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Need advice. New at this..

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Savannah, Feb 3, 2018.

  1. Savannah

    Savannah Member

    My boyfriend was an addict in his younger years and then he got sober for two years . We got back together after he was sober for a while, and so was I. I have a 4 and a half year old daughter. He's not her biological dad but she calls him dad and he treats her as his own. Both of us were sober and doing pretty good. I had recently got my own apartment with my daughter and a new vehicle . He was living an hour and a half away working a really good job going to the gym everyday and church and meetings and both of us were so happy... He decided to move in and leave his job and start over here with me and Auhbree. He came here and got a job here and got a gym membership here and everything was going more than perfect. Both of our main Choice in Drugs is methamphetamines , and on New Year's everything was perfect our lives were perfect and then we decided to get high once like old times (drunken decision) and ever since then we have been on and off doing it. Since then he has lost his job (lack of sleep and being late) he got my car taken away (driving all sorts of illegal) and tonight he was arrested for acting out in my apartment complex (paranoia ) and we may be getting kicked out of here because of the circumstances and tonight was the first time in my years of parenting that I thought that it was possible for me to get in trouble and lose my daughter. Obviously I know that as a parent especially it is bad to do any kind of drugs but believe it or not I've always been a great parent. I know that I can stay sober for her but he has lost everything that he has work so hard for over the last two years and I don't know how to help him or how to act or what to do. I feel like we are slowly losing everything. It sounds miserable right? But when there is no drugs involved , he's the greatest man I've ever met. And we're happy together. I guess I'm making this because I want to know if it's possible to stay sober myself and also help him and encourage him as much as I can. Everything literally went bad in a month and I've decided that I cannot let it get worse. I know treatment is probably what everyone is thinking but I cannot go to treatment because I have nobody to take care of my daughter and he just got out of being in treatment and some other stuff for the past 2 years. We want a way to do this without being in a treatment facility. Not only just how to stay sober but how to be happy in the process and how to work with each other especially knowing that soon things are going to be even harder because of the car and apartment and money issues. How do I do this all at once? How do I do all of this at the same time and still be a good mom? I'm lost, and so is he.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Savannah hey there. thanks for sharing. it may take both of you reaching out for face-to-face help somewhere. doing it on your own is challenging, as you know. if treatment isn't an option, seek other avenues. 12 Step groups... (Narcotics Anonymous, SMART Recovery)... Counseling... Get back to church, ask pastor for mentoring, etc.

    It's going to take big changes.... but you can do it...

    If he isn't willing to get clean, then you'll have to make some major decisions....

    There are some online video recovery meetings... check them out.

    https://www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/view?meeting_id=43

    Please don't be afraid to reach out for help however you can. Free help involves the 12 Step groups.. I know not everyone is for them, but they are free, and they can be helpful... go and really work the program. If you can get to counseling, go. Educate yourself on addiction... read books, watch YouTube videos, etc. Invest in yourself like that.

    Address the addiction first, and those other things will be easier to obtain (job, money, etc.)

    Hope this helps.. It's a process for sure...try not to think of the big picture right now... The first step is to decide what type of treatment you will go after....make a list if you need...and go for it.

    You are a good mom...and he is a good guy... addiction can and will mess with that as you know... so if you can't stop on your own.... do something different.

    Hope this helps.
    Savannah likes this.
  3. Savannah

    Savannah Member

    Thank you, that means a lot. We both really want to get involved in meetings and Church and everything else but it's hard to do all of that and commit to it when we have no reliable transportation and huge financial problems. But the struggle has to be worth it, it has to get figured out..
    He gets out of detox Tomorrow night and he has an interview for Monday afternoon. We have a whole plan figured out so hopefully it goes as planned.
    Do you have any other suggestions ? Like people I can talk to, internet connections like this? Things we can do to help recovery?
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Savannah I do think the community gatherings will do you good if and when you can get there.... till then, utilize the in the rooms chat and live video meetings (link in last post).... if it were me, i'd maybe do a daily devotion (since you mentioned church)... together. there are many online ones. can encourage you both... pray together. it sounds as if you are a Christian, so look for some online church videos... or watch on tv. i think sparking your faith like that can help!

    at the same time, learn about addiction... empower yourselves like that, and if you can get to community meeting once in a while, go... it WILL take a lot of effort to get and stay clean and get yourselves set financially... no short cuts.... but it WILL be worth it!
    Savannah likes this.