes from the other parent.
    MrsJones likes this.
  5. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    How old was your son that stepped up against your husband? I think it's great that he did because some evils need to be cut by the root so that they don't become regular. Well done by your kids!
    MrsJones likes this.
  6. wulfman

    wulfman Senior Contributor

    Props to your son. I would protect my mom at all costs. I don't know how old your son was at the time but still very brave of him to do that. I think it was around the age of 14-15 where I had any guts to say anything back to my dad. But my dad was always good to my mom and was always a good father and husband. I strive to be like him every day.
  7. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    My son was 34 at the time it happened. Actually, it was my ex. We had be divorced since 1984 and that happened last year. I had remarried and my husband was present at the time and he was so angry that I thought a fight was going to happen but he remained in control.
  8. Jen S.

    Jen S. Guest

    It sounds like you've raised 3 boys to be good men, @MrsJones
    Your husband probably gave them great examples of how NOT to treat women :)
    MrsJones likes this.
  9. maryannballeras

    maryannballeras Senior Contributor

    Wow, I almost cried reading your story, especially on that part where he stood up for you and defended you. I don't have any children yet but I'm actually afraid of raising them in the wrong way, since I can't even handle myself really well. You're one great parent, that I must say.
    MrsJones likes this.
  10. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Indeed, it's in this times in life that we see all the effort that we made raising the kids rewarded, good job MrsJones, your boys have grown to be great men!
    MrsJones likes this.
  11. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    In many homes where there is abuse of any kind, the children learn the same habits as parents are the builders of a foundation. When childen see how the parents respond to each other, they will in later life be like them. Some are different and specifically go out of their way not to become that specific parent. The lucky and strong willed are sober and loving.
    MrsJones likes this.
  12. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    Let me commend you for raising your sons in a responsible manner if it were not for you they would probably be messed up by alcohol just like your husband. My dad passed away when i was quite young but i can remember vividly how he used to treat our mum with respect. Though he used to drink, it was usually in moderation and i guess it didn't impact on us negatively. Am glad that your sons are doing okay and i can only wish them well.
    MrsJones likes this.
  13. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It is good to know that you have raised your sons well and that they are okay in their lives.
    Your son who stood up to defend you definitely loves you and courageous enough to show that. I hope they will continue to live their lives better far from their father's image.
    MrsJones likes this.
  14. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I wish my kids keep growing like that. Currently they still stand up for what they see as unfair, if I am having a discussion with my wife for example they sometimes interfere lol, they are just too small though.
  15. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    When I was a kid, my parents use to have fights over stupid discussions, my father would came home drunk later in the night and my mother was always telling him that she takes me and goes away (she was somehow thinking he was at prostitutes). I remember I was terrified on those moments as I never wanted to leave my home, it was my comfort zone, and the simple thought of leaving it gave me goosebumps. I can't say how it affected me or if it had any affect, in the later ages at least it didn't, but on the first ages I was always being very paranoid when my father came later home.
  16. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener


    Thank you for sharing your history when you were little.

    It's so hard to imagine what goes through a child's mind and the fear like you experienced. I pray that there was some forgiveness that replaced those sad times.
  17. Lexi

    Lexi Member

    @MrsJones That is a wonderful story to hear. So often when there is one person being abusive to another, everyone else will watch and not step in, I've seen this sort of thing. Everyone has.

    It is important to stand up for others. When you do, you reduce the confidence in the abuser and they will be less abusive because of your simple action. When someone has a high comfort level and is being abusive, there is no stopping them. But, when you step in a remove that comfort - letting them know the "victim" has support - the abuser will not feel as comfortable, he/she will feel more "alone".

    When you don't step in and stand up for someone, that attacker will feel as if what he/she is doing is completely fine. It's important to show the person that what they are doing is not going to continue.
    MrsJones likes this.
  18. GenevB

    GenevB Community Champion

    @Lexi sadly, much of the time people will watch passive when someone is being violent with another person, in my country for example you can die without anyone asking you anything, this is so sad. As you sad, if you don't step in for someone the attacker will have the belief that he can't be punished for what he/she's doing and will do it even badly.