@addictsmom... If you don't mind me asking, how old is your son?
Without knowing the specifics about your situation, one thing I notice is that your son went to rehab and then came home. With my son, who was addicted to heroin, I found that coming home right after rehab was a bad thing for him. It put him back in familiar surroundings and he soon fell back into bad habits. What worked for him was going to residential treatment and then moving into a sober living house immediately afterwards. The sober living house allowed him to better transition from rehab to "normal society." The structure, responsibility, and community that comes with sober living are the keys, in my opinion. My son spent a total of 15 months in sober living after his last rehab stay. I believe it was one of the biggest factors in his
staying clean.
It's good that you're giving your son some positive reinforcement and not giving him money. But maybe setting some boundaries for him would be the best thing. Given that he's an adult who is living with you in your home, you have every right to tell him he can't use drugs if he wants to continue living with you. If it's your house, you hold all the cards. Although it may be difficult to do, telling him that he has to quit using--either on his own or via treatment--or move out of your house is an option open to you. My wife and I struggled with doing this with our own son, but when we finally did, things started to change for the better...for all of us.
You have to remember that YOU are the most important person in your life. You deserve to live a happy, enjoyable life and not be overwhelmed by what's going on with your son. Your happiness shouldn't be dependent on how your son's addiction is going. So I would suggest you stop enabling--which you are doing by allowing your son to live with you while he's actively using drugs--and start practicing self-care. There's an old saying that's frequently used in conjunction with addiction: If nothing changes, nothing changes. From my own experience, I can tell you that your son probably has no desire to change because he's got it made. A free place to stay (assuming he's not paying rent), and he's able to keep using drugs. Why would he want to change?
I'm sorry if anything I've said sounds harsh. That's not my intent. But my wife and I struggled in a similar situation for several years before we finally decided to start living OUR lives...and not our son's. We had become addicted to his addiction, and it was ruining us. And that just wasn't fair.
Feel free to reach out to me, either via the forums or through a direct message. I'm a parent who has been in your shoes, and found my way back to sanity. You can do it, too, if you're willing to do what you have to.
Sending you peace and hugs. Thanks for sharing with us.
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