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Now it's my daughter's turn

Discussion in 'Ecstasy / MDMA' started by rubydust, Feb 13, 2015.

  1. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    There must be some divine intervention involved here, because I only discovered this forum yesterday and only hours later I discovered my daughter taking ecstasy.

    Despite my own experience of drugs from a young age, my perspective as a parent is that I am currently still in shock and disbelief. She's 14 years old.

    I knew she already smoked a bit of weed. I don't condone it at her age, but I knew. I even rationalised it to myself as I'd rather she did that than abuse alcohol.

    But the ecstasy, I don't know what to do about it. I haven't seen her yet since I found out, and she isn't aware yet that I know she's taken it. So I'm struggling with how I will react when I see her, and how I can talk to her without letting myself lose my cool. How do I nip this in the bud? I can't bare the thought of her going down that road, especially at her age right now.
  2. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    Well I'm ashamed to confess that I really lost my cool. I tried so hard to stay calm about it, I wanted to sit her down and talk, but her attitude made me snap. We ended up shouting at each other, which got us nowhere. I left her alone to cool off, so will try again today to approach the situation more gently. Still don't know what I can say to persuade her to never do it again, maybe I would be best just to sit quietly and listen. I wish parenting came with an instruction manual!
  3. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    As a mother,you have every right to feel concerned with the current state of affairs. No parent would wish for her child to get into drugs,synthetic drugs at that. Right now you have the difficult task of giving her the appropriate advice in a manner that wont make the situation go from bad to worse. And if things come to a gridlock, i would suggest you enroll the services of a counselor to talk her through it.
  4. KNH

    KNH Active Contributor

    I'm so sorry to hear that your daughter is getting herself into this! A parenting manual would be lovely but unfortunately could never be made since so many things are just unknown :mad:
    Honestly, your daughter probably doesn't want to talk to you at all about it. I feel she is going to need someone else to talk to, like an adult friend or a counselor. If you talk to her and lecture her about it, she is only going to get more angry and rebellious.
  5. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    Thanks you both for replying. This afternoon she came to me calmly and apologised. We managed to talk things through and I think it went okay. She said she just wanted to see what it was like, and insists she won't do it again. I really hope with all my heart that she means it.

    We spoke about friendships too, and about 'good' friends and 'bad' friends to be around. I really tried to encourage her to avoid that particular group and spend more time with her other friends who don't take drugs.

    I looked into drugs counselling and found somewhere nearby. If she takes ecstasy or anything like that even once more, I will definitely take her along to talk to someone.

    It's such a stressful time having teenagers!
  6. kjonesm1

    kjonesm1 Community Champion

    I am so sorry you are dealing with this right now. I dread the day I find out one of my children is using. I haven't had to deal with this yet, so all I can do is pray for you and your daughter. Good luck.
    rubydust likes this.
  7. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    Thank you, that's very kind. I have been praying too. I hope she doesn't get involved any more deeply, it would break my heart.
    I feel like a hypocrite, because I have been involved with plenty of drugs in my own life. But when it comes to your children, you want so much better for them.
    I have been considering confessing to her about my own previous experiences. On the one hand, I feel it might give me more credibility in her eyes, when I am explaining the pitfalls to her. But on the other hand, I fear she might think, "well you did it, and you're doing okay, so why shouldn't I?"
  8. RingoBerry

    RingoBerry Senior Contributor

    I don't think you should look at what's happening to your daughter as some sort of divine intervention. The best person to educate your daughter about substance usage is you. She is lucky to be honest that she won't have to rely on a stranger for help. Use your experience as an example of something she should never follow. Its just my opinion.
  9. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    It must have been hard for you, seeing your past in your daughter's present. To put an end to your daughter's habits, you have to stop being a permissive parent and start being an authoritative one. Teens are mostly rebellious and hormones have something to do with it. Quell your daughter's act of "rebellion" and "angsty" behavior by imposing sanctions. I know it seems like it's easier said than done but if you know where you stand as her mother, you should do every means to make her see reason.
  10. Janie

    Janie Active Contributor

    My opinion would be to try and help her of course but not tell her you yourself were involved with drugs. Children that age are just too young to comprehend the big picture and as you said, she probably would have the view, well you did it too...

    Really I'm not sure what I would do but I don't think blowing your cool is particularly a bad thing. It is something totally worth blowing your cool over and shows your daughter the extent to which you think what she did was a crazy thing. I think at that age, a crazy irate parent learning about something like that is how any straight laced parent would react. Now I wouldn't continue with that attitude though, because it could alienate her.

    Possibly one thing to try is to start praising her and telling her she is too smart for things like that, she has a bright future ahead of her, you believe in her potential and all that lies ahead for her, and how drugs could take her down a different path... she may find the path fun now but the final destination may be somewhere she doesn't want to be... stuff like that.
  11. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    That's a good point. At least I found out about what she had done, and am able to try to do something.

    This is what I'm aiming for just now. I've grounded her - she leaves the house to go to school, and that's it. I honestly don't know how effective it will be, but I don't know what else to do right now.

    Thanks for the reassurance. I tried to stay calm but I flipped. It's what my parents would have done to me, so I guess it's a pre-programmed reaction in me. Unfortunately she is in a vile mood at the moment, so any further discussion has been difficult. I think you're right, she may be a bit young to understand the big picture, as you say. If she was an older teenager or an adult, maybe things would be different.

    Can I just say - thank you to everyone for your input. I haven't been able to bring myself to confide in anyone I know about this. Family members can be very judgemental. It really helps to talk it through. This sounds terrible and so ironic, but the shock of discovering my daughter doing drugs made me want to turn to weed to calm my nerves (!). I didn't.
  12. TripleD123

    TripleD123 Community Champion

    In my opinion at that young of an age you cannot accept the marijuana use at all. When she is old enough and on her own if she wants to use then fine, its off of your shoulders and your heart. The party girl life style that comes with being a stoner is what led her to the ecstasy. If a child is willing to try one thing they will try anything.

    Sometimes grounding will not work and will push her farther away from you. You have to redirect her and keep her busy. Get her involved in activities that are a form of punishment but would encourage growth and maybe a new set of friends. I know when I was her age my mom was not around and didn't make sure I was being a good kid. I had a lot of time on my hands which is what got me into trouble.

    Best of luck to you and your daughter. This is not going to be easy, but will be worth it.
  13. rubydust

    rubydust Member

    Thanks for your reply. You're right. She needs to be doing something to keep active and busy and out of trouble. I'm always looking out for various local activities that I think she'd like, but when I suggest them to her, she's not interested.

    When she was younger, she had a variety of interests and activities outside of school. Now she just doesn't seem interested in anything. I would love for her to get into something new, and make some new friends. Friends who don't take drugs.

    She's definitely going down the wrong road. It's hard to watch and I worry so much. I try to talk to her, but she doesn't ever want to listen. I have a feeling that these next few years are going to be a hard slog. I'll never give up on her though.