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Not sure what to do right now...

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by jeana77, Jan 7, 2021.

  1. jeana77

    jeana77 Member

    My husband and I (both in our 40's now) met June of 2014 at a homeless shelter. We were both addicts at the time, but different choice of drugs. My husband had been an addict most of his life- mainly meth and serious alcoholic, but also crack and others occasionally. I had been addicted to crack for about 3 years when we met. Within about a week and a half, we decided to get clean and change our lives. We moved across the country the end of June with absolutely nothing (yes, 3 weeks after meeting). We built our lives back up- very slowly. We both had to get our licenses back, get jobs, find a place to live, work on our relationship with our children and family, everything. A handful of times during the first couple years he would stay out most or all of the night drinking while I was worried sick at home. My husband had one drug relapse in 2016, a week before our wedding. (I didn't know at the time) he had checked himself into a hotel and used all night. He wouldn't answer calls or texts and finally showed up at 11am the next morning- only to sleep off the effects. I managed to not use and try to be supportive even though I was really angry. He felt bad and really tried after that. Then in 2019 I came home from work one Friday afternoon and knew instantly he has been using that day. He is very obvious when using drugs because he gets very paranoid and acts completely different. This time I was angry and hurt. I made a very bad decision. I told myself, if he's using, so will I. I will show him! We used Friday night and Saturday. Then things got very very bad. He got so paranoid, he was afraid for his life (saying people were on the roof and in trees with sniper rifles to take him out) and I thought he was going to have a heart attack. I had no choice but to call an ambulance. I tried several times to take him myself, but he was too afraid to go outside. The police had to convince him to get in the ambulance and the hospital had to keep him sedated in the ICU for 5 days because of the hallucinations and delusions. I stayed in the hospital round the clock with him. He still to this day is upset with me for calling 911. His drinking got better, we were able to buy a house, no drugs, and we were actually mending things with our children and family. Fast forward to past few weeks... he has started driving drunk. He had one DUI in 2016 where he passed out behind the wheel and totaled our new vehicle, thank god noone else was hurt or killed! He told me then he would NEVER do it again. Well last Friday I caught him about to leave the house in his truck (Completely drunk) with our adult nephew in the truck- just to go to store for a $3 item when I was home and completely sober. I stormed outside and made him come inside. I then had to hide all the car keys to ensure it didn't happen. He was so drunk he doesn't even remember that day. I hate to say it, but I took it so much more serious when I saw our nephew in the truck with him. I know thats wrong because it is never okay, but this just made a realization in my head. I sat him down once he was clear headed the next day and explained my concern- he apologized to us both and I thought I got through. Now it is less than a week later, and he didn't come home until almost 3am this morning. He started drinking with an old coworker at 3:30 in the afternoon, called me at 5pm saying where he was and he would be home soon. Then he didn't answer calls or texts until 11:30pm. He confirmed my suspicions that he was using drugs with this guy and I lost it. He apparently decided to come home at 3am, I pretended to be sleeping. I got up this morning, went to work, and now have to wait to see what happens when I get home. I have so much anxiety already- these situations make me soo much worse and unable to sleep or function worrying so much. What can I say to him to get through to him? I am not willing to lose everything we worked so hard to get because he wants to backslide. Everyone gets stressed out, but that doesn't mean he can go do whatever he wants. PLEASE, any advice is greatly appreciated! I love him so much, but also don't want to live this way. Keep in mind that he also accuses me of cheating almost all the time. So I have that to deal with too. Apparently he was this way with all his exes in the past. We did talk to our doctor about possible schizophrenia, but they assured us this is not that.
  2. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

  3. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I don’t give advice, what I do is share my 50+ years of experience with addicts. Al-Anon and CODA helped me stop enabling addicted family members, i.e. fix, solve, or make the addicts consequences go away. When I did this, their addicted behavior got worse, because they were not holding themselves responsible. I contributed to their addiction. Al-Anon taught me to release with love and take care of myself ONLY.

    As Tina Turner song goes, “what's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second-hand emotion? What's love got to do, got to do with it? Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2021
    jeana77 likes this.