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Negative people, how to deal with them?

Discussion in 'Sobriety Tips and Inspiration' started by 003, May 1, 2015.

  1. 003

    003 Community Champion

    There are people who instead to support you, pull you down. Some of them might even be your family. They are the people who you would want to just go away from, but you just can't. How to deal with them? I really hate my sister, because she always thinks negatively specially about me. She really has a bad attitude. But I just can't get away from her now, because I don't have money yet to move out.
    karmaskeeper likes this.
  2. kana_marie

    kana_marie Community Champion

    I let it go in one ear and out the other. It's all you can do, sometimes. I've been known to get fed up and snap at them. But nothing good ever comes from that.
  3. AFKATafcar

    AFKATafcar Community Champion

    It's really something that you either have to leave behind, or you have to deal with it while there. It can get annoying and difficult, but you should do your best to ignore the negative people in your life. Sometimes a change of scenery might work out well if you have the resources to move somewhere else, but that's often not the case for the average person.
  4. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I think the negativity isn't a one-sided thing. You yourself have negative emotions towards your sister, otherwise you won't feel the need to get away. You have to think better of her and earn your keep. Perhaps that's why she's irritable. She wants you to be financially independent. Assuage her for the time being and prove to her that you're not what she makes you out to be.
  5. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Have you tried talking to her and let her know what you're feeling? If she isn't supporting your sobriety then she is part of the problem. Talk to her and see where that leads to. Be calm and collective. If she isn't having it, then eventually you will have to move out.
  6. adfnio

    adfnio Community Champion

    That must be rough. My family is the opposite. I can only hope that she can some around and be suppoortive and not combative. Try talking to her and see if she will come around.
  7. Rainman

    Rainman Community Champion

    There are always two ways to deal with something you can't change. Either you move away [and you say that's out of question at the present] or you change how you think about her. That would be the better way to deal with your sister. I know words can hurt but you can lessen intensity of the pain they cause you if you no longer care about what she says.

    You could also try the silent treatment and see how well it works.
    NanouHammie likes this.
  8. kana_marie

    kana_marie Community Champion

    I really hope you two can get past y'all's differences. Family is family and people should hold on to it with their lives
    NanouHammie likes this.
  9. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    I do not mind those people as much as possible. If a family member, better not to have contact or avoid them as much as possible. Better to be surrounded with people who care and believe in you.
  10. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Well, it's easy to ignore people but when we're talking about family things are little bit more complex than that. You cannot simply disown your sister. She is a blood relative. You'll always have some sort of a connection with her no matter where you are and how bad your relationship is. As I said, negativity should be given the cold shoulder but for better or worse, your ties with your sister shouldn't be severed. I hope you'll be able to find the path to reconciliation.
  11. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    Probably it is just a case of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Both of you should sit down and have a deep conversation regarding this issue. She is your sister in the first place, you cannot hate her forever.
    NanouHammie likes this.
  12. ZXD22

    ZXD22 Senior Contributor

    Pay them no attention what so ever. Usually its those negative people who are jealous of you or something that they don't have. They are just trying you bring you down to their level.
    NanouHammie likes this.
  13. NanouHammie

    NanouHammie Member

    If you want to develop self-love, the best way you can do it is by blocking the negative people who make you feel bad out of your life. It sounds harsh but it can really leave you in a better mind frame years later. It helped me a lot.
  14. grandmaof4

    grandmaof4 Member

    Every time your sister starts throwing negative comments your way. Start thinking positive thoughts about her like wishing her prosperity, health, love, joy, etc... Try to do this as much as possible and see if that helps. When you do not like some one or something try to think positive thoughts and just repeat that in your mind.
  15. Damien Lee

    Damien Lee Community Champion

    Since your sister is family, it's best you find a workable solution. Sit down and talk to her, share the problems you have with each other and try to figure out a way for you two to get along. Life is short, there's no point in feeling animosity for each other. You're going to find that there are negative folks all around, you can't always move away from them.
  16. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    Sometimes opening up really is the best thing to do. I think a lot of the time people aren't even aware of the fact that they're coming across in a negative manner. If you opened up and said I really need your support with this and I can't have anyone around me who is going to belittle my efforts or shoot them down, I think that would be a good starting point. Then that way if they continued on with the negative behavior and then you decided not to be around them, they really can't say they weren't warned, you know?
    NanouHammie likes this.
  17. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I try to avoid people who harsh my mellow. If it is unavoidable, I have mastered the ability to laugh them off or smile and nod them off. I turn off when I feel the negativity and lose myself in myself with a straight face.
  18. E.Mil

    E.Mil Community Champion

    The way I deal with negative people is too ignore them for a moment or cut them out of my life. When it's family I have to ignore them for awhile and stay to myself but if it's people who I don't really care for it's easier to for me to just cut them out of my life.
  19. CallipygianGamine

    CallipygianGamine Community Champion

    In most cases, ignoring/avoiding is the ideal solution, but it’s tough when it’s family. Trying to address the issue is probably the best course of action. That’s not to say it’s easy. You have to tread carefully, and even if you try to state your concerns in the least confrontational way possible, you run the risk that they won’t listen and they’ll refuse to change. That’s happened to me. But at least you can say you tried, and in a way, it gives you a good reason to ignore or avoid their negative behavior.
  20. sunflogun

    sunflogun Community Champion

    That is true, if it's family and we need to meet them to be honest I feel that the solution is missing those family gatherings at least when we feel more fragile, no need to endure that.