An American Addiction Centers Resource

New to the Forums?Join or

Need advice

Discussion in 'Prescription Drugs' started by Urmysunshine, May 8, 2017.

  1. Urmysunshine

    Urmysunshine Member

    I'm currently dealing with an pill addiction problem with my husband. Not going to get I to the whole story, but it basically boils down to the same as others. Extreme lying, manipulation, and lots of hurt feelings. Seems like he always gets what he wants (finds new ways to get more). While I'm left being a detective to try to stay a step ahead. Ive taken away all social media, emails, bank accounts etc to try to limit his ability to purchase or sneak, but he always finds a new way to get something. And I mean it's getting impressive. I've had enough. The other day I said I was done. I can't deal with the lies and manipulation. He told me he wanted to get help, but I've heard this at least 3 times in the last 5 months. He made us an appointment with a marriage and addiction counselor so we can work on both and said he threw away his stash.....Except today I found it. I don't know whether to just throw it away or put it back so I don't have to deal with anger or his withdrawals. I'm half tempted to leave a letter in its spot. Advice??
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Urmysunshine... Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your husband. Loving someone who struggles with addiction is one of the most challenging things a human being can go through.

    You said in your post that you're "left being a detective to try to stay a step ahead." That statement indicates to me that your husband's addiction is starting to consume you. Nar-Anon and Al-Anon say this about a loved one's addiction: "You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it." By doing the things you're doing, you are trying to control your husband's problem, which will just be a futile effort because an addict will always figure out a way to get what they need. You are becoming addicted to your husband's addiction and that will likely make your life even crazier. If you continue doing what you're doing, you both will suffer. Believe me: I tried controlling my son's addiction for years, but all that did was wear me out physically and emotionally.

    Your husband is the only person who can make the decision to change his life. You can help and support him if he decides to get help, but you can't make him get help.

    You might benefit from doing some reading about the subject. There are some terrific books available that might really help you. I talk about some of my favorites in a blog I wrote a while back. Here's the link:

    6 Essential Books for Those with an Addicted Loved One

    I would also suggest you find a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area and check it out. Being among others who know exactly what you're going through and feeling can be super helpful and comforting. You will quickly discover that you are not alone.

    We're here for you anytime you need us, so don't hesitate to reach out again. In the meantime, I'm sending you tons of love and hope and hugs.