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Obsessive Thoughts

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by lonewolves, Jul 3, 2018.

  1. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    For those that struggle with obsessive thoughts, what do you about it? Whether negative or positive, how do you handle the situation?
    When I was growing up, I thought I had slight OCD (obsessive compulsion disorder), but I never got help for it, and as I grew up I outgrew a lot of my compulsions. Recently my doctor told me that he thinks I might still struggle from it, so I’ve been trying to work on it now for the first time in my life.

    [side note, here’s a definition from google: Obsessions are intrusive and unwanted thoughts, images, or urge that cause distress or anxiety. Compulsions are behaviors that the person feels compelled to perform in order to ease their distress or anxiety or suppress the thoughts.]

    So anyways, this got me thinking how much my addiction and OCD might be connected. I can’t seem to find a reason for why I smoke weed except for the fact that it stops this little wheel in my head that spins and disrupts my thoughts. It’s like there is a broken record player in my head that repeats “smoke or something bad might happen. smoke or something bad might happen. smoke or something bad might happen.” And don’t even get me started on my thoughts when there are benzos in the house.

    I always saw my addictions as separate issues, but now it’s like they have come into a whole new light and I’m able to understand them just a little bit more, and that’s wonderful for me.

    I think I really need to try and get back into daily yoga and meditation again. It’s hell at first, I hate being alone with my thoughts, but I only grow from being uncomfortable, and I don’t want to be like this forever (and I also don’t want to revert back to self medicating with drugs and alcohol) so the only way for me to go now, is forward.
  2. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    Yes, I struggle with them all the time.
    When I was younger 7 mabey 8 years old or so, they were very strong compulsions. And I had to act on them or else it drove me crazy. I ended up going to counseling at school because of this. My mind has always had a strong hold on me, especially the thoughts in my mind that I don't want there. Its like me telling myself to not think of green things. Well if I do that the more I think about the grass and trees. My mind is a very powerful thing in me, therefore whatever My mind decides it wants or needs or likes is almost overwhelming at moments. I think this is one reason I have such van addictive personnality. And everything that I became addicted to has almost killed me before I decided enough was enough.
    I remember when I smoked weed all day eveveryday. It wasn't like I would not roll a joint and start vomiting in a few hours. But I got so horribly anxious if I didn't have one rolled and ready that I was consumed with the thought until I rolled it. I didn't even have to smoke it, so I know how you feel there and yes I do know exactly how you feel about the benzos too.
    I have learned this though, as strong willed and determined as I am to do those bad things, if I make up my mind to not do them I can apply some amazing will power to that. Will power only someone in recovery could understand. So try not to be obsessed with the problem. Your an addict you are going to obsess. Let your obsessions be on the cure. Never get that thought out of your head that for today or this hour you wont smoke or pop a pill.
    Keep thinking like that and I promise those thoughts will get boring and you'll think on other things. But this only works if your totally obsessed with it. I know, sounds wierd, like a contradictory statement but it works!
    Dominica, deanokat and lonewolves like this.
  3. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    This is an interesting topic for me, because my oldest son--who struggles with addiction and severe depression/anxiety--has obsessive thoughts. Thanks for bringing the subject up, @lonewolves. And thanks for your insight, @Josh111187. Good stuff!
    lonewolves likes this.
  4. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Well sh×t according to Google im supprissed my picture isn't next to it's definition of OCD lol i'm pretty sure i meet the critera with every thought or action and man it's hard to type this while i run in this circle lol.

    Side note:Today alone i've noticed two thing's about you i have never noticed before.
    1st you acknowledged "God" maybe stopping my running and enlistment for a reason
    2nd you said the only thing you can do is go "Forward" Both of these thing's made me happy because it shows me you are absolutely making progress and i am so proud of you and happy for you.I'm wondering how many more hour's i'm going to be awake before I knock out.I have been awake since around 4 a.m. monday morning which is a long time even for me but now im being "stubborn"and trying to see how long i can stay awake.I don't know why other than why not...or something like that
    Cametobelieve0202 and Dominica like this.
  5. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Ya i had OCD really bad when i was younger as well,especially during puberty.My grandma keep telling me i was going to go blind if i didn't stop obsessing...never understood what she meant by that
    deanokat likes this.
  6. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i hope you are sleeping :)
    deanokat likes this.
  7. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @lonewolves i have to deal with obsessive thinking... it comes in cycles. i can better spot it now when it gets real bad...i don't medicate it...though at times i think about it..

    for me, my spiritual practice is my saving grace... some meditation... (not as consistent as it should be)... daily exercise of some sort... and i listen to a few spiritual mentors so i can keep my mind from going insane (kidding, well, maybe)

    still, sometimes it's still a struggle. guided meditation is helpful. for me, drumming, spiritual music, and sometimes just allowing me to watch a movie or show.... b/c i can get obsessive about "learning"... if that makes sense...

    a work in progress and i hope you can find your path... :)
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  8. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Not yet..i'm trying to slow my mind but haven't been able to as of yet
  9. True concern

    True concern Community Champion


    Awesome,you sit down and start drumming?like rock band drumming?or did i totally misunderstand that?Also I understand that getting obsessive about learning,im constantly learning about anything and everything simply because i don't know what it is...like now i'm thinking i should be drumming..sounds fun and loud so maybe i won't hear my thoughts lol.My mind is going like crazy today and now that i have this long process with my knee surgery and healing and rehab i have an issue that has been keeping me awake for nearly 2 full day's now so i have obviously put tons of thougjt into this.So i simply cannot be stuck on opiate pain pills for a year through this process,i hate opiates they've nearly killed me a few time's so i have been so depressed just thinking i have to take these damn thing's so i can walk even a little bit it's a damn worse case scenario for me so i went today and got some medical marijuana which i haven't smoked yet because it all is bothering me but my knee is killing me and i don't want another pain pill.So I got this marijuana specifically grown for pain and anxiety because I don't know what to do so i think im going to try this marijuana for my pain and anxiety and hopefully it will allow me to actually stay in bed for this bed rest without hurting and going nuts with my A.D.H.D.but it is bothering me because i feel like im letting not just myself down but also the wonderful people of this site.I don't want to feel like a hypocrite and I don't want to feel like a failure either and I want to be able to walk with a little pain ok but if i don't take something i literally can't stand and take steps or i fall....This sucks i just want to be completely sober and able to walk.Please someone,anyone,everyone give me some sort of feed back on this.Thank you and God Bless
    Dominica likes this.
  10. Josh111187

    Josh111187 Community Champion

    I don't care how bad I hurt. No more opiates for me. My medical marijuana is great for pain. So hopefully that will do the trick for you. But remember, its medical....no need to get stoned or smoke a whole joint or pack 3 bowls. Yes the more you take the better it works. But there is a stopping point. All THC users know about it. And your a vet so I know you know.
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  11. Jai50

    Jai50 Senior Contributor

    This is a funny story of my friend with OCD. Even numbers was his thing had to lock the door 2 4 or 6 times before he went to bed. Took him forever in the shower washing his body so many times. Only would use Ivery bar soap too. When we would boost we had to get 2 of the same large items ext.
    Well when he would do something to piss me off I would move all his stuff on his table that was all OCD placed, and bring him like 1 candy bar, give him one kiss good by instead of 2. It would freak him out!
    I think people with OCD are very interesting. I loved messing with him too.
    True concern and Dominica like this.
  12. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Ya man just honestly 5mg norcos for a few month's was scary enough with my knee when the surgeon said this is like a 6-9 month process i started freaking out.No way no way im taking pills for a year to well anything...so im gonna true this.i am just like blah right now though,but im alao on hour 37 without sleep so..American Dad or Family Guy and goodnight...Hopefully
    Josh111187 likes this.
  13. lonewolves

    lonewolves Senior Contributor

    True concern likes this.
  14. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    I did i got 3hours45 min last night and that is all i got after 39 hour's awake.Sleep is something that I definitely can't figure out,it sounds easy just close your eye's and poof but my brain is always going
    lonewolves likes this.
  15. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    good morning... i hope you can relax more today and maybe take a good long nap... put on some "yoga nidra"... with some headphones and train your brain and body to relax (another something you can learn about lol)

    if you want to take medical marijuana over opioids, then go for it. and don't feel bad about it. after surgery, it's highly likely you'll need something for pain, so do the lesser of two evils for you, which seems to be the mar. are you able to get the prescription for it? give yourself permission to do this and to still feel good about your sobriety. pot is an herb ;) it can be used in a way that helps...

    drumming. i laughed when i read what you wrote. i meant african drums... the djembe. but a set of drums would be fun! :)
    True concern likes this.
  16. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Yes i am in California so i did acquire the marijuana legally and specifically for the pain and anxiety as my Dr wrote out a prescription for Xanax for my A.D.H.D. and anxiety and I told her about my previous issues with addiction and she asked if I did anything to educate myself and speak of addiction so i told her about this site and she said."Good,You are not that junkie anymore"you are now a patient and you need to stay off your feet so we can fix that leg and you not sleeping and constantly pacing and running is causing you harm so take this medicine at least until we get you running again.I understand her point but all these pills scare me because they controlled me for so long and at the same time i have to have my legs to walk and run.I feel trapped,like im backed into a corner by substances that have tried to kill me so I did take a xanax the day i filled them so i could sleep and I didn't go to sleep so I waited the time she said 4 hour's if one doesn't and took a second one so a total of 2 mgs xanax in a 4 hour period and still no sleep because I couldn't stop hating myself for taking the pills basically i was fighting the sleepy feeling because I was sad i had taken the pills however had i just allowed them to work i would have probably went to sleep,anyways so yesterday I went and got the medical marijuana and took 2 hits and i think it was maybe 30 minutes and I was a sleep.I didn't quite get4 hour's and as soon as i woke up i checked the site and saw @loser had posted and I sat up and started typing as i have waited month's to hear from him and now here i am giving a very step by step detailed explanation for my actions because I have to be honest and I don't want to miss a detail simply because I need you guy's.You all give me happiness and hope in different ways but you are all equally important to me.You guy's are my life line in every sense of the word
  17. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    My wife uses drumming, too, @Dominica. :)
    Dominica and True concern like this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Visually in my head i see 2 women going nuts on a drum set lol.I now know that's not what was meant however it is a funny mental picture lol
    deanokat, Josh111187 and Dominica like this.
  19. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    i can see that picture too, and maybe one day i will go all nuts on a drum set! it's also pretty cool to be a part of a drumming circle with a bunch of free spirits ;)
    deanokat and True concern like this.
  20. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @True concern no more beating yourself up... you tried the Xanax, and now you have found a better solution "for you". no judgment. you are using medical marijuana to give your body support; you are not abusing it. receive support from it, from god, universe... RECEIVE.

    allow yourself to receive ... take a deep breathe, let go what isn't serving you... you're worthy of so much goodness.....

    and sleep. you're worthy of so much goooooood sleep!