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No custody of teenager who's using meth....what can I do?

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Child' started by ktdid, Jan 4, 2016.

  1. ktdid

    ktdid Member

    My 17 year old daughter admitted she's using speed. I'm am ex user, so I already had plenty of suspicions. She lives with her dad, I have no custody. He recreationally uses, and would probably not believe me even if I told him. I do not expect any support from him or anyone from that side of her family, most of them use something, from grandma the nurse who shoots pain pills, to uncle who does speed and pills, to dad who smokes weed, drinks, and gets high sometimes. I cannot afford to pursue custody at this time. I'm considering putting a tracker in her car, finding where she's getting it, them reporting all of them to the cops. Better a juvie record than a prison record, right? Help! I need suggestions!
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ktdid... Welcome to the community and thanks for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter. It sounds like you're in a tough spot because of the fact that she lives with her father, who is a user. I think my first suggestion, even though you don't think it would help, would be to talk to her father about this. While it's possible he may not believe or listen to you, I think there's a chance that the news might hit him in such a way that he wants to help. Even if it doesn't, I think it's definitely worth a try.

    If her dad doesn't want to help, then you can move on to other options. But I would talk to her dad first.

    We're here to help and support you however we can. Always remember that.
    MrsJones likes this.
  3. LoveEcho

    LoveEcho Community Champion

    I'm sorry you're having this issue. But, what you said is true about the juvenile record... unlesa they charge her as an adult. But, better she be stopped now than when she's hardcore addiction. Which, will probably be soon with meth. All I can say is do what you think is best as a mother.
  4. darkrebelchild

    darkrebelchild Community Champion

    I agree with @ktdid you should track her and get evidence first. Her father's family may not understand or see anything wrong with your daughter's actions but the authorities do and you care for her. Your actions may have repercussions in the future and your daughter may hate you for it.
    If she listens to you, I think you should keep talking to her and pressurizing her to quit.
  5. Momma9

    Momma9 Community Champion

    My heart breaks for you and your daughter! The juvenile system doesn't usually mess with anyone over 16. I agree with LoveEcho that she would likely be charged as an adult.

    I went through this with my daughter and I had custody. At 15 I sent her to in-house rehab. She is now 24 and in prison for the 3rd time. Until they make the decision to clean up their life there is not much you can do.

    Definitely talk to her father. The worst he could do is nothing and he just might be able to help. If she is in school you might be able to get help there. Hugs to you and let us know if you find anything that works!
    MrsJones likes this.
  6. mistermiranda

    mistermiranda Member

    @ktdid : I like @deanokat 's suggestion of talking to her father first, to see if he will agree that your daughter's well being is at risk. Buy-in from him would be crucial in her recovery, and maybe you can save two people in the process!

    If he is reluctant to talk, at some point, I would consider talking to child protection services or a similar agency in your town. And sooner rather than later is better, as they can't intervene when she's 18.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yes, I think talking to the father would be the first step. If he doesnt see a problem you may want to go beyond to see what you can do. It is very important to find out what is going on here, so you know what steps to take. This seems like something you two need to get together on and do the best thing for your daughter.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. MrsJones

    MrsJones Community Listener Community Listener

    @ktdid, how is the situation with your daughter? How has she been? And how are you doing? Have you decided to speak to the father?

    Let's us know.
    deanokat and Momma9 like this.
  9. I would definitely sit with your daughter and have a long heart-to-heart talk about this entire situation. You said that you're an ex-user. I would definitely bring that up to your daughter and let her know about some of the horror stories (God knows, we all have them) that come with addiction. Try to make it clear to her that even though it seems fun now, things can definitely get a bit hairy at the drop of a hat. She may take it better than you think and may even let you know that she needs your help. Absolutely talk to the father about this entire situation. He may have noticed some odd behavior and just hasn't wanted to confront his teenage daughter about the situation as he may have chalked it up to teenage girls being a bit crazy. Between the two of you, you may be able to come up with a solution. If all of this fails, it's most definitely time to go vigilante and plant a tracker on her to make sure that you have solid proof before going ahead with your plan. There are several apps made for tracking but, unfortunately, this will require her to know that you're putting them on there and you'll need her consent. Of course, if she doesn't have anything to hide, she won't mind the app being installed. Good luck and please keep us updated!
  10. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ktdid... How are things with your daughter? How are you doing? If you get a chance, let us know. We're here for you. Just want you to know that.