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Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by Rxaxn, Jun 30, 2018.

  1. Rxaxn

    Rxaxn Member

    I dont really know what all is going on. There are so many lies it gets really confusing, especially when I dont know much about different types of drugs. I have been with my boyfriend for going on 20 years and have a 15 year old son together.

    It started with pills, he was first prescribed them from a doctor and then it got really bad. He became scary and abusive and I left him. He got better and we worked things out. But he kept getting back on them/off them. Now he is on test from a doctor and I also know he is getting more else where and on pills again. I left him and he convinced me to come back again because he wanted help and I helped him get the help.

    This is around 6 years of up and downs. It only took a month before i started noticing things again. I know he is on test and pills. But i started noticing really odd behaviour. He started hiding in the bathroom and eventually in the garage with the door locked. When in the bathroom he would work in shelves. I now have like 30 random shelves in my bathroom and he'd lock the door during. Now he is constantly working on his car or other random things obsessively. He used to go to bed at 8 on the dot. He is now up till like 2 in the morning or later when he gets up at 4:30 for work. I'm not even sure if he sleeps but 0 to 2 hours a night. He makes up crazy lies, makes me think I'm crazy. He acts strange one minute and normal another. But he is almost always hiding so most of the time i don't see him and he keeps saying when i am done with this I'll have more time. The only thing he eats is sugar mostly ice cream and never eats anything else. I saw him nodding out the other day for the first time.

    I then snuck in the garage while he was gone. I found a white powder kind of looked skiny, rolled up in a dollar bill with a flame lighter thing. And some little baggys sitting around and a tiny scale. I have no clue what it is but my guess is it is meth after reading as much as i could about it.

    I hope this isn't crazy long but we were high school sweet hearts and I love him so much. I dont want to see him like this but i dont know what to do. I confronted him and told him its done. Hes been staying somewhere else and I am trying to figure out how to get my own place with the little money I make. I dont know if it is time to talk to my son about everything, he's been as sheltered from this as i could keep him. And i dont know if i should tell my boyfriends parents because im afraid of what he might do. I know i need to get my son and I out but I really don't know what the right thing to do for him is. I am so lost.
  2. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    It is meth or cocaine...No doubt about it.You must do what is best for you and your son and i assure you no matter how sheltered your son is at 15 year's old he is absolutely aware something is very wrong.You must talk to him and i believe you and your son need counseling as does your boyfriend but YOU and your SON come first
  3. Rxaxn

    Rxaxn Member

    Thank you. I will get us out. It is all I can think about. I know I will never get the man I loved back and the great father he once was is long gone. I feel like a horrible mom for letting my son live in the middle of this, and I've just let myself be naive.

    And I am going to talk to my son. Thank you for that. I really needed to hear that more then you know. I needed to know it was the right thing to tell him what is going on.
  4. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Goog luck and please keep us posted,we care more than you could even imagine.Stay Strong and God Bless
  5. Rxaxn

    Rxaxn Member

    I will! It feels good to know anyone cares, and to be able to talk about it helps calm me.

    I am looking for a second job, and just about to look for apartments right now.
    True concern likes this.
  6. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Rxaxn... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this with your boyfriend. Addiction is a beast, and it can affect everyone connected with the addict. There's no doubt about that.

    My best advice is to do whatever you have to do to keep you and your son safe. Your lives matter, too, my friend. In fact, they should matter most of all.

    Remember what Al-Anon and Nar-Anon teach about a loved one's addiction: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    Taking care of yourself first and foremost isn't being selfish. It's an absolute necessity.

    We are here. If you need help, support, advice, or just a place to vent, come back anytime.

    Sending you love, light, and hope. And keeping you and your son in my thoughts and prayers. I will pray for your boyfriend, too.
    True concern likes this.
  7. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Rxaxn hello there and thanks for reaching out.... i'm sorry you are having to go through this... i agree that taking care of you and your family is your highest priority... so please keep working on that. i learned a lot through going to Nar-anon and getting a sponsor and working the steps. Helped me grow STRONGER....which was necessary for me to leave a toxic relationship.

    sounds like you have some insight and you're willing to what i call "do the work" necessary to create a better life for you and your son. that's something to be proud of.

    know that we are here for you as you continue your journey.
    True concern likes this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Hey, @Rxaxn... How are you doing today? How is your boyfriend? If you get a chance, come by and let us know how things are. We're here and we care.
  9. Rxaxn

    Rxaxn Member

    Thank you for asking. Emotionally a wreck but otherwise I am trying to just keep myself on my feet and getting things in a better place financially so i can get out on my own and have taken note of some places hiring part time for a second income. My ex is staying some where else but has been letting me know they will help me financially for our son without any fight .

    I have picked up the book Codependent No More which I saw suggested on another post and just trying to read anything I can get my hands on to stop my mind from going in circles.
    deanokat, True concern and Dominica like this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Rxaxn awesome about that book! it's really good!! :)
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    Good for you, @Rxaxn! That's a terrific book and I hope you get a lot out of it! :)
    Nessa and True concern like this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I am proud of you.You can do this and reach out any time you need to.I post often but something tells me i just got about another year worth of time to figure life out so my thoughts,opinions,and advice will most likely be just about everywhere on this site you look lol.Stay Strong and God Bless
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  13. BernardRichhi

    BernardRichhi Member

    God bless of you and your son. everything will be right. be strong and brave.
    deanokat likes this.
  14. ozy_comfy

    ozy_comfy Member

    Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you and your son are ok. It is very scary to see these changes in a loved one. I'm experiencing this now. Hoping that you are in a happy (happier) place now.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @Rxaxn..In our life there are many experiences we will encounter. Whether it is good or bad the most important thing is that we will be able to surpass it with courage and faith within ourselves. Just be strong for yourself and your son. There is no impossible thing in this world. You can do it and all the best to come.
    True concern, deanokat and Dominica like this.