@drgon239... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles with your fiancée. There's no doubt that loving someone who battles addiction is an incredible challenge.
I'm not an expert on relationships, so I don't know if I can help you with the "should I stay or should I go?" aspect of things. What it all boils down to, I think, is what you are willing to deal with and put up with in order to try and make the relationship work. It's possible that your fiancée will maintain her sobriety; but it's also possible that she'll relapse. Addiction can be something some people beat, or it can be something other people struggle with for a lifetime. It's very unpredictable, which makes it all the more maddening.
It's also not uncommon for people to undergo some changes when they get clean and sober. For whatever reason, some people try new things (like relationships) because they're feeling different. Sometimes it's a temporary thing. Sometimes it's not. So it's hard to say what's going on with your fiancée.
If I were you, I would sit down with her the first chance I get and have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask her what she's feeling. And go from there. Maybe she just needs some space right now. Or maybe she's scared of commitment. She's really the only one who knows...and it's possible she doesn't even know.
There's a great book out there called
Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and parents of people with addiction issues and it's full of great information. Things like how to communicate better with your partner; why empathy and love work better than resentment and anger; and--most importantly, I think--how to take care of
yourself when you're dealing with your loved one's issues. (Self-care is absolutely essential!) I think you should get the book and read it ASAP. I think it will help you understand a lot of what your fiancée is going through, and help you deal with it better.
You may also want to check out an Al-Anon meeting. It can be incredibly helpful and comforting to be among people who know exactly what you're going through and feeling. Al-Anon is a fabulous support group.
We're here to help and support you any way we can. You're not alone and you can come here and lean on us whenever you'd like. Even if you just need to vent, we're here for you.
I'm sending you lots of positive energy and hope. And I will keep both you and your fiancée in my thoughts and prayers. The most important thing right now is that she's sober. Hopefully, she can build on that and you guys might be able to work things out.
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