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Not coping well

Discussion in 'Cocaine' started by Brokengirl, Mar 14, 2017.

  1. Brokengirl

    Brokengirl Member

    I've been using heavily for the last three weekends. I'd like to say it's because of being my parents carer who both have dementia. But I think maybe that's just an excuse to use or is it because life is really hard at the moment? I need to get clean again even it's just a few weeks. I just can't seem to find the strength to stop. This weekend I spent over £300 !! Please tell me how to get back on track any and all advice is welcome. And thanks again for being a safe haven for me to come to.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Brokengirl... I'm sorry you've been struggling, my dear. It could be because of the stress you're under as the caregiver for your parents. I am very familiar with what it's like when parents start to lose their faculties. It's a very difficult thing to watch, and I'm sure it's even more so for you since you care for them. When life is hard, we oftentimes want to escape, and mind-altering substances provide a way of doing that.

    My best advice to you would be to try and find other ways to cope with the stress and difficulties that life throws at you. I know that's easier said than done, but if you work at it you can do it. When I quit drinking and encountered a tough life situation, I used physical exercise as my relief. I'm not talking about any incredibly strenuous exercise; just walking for a few blocks was enough to help clear my head and feel better without using.

    I've also used meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises. One breathing exercise in particular that really helps me calm down and relax when I'm feeling stressed is one called "4-7-8." Here's a link that shows you how to do it:

    You may also want to consider looking for a support group for people who are dealing with aging parents. There's got to be one out there. And maybe an NA or AA support group would be helpful for you, too. Or SMART Recovery if you're not into the 12-step thing. I think the important thing is to find support that you can count on when you're feeling tempted to use. (Of course, you can use this site, too. We are more than happy to help you however we can.)

    Lastly, perhaps counseling would be a good thing. A lot of times a good therapist can help you discover and confront the root causes of your addiction. That can make quitting easier.

    I hope something I said helps. You are not alone, my friend. Always remember that. And even if you're using, that doesn't make you a bad person. Addiction is a disease, not some kind of moral failing.

    Please keep trying to quit, or at least cut down. If you mix willingness and hope enough times, I believe you will find the strength to stop.

    Sending you lots of hugs, hope, encouragement, and clean and sober vibes.

    Oh, one more thing... Here's a video I made not too long ago. I think the message will be good for you to hear.

    Liola likes this.
  3. pierre87

    pierre87 Member

    Hi broken girl. I completely know how you feel. I often use outside influences as an excuse to do cocaine and i am having a really hard time with it at the moment. I can't really give you advice but i want you to know your not the only one in this boat, there are lots of people to help you. Stay positive, i know its hard because I'm finding it hard right now. I have also spent hundreds this week....and its only fucking Tuesday. Anyway, write back to a fellow user, maybe talking will help, i don't know where else to turn. stay strong, peace. Pierre.
    Brokengirl and deanokat like this.
  4. Paulita

    Paulita Member

    I'm with you and broke girl. I've been using coke now twice a week for about 7 years. I'm so at the end of my rope.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    When you say "at the end of my rope"may I ask what exactly you mean by that?I am not trying to be a smartass as I have said that exact thing before myself and when I said it I was thinking I was very soon going to die,I pray that is not what you mean.Today when I see those word's from someone who is new to reaching out I think to myself,no you were close to it before reaching out but since you are now reaching out I like to think your rope is much longer kind of like a lifeline because you are no longer in this fight alone,we are here with you,for you,and beside you.The more you share the more you can receive and the more you receive and share the stronger you get and the weaker the addiction becomes. I didn't think that way for far to long and then I just started typing here and today I am more alive than I have been in many year's because I can share my problems and there is always someone there to pick me up in one way or another,the compassion here is amazing, the people genuine,the love they have is real and it helps little by little.I pray you find time to share here like it's second nature,I have lol I'm kind of a permanent fixture here many up's and down's but either way there is always someone here for me,they even check up on us if they don't here from us in awhile. I believe healing takes time and work and this place has both the compassion and time for both.I can honestly say I love several people on this site like they are family and I am technically all by myself since my wife and kid's really don't have anything to do with me anymore, I tried,I failed,they moved on but that's another story. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
  6. Paulita

    Paulita Member

    Thank you True Concern.
    I have been reading a lot of your archived posts. You are an inspiration and I appreciate and respect your ideas and concerns.
    I am not going to off myself. My rope has a frayed knot at the end where my teeth have been hanging on for years. I will pull myself up and for the first time in a long time really ready to seek help. This helps. I am just fed up hurting myself. I feel like crap(again) look like crap(again) and know I must be so obvious to all who care. My BS must read to high heaven. I so sick of myself that I'm angry. Not sad or frustrated just livid with my own self. I think that is a good place to be. I'm fixing this problem. This is not how I want to be.
    Thank you again for reaching out. I am excited to be starting this journey and I will be learning on all of you during my recovery. I AM NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS NONSENSE ANYMORE! Hear me friends and hold me to it.
    deanokat, Dominica and True concern like this.
  7. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    @Paulita I am happy to hear you are ready to turn thing's around in you're life, I understand that anger you feel towards yourself,it is a feeling I have felt many many time's, Yes to change I do believe we must feel that anger it let's us know deep within our heart and soul that we do not accept the current situation, it opens our eye's to what we have both done and caused and if and when we harness that anger correctly it supplies the strength and will to do whatever it takes to change it.I know you feel like crap (again) but don't let that feeling mislead you,it will fade as you expand your effort to change you're life.As for that feeling of yours where you say "I look like crap (again)I personally disagree with what I think you are saying,maybe you look unhealthy, perhaps you have lost to much weight or maybe your face is broken out with acne or something, I don't know if that's what you mean but if it is or if it's close to what you mean fear not you will once again be a healthy looking person, I do not think you look like crap at all,in fact from what I've seen through you're word's is you are a very beautiful soul indeed.We must improve our perception of ourselves before we can expect other's to see us in the same way and since I see beauty I am confident you are in fact making a true honest effort of changing you're own perception. I am very proud of you and I believe in you and I look forward to hearing more about you. Take Care My Friend We Are Here For You. STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. Paulita

    Paulita Member

    Thanks man. Funny how many steps I take forward the devil is working his mischief.
    Called my insurance for a referral and they told me that they are switching carriers at the first of the year. So they can only help me for another three days. I am going on a trip from the 4th to the 8th and when I get back that's when I want to start. So I guess I'll call next week again and find out who I can use.
    Oh I'll call alright. I'm not playing these games demon.
    Thank you for lifting me up and giving me confidence. I need it. One possibly embarrassing end of year extravaganza, then off to an amazing year of hope and possibilies.
    Feels good declaring this so openly and aloud instead of reading it in an old journal. Accountability is what I need. Hound me. Keep me safe. You all are my inspiration and aspiration.
    Can't thank you enough gracious soul.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Forgive me for being nosey here but why is your insurance changing?I was kind of under the impression that government employees had a much better more reliable and stable form of insurance. Either way I'm happy you are going to contact them for assistance after your trip.I hope and pray your trip is safe and relaxing,hopefully it can help you clear your mind a bit and take away a bit of the pressure. I personally will never hound you but I will respectfully check in on you,it is not who I am anymore to be pushy and demanding I simply want to know you're life is moving in a positive direction. Accountability is something else I have learned we must be pro active about,I believe we must hold ourselves to that level and of course we can share with other's what we expect from ourselves and in that way we can sort of let you know if maybe your vision gets blurred,that's about the best I can do because it is not my place to judge anyone and I choose to try and inspire and encourage but being as I struggle myself here and there I am definitely not always the person for that either but I try only because I care and not because I think I can fix or change anyone. Stay safe,Stay Strong and you can be who you want to be.Have a blessed evening @Paulita
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  10. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Paulita good morning! glad you are feeling more optimistic about the New Year...and YOU.

    you ARE a good soul... :)

    come here anytime you want and yes, we would love to encourage you and you can use us for accountability. we believe in you....and remember, change is a zig-zagging line...with some ups and downs.... aim for progress; not perfection.

    deanokat and True concern like this.
  11. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Paulita... I hear you! And I'm so proud of you for wanting to turn your life around! We are here to help, support, and listen. You are NOT alone! Please lean on us anytime you need to, my friend.

    Glad you found us and reached out.
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  12. Paulita

    Paulita Member

    My insurance is pretty great. My main insurance stays the same but we are moving preventative care (chiro, acupuncture, substance abuse, etc.) From one carrier to another.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  13. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    this is good news!
  14. Paulita

    Paulita Member

    Hi all. Just want to check in that I have a cold and feel terrible but I will not be tempted today. Thank God.
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    @Paulita i'm glad you checked in! so sorry you're not feeling well. be healed soon!! also glad you will not be tempted! stay strong... :) hope your day is good!
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you feeling today, @Paulita? I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of healing energy. Stay on the right path, my friend!
    True concern likes this.