Need to talk this out

@Ashlee80 hey there. sorry you are having to go through this. those struggling with addiction can easily lie... it is tough to know when they are telling the truth.

you sound like you are becoming addicted to his behaviors... it's not uncommon for loved ones to do so...and it can drive you mad!! this is why support groups like al-anon and nar-anon or codependents anonymous are so helpful. they help you learn how to take your focus off your partner and back onto yourself... so you don't have to live in misery regardless of their behaviors.

if he doesn't think he has a problem or doesn't want help, there's not much you can do. you may have to accept that this is his life, his choices, but you do have a choice over what you're willing to accept or not accept. start thinking about your boundaries... what do YOU want and need from this relationship? from him? lay it all out there on the table... you deserve to have what you want... a healthy relationship... and a partner who is willing to "do the work" necessary to get through obstacles.... rather than run from them or numb out.

check out melody beattie's book "codependent no more". really good read and might help you... i know it has helped many on the opposite side of someone struggling with addiction.

does this help?

Welcome to the forum, @Ashlee80. I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend and his meth use, but I'm glad you reached out to us.

Unfortunately, lying seems to go hand-in-hand with being an addict. They will tell you pretty much anything to try and hide their behavior from you. That's one reason why loving an addict is so challenging: relationships are built on trust, and it's very, very hard to trust someone when they act this way.

I agree that you are becoming addicted to your boyfriend's addiction. That is not a good thing. When your well-being is affected by his behavior, that's crossing a line. You need to focus hard on practicing self-care. Go to support group meetings, do nice things for yourself, maybe spend some time away from your boyfriend so you can "catch your breath," etc. If you don't take good care of yourself, his addiction is going to bring you down, too.

I heartily endorse Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, and Codependents Anonymous. Those meetings can be incredibly helpful and comforting, because everyone there will know exactly what you're going through and feeling. You will instantly feel like you are not alone. Look for meetings in your area and give them a shot. I think you'll benefit greatly from them.

Also, think about seeing a therapist. When my son's addiction was taking its toll on me, my therapist was able to help me sort through my feelings, figure things out, and put my focus back on ME. She was a lifesaver.

Lastly, if you're giving your boyfriend urine tests, I would suggest you be in the room with him when he pees into the cup. Addicts oftentimes keep clean urine on hand so they can use it for these drug tests. I know, because my son did it for quite a while before my wife and I finally caught on. Again, it's sad that you can't trust someone you love, but that's just the nature of the beast.

We are here for you. Anytime you need or want help, support, or advice, come and lean on us. Even if you just need to vent, you can do that here. In the meantime, I'm sending you tons of love, light, and hope. Please, please, please take good care of yourself. And remember: YOUR life matters, too. If you are unhappy, it's always okay to move on. YOUR happiness should always be at the very top of your priority list.

I'm proud of you for deciding to choose YOU, @Ashley456. You always have to be at the very top of your priority list. Being with someone who makes you crazy isn't something you deserve. So kudos to you for saving to get out on your own.

You will find the happiness you deserve one day. I know you will. Just remember: YOUR life matters the most! Practicing self-care is NOT being selfish!

I'm sending you more love, light, and hope. And a virtual hug. Because I know you deserve it.

One more thing, @Ashley456... Have you ever attended Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? They are incredibly helpful and comforting for people who have loved ones struggling with addiction. And the one thing they teach us about a loved one's addiction that you should always remember is:

"You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it."

Those words are so true.