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Needing an addicts perspective

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by lynzyh28, May 10, 2015.

  1. lynzyh28

    lynzyh28 Active Contributor

    My now exfiance has been smoking crack for about 12 years. We have been together for 6 of those. I have watched him struggle to get a few days clean and have watched him glide through 30 days without using. This last 30 days have been hell, other than the few (6) days I let him in the house to sleep and the 3 days in which I 302 him he has been going hard. I see him falling apart, losing weight, not even caring. I left him and I'm done running to his rescue (trying to be anyway). This morning he said he wanted to be done, wanted to go to rehab, even called and spoke to my oldest daughter to tell her he loves her and he's ready to give the streets up. He came to the hospital to visit me and his actions and the way he's talking is nothing like the way he takes this morning. I was trying to give him the ultimatums that if he keeps running with his crack friends and getting high he will lose m me forever. I got meet with nothing but anger and opposition.
    I guess what I want to know, from an addict is how this is possible? How can you hate the drug but love it at the same time. How can you know that your losing the woman your on love with, your kids, your job but not want to do what you need to do to stop. Please, I really want to understand.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @lynzyh28... Welcome to the forum. I'm hoping an addict can chime in and answer your questions. As the father of a son in long-term recovery, I know all too well about this love-hate relationship addicts have with drugs. You have to understand, though, that addiction is a brain disease. A user's brain keeps begging for that high, because it gets pleasure from it. And the addict, even though he/she may hate the drug and what it's doing to them, can be a prisoner to the messages they receive from their brain. This is the primary reason why addicts can't "just stop."

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Leaving your boyfriend was probably the best thing to do for YOU, at least until he gets clean. If he doesn't get clean, your life is probably better off if you're not involved with him. As painful as the separation may be, please remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. Put yourself and your children ahead of anyone else.

    Peace and hugs.
  3. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    The thing is, crack is a powerful substance. It gets you in it's grip and rarely lets go. deanokat is right in that it "addles the brain" and it does indeed imprison people. That's why he still uses, even though he knows he's on the verge of losing you and the kids.

    You mustn't feel guilt about leaving though. Your first priority is your children and maybe you simply have to do this in order to provide a more settled life for them.