My now exfiance has been smoking crack for about 12 years. We have been together for 6 of those. I have watched him struggle to get a few days clean and have watched him glide through 30 days without using. This last 30 days have been hell, other than the few (6) days I let him in the house to sleep and the 3 days in which I 302 him he has been going hard. I see him falling apart, losing weight, not even caring. I left him and I'm done running to his rescue (trying to be anyway). This morning he said he wanted to be done, wanted to go to rehab, even called and spoke to my oldest daughter to tell her he loves her and he's ready to give the streets up. He came to the hospital to visit me and his actions and the way he's talking is nothing like the way he takes this morning. I was trying to give him the ultimatums that if he keeps running with his crack friends and getting high he will lose m me forever. I got meet with nothing but anger and opposition. I guess what I want to know, from an addict is how this is possible? How can you hate the drug but love it at the same time. How can you know that your losing the woman your on love with, your kids, your job but not want to do what you need to do to stop. Please, I really want to understand.