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Need help with heroin addicted boyfriend

Discussion in 'Heroin' started by millerca, Feb 21, 2015.

  1. millerca

    millerca Member

    I've been dating this kid that I've known for almost 2 years now, for 5 months. I'm 18, and he's 17. He has been using opiates since 7th grade, it's been 5 years. He was addicted to oxys, did so many percs, and then started snorting heroin. He says he stopped heroin for a coupe months before and when we first started dating, I doubt, and recently picked it up again, probably because of his 'childhood brestfriend' that's also addicted to heroin, and shoots it.
    In the beginning of our relationship he said something about doing percs again because afterall opiates are his thing and I told him that's not what I signed up for I don't want to be with someone who does that **** and he said ok I wont, and then proceeded to lie to me for like 3 months. The past month I've noticed his pupils were constricted so often and when I asked he lied to my face countless times. When he eventually told me the truth, I cried and make him promise not to do it anymore. That happened about 3 times. The most recent time I was ready to break up with him but we worked things out with more promises, which the next day he breaks already snorting two bags of dope with his friend as his 'last time'. He's been supposedly clean for like a day almost two.
    The biggest issue is he doesn't see why heroin is bad at all. It's probably because he's been using them since the 7th grade, and he's become so used to it. That's a problem because in my eyes heroin is disgusting. He really thinks it's like a game, and that for him quitting will be easy (as long as he has percs to help him off) I'm afraid this is going to be a lifelong battle that I'm not sure I can stick by for. I've told him if he lies to me again I'm automatically done, but I wouldn't be surprised if I'm getting lied to right now. But I do love him and he chased me for a good year while I was messing around, and convinced me that he was completely in love with me, so it doesn't make sense how he could lie to me countless times, not to mention the infinite number of little lies to cover up his tracks. This whole situation ruined what to me was a great relationship that could've lasted, but now I feel depressed all the time, and I just want to cry. I don't know what to do..
  2. Thejamal

    Thejamal Active Contributor

    In my eyes, you're definitely at the point where you need to walk away. You're only hurting yourself by staying with him and he doesn't seem to have any interest in changing his behavior to make your relationship better. I'm a believer in second chances, but it sounds like you're on your 4th, 5th, and 6th chances with him. The lies aren't going to stop, so you getting out of the relationship is the best option for your own mental and physical health.
  3. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    I am writing here with the hope of "the troops" (the community) seeing this and coming to help. I don't know you should walk away and I don't know you should stay. It seems to me he needs professional help or sooner or later he'll destroy both your lives.

    I am parent. Where are his parents and extended family in this situation? From everything I have read, addicts lie their way through their addiction so that's no real surprise. If you do have to walk away to save yourself, you should but if there is anything you can do to help him if he wants the help, I say do what you can. I hope you have been able to take a look in the various sections of the forum where practical advice has been given.

    I applaud you for wanting to effect change and I trust that you will find the help you both need here.
  4. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Well, if he really does love you, he will not lie to you and make you feel stupid. I know it's going to be painful to walk away from him because I feel like you genuinely love him and you don't want to give up on him, but I guess it's the bravest thing you can do right now, to just let go of him. If he really doesn't listen to you, I guess he really doesn't care about your opinions, when in fact, you just want to make him get better.

    He needs help, but he doesn't want to help himself. You can't do anything about that.
  5. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    There is no if's, and's, or but's here. You need to drop him like a bad habit. I had to deal with loving an addict for 10 years. Our relationship started when I was 17. If I could go back 10 years ago and take my own advice I would tell myself to run, run fast, and don't look back. You cannot help or change someone that doesn't want to do it for themselves. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't struggle like I had to.

    My opinion might be harsh, but that's how I feel. Its what I wish I would have done.
  6. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    The general rule is to avoid people who say that opiates are their "thing". They are compulsive liars and would trick you into believing anything so long as they get their hands on their daily dose. Don't get me wrong, they are no less people that the rest of us but the drugs have taken over their minds causing them to make irrational decisions. The only way to try and save them is rehab or detox. However, even if they did want to cease their habits and agreed to treatment, there's always the possibility of relapsing. In such cases, there's nothing you can do but let them go. No one forced them to make the bad decisions that ruined their lives, and we shouldn't be the ones bearing the brunt of it.
  7. serenity

    serenity Community Champion

    I know you love him, but he is also hurting you as well whenever he lies and promises to you, only to have them broken as soon as you turn your back. Would you really want to be with a guy like that? A relationship that is built on lies and without trust clearly won't last, and you know this already. So you must try to walk away from a guy who clearly prioritizes drugs than you. Do not sell yourself short.