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Need advice on heroin addicted boyfriend

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by millerca, Feb 21, 2015.

  1. millerca

    millerca Member

    I've been dating this kid that I've known for almost 2 years now, for 5 months. I'm 18, and he's 17. He has been using opiates since 7th grade, it's been 5 years. He was addicted to oxys, did so many percs, and then started snorting heroin. He says he stopped heroin for a coupe months before and when we first started dating, I doubt, and recently picked it up again, probably because of his 'childhood brestfriend' that's also addicted to heroin, and shoots it.
    In the beginning of our relationship he said something about doing percs again because afterall opiates are his thing and I told him that's not what I signed up for I don't want to be with someone who does that **** and he said ok I wont, and then proceeded to lie to me for like 3 months. The past month I've noticed his pupils were constricted so often and when I asked he lied to my face countless times. When he eventually told me the truth, I cried and make him promise not to do it anymore. That happened about 3 times. The most recent time I was ready to break up with him but we worked things out with more promises, which the next day he breaks already snorting two bags of dope with his friend as his 'last time'. He's been supposedly clean for like a day almost two.
    The biggest issue is he doesn't see why heroin is bad at all. It's probably because he's been using them since the 7th grade, and he's become so used to it. That's a problem because in my eyes heroin is disgusting. He really thinks it's like a game, and that for him quitting will be easy (as long as he has percs to help him off) I'm afraid this is going to be a lifelong battle that I'm not sure I can stick by for. I've told him if he lies to me again I'm automatically done, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm getting lied to right now. But I do love him and he chased me for a good year while I was messing around, and convinced me that he was completely in love with me, so it doesn't make sense how he could lie to me countless times, not to mention the infinite number of little lies to cover up his tracks. This whole situation ruined what to me was a great relationship that could've lasted, but now I feel depressed all the time, and I just want to cry. I don't know what to do..
  2. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    The sad truth is no matter how you beg, plead, bargain, threaten, or love someone you cannot stop them from doing something they haven't come to the place where they are willing to stop. Which is another reason why I've always found forcing people into treatment to be counter-intuitive. As far as him & his friend are concerned, your boyfriend is dangerously close to shooting it himself. Having a best friend who does the same drug you do but intravenously is a complicated monster for anyone to tackle.
    You should do what you can to convince him he should try going another direction in his life. If you choose to do this than you have to be equally as willing to walk away if he makes a choice you don't care for. Addicts lie. He's going to say he chooses you every time. He wants his cake & to eat it as well. You're providing him the fork by staying.
    Laura123 likes this.
  3. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    There is nothing you can do to "fix" his problem. He has to make the decision to quit and he has to really want it, not because you are forcing him. I dealt with an alcoholic who swore for 7 years he would quit. In my case it was not only me he needed to quit for, but our family. If you are going to accept him, are also accepting heroin into your life. You are too young to be dealing with such a mess. I say let it go.
  4. blur92

    blur92 Senior Contributor

    He can still love you and have a problem. He may lie because he does not want you to leave and hopes you won't find out. He needs professional help. I do not think this is a problem he can overcome on his own. A rehabilitation center is most likely his best option along with your support.
  5. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    This is sad to hear about a teen being addicted to heroine so young. You should seek professional help for your boyfriend even if it means ending your relationship because his addiction will end badly or even tragically and you may be left feeling guilty. No matter how much you ask him to stop, I don't think it will make him and he needs treatment before it is too late for him.
  6. bsthebenster

    bsthebenster Community Champion

    You should be careful here when thinking about where you want to be one, five and ten years from now. Can he bring you down a dark path? Is he trying his hardest to fix the problem? Has he bothered checking into rehab? These are all things to think about.

    That being said, it is more than possible to rise above these issues. When and my SO got together, I had a 12 - 20 drinks a night alcohol problem, I'm now sober and we're doing just fine. Got our own house and everything. Just see where he's at in terms of willingness to better himself.
  7. kwoodard902

    kwoodard902 Member

    I agree with you, If you want to be with him then you will need to accept him for all that he is, including the heroin. If you can not accept this you need to move on. You should set him down and talk about what you want and need in life. If he isn't on the same page I would reconsider things. If you love him tell him what is on your mind, but waste years trying to change him. he will not change if he doesn't want to.
  8. Adrianna

    Adrianna Community Champion

    Addicted since the 7th grade? Well the answer is elementary. Ditch him. I mean really. You think he is in love with you because he chased you when you were having some fun without him. This is part of an abusive addictive pattern. He likes abuse and wants someone when they don't want him.
    It's called state the obvious, that he needs to clean himself up, draw the line, and that's it. Disassociate and realize there can't be a relationship there. All you can do is be a friend and lend an ear. Otherwise this is endless and a waste of your time.
  9. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    You're currently in a difficult situation. I know how you feel and why you're feeling the way you do. However, you should have been forewarned. He already disclosed to you what he was from the outset so you could have taken it from there. When you forged a relationship with an already well-known substance abuser, did you accept him hoping you could change him for the better? I am not sure but there was a clear warning there. Still, I am quite aware of the spark between you two. It's just that drugs got in the way and twisted your boyfriend's behavior. There's no clear-cut route out of your problem. Nevertheless, you have to make a stand:

    1) Stay but bring out the best in him.
    2) Stay but watch him fall.
    3) Leave the relationship but continue to help him as someone who cares.
    4) Leave and let other people handle him instead.

    What's your choice?
  10. harold

    harold Community Champion

    You are really in a big mess now and need to take some radical decisions. he needs to take more radical decisions than you do. He has to decide to quit from the bottom of his heart. A mere decision won't suffice. He also has to seek help. Help is the only thing that can get him back to the right track. You also need to take very radical decisions. One of the decisions you need to take should be to discipline him. You are still young and obviously should be in the position to discipline him. Keep a reasonable distance from him, that does not send him out totally, but that allows him to know that he has to make changes. If he can't listen to you, quit. It will be painful, but it will be the right decision.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @millerca... Like Al-Anon says, you didn't cause your boyfriend's addiction, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. He is the only one who can fix his problem.

    Love is a powerful thing, and I totally understand when people stay with someone despite their shortcomings. That said, you're so young and have your entire life ahead of you. You have to ask yourself what's best for YOU.

    Your boyfriend definitely needs help, but he has to be willing to accept help. I'm just curious...Where are his parents in all this? When my son was 17 and addicted to heroin, my wife and I were doing everything we could to support and help him. I hope your boyfriend's parents haven't just given up on him.

    Being depressed and feeling bad all the time really sucks. I'm so sorry that your boyfriend's addiction is having this kind of an effect on you. Unfortunately, that's what happens when people we love are addicted. We can't take it personally, though. Even the lies. Lies are just part of the addiction and manipulation. The old saying says "An addict will steal your wallet and help you look for it." They will do whatever they have to do to satisfy their needs. It's a very selfish disease.

    I'm kind of rambling now, but I want you to know that you have a choice. I can't tell you what to do, but I'll say it again: You have to ask yourself what's best for YOU. Sometimes the best thing to do is the thing we're most afraid of, and the thing that's the hardest to do. I hope you are able to find peace of mind soon.

    We are here to help and support you in any way we can. Don't hesitate to keep coming back here, okay? I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and sending you a virtual hug.