One of those days

Since I got clean I have a certain kind of bad day. I start thinking about everything I did the day before. I can't believe I said what I said or did what I did. When I look at it rationally, I did nothing wrong. When I ask people they tell me I did nothing wrong. But I can't shake this feeling. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does I go out of my mind with anxiety. It feels exactly like it did when I was messed up all the time. Those rare moments of sobriety would cause me to panic like this. Then I would take a drink or a pill and be fine. That isn't really an option anymore. Tomorrow this will have passed and I'll call myself silly. But today I can't bring myself to talk to anyone, and if I'm forced to I'm really short with them. I want to hide from the entire world today. I'm hoping by talking about it here will help it ease up a little bit. Thank you for letting me vent!

I go through this sometimes so I know exactly what you are talking about. I compare the feeling to one time when I sent an email about someone (it was not a nice email) ACCIDENTALLY to the person the email was about. It couldn't undo what I had done or said and the lady got it and I literally felt pain from the embarrassment and guilt. I couldn't get the thought out of my head about how stupid I was for doing something so hurtful and foolish. I feel that way sometimes with everyday conversations and situations. Why did I say that? Why did I act that way? Why am I so stupid?

So when my mind starts racing I have taught myself to close my eyes & visualize an open book. I tell myself to then close that book and move on. Its written in the past and even if it was stupid it is done with. That's my tip for you. Close the book.

I hop you have been able to ease your day. It will pass and tomorrow is a new day. We all have our moments and bad days and some of us ruminate over situations more than others. Letting go is a learning process and part of recovery. When you are able to let go of little things it will be better.

You can vent here anytime you like! That is what we are here for. i can understand in my own way of the days you are talking about. Those days where you want to bury your head in the sand and just wait until the day passes. Being short with people I understand as well. There are just some days where I can not be around many people other than my family. Letting go is a hard process so take it one step at a time instead of trying to tackle it all at once. I know having someone to talk to really helps so if you need us then post away, I know this and the Recovery forums really help when overcoming addiction.

I have days like this as well. I think that all people have days where they regret something that they do or say. I try not let my bad days bother me because I have a lot more good days than bad days. I remember when I was drinking I could never remember what I did the night before, and at least now I remember the dumb things that I do or say. I can correct my mistakes the next day instead of having to ask someone else if I did anything wrong. Try not worry, things always seem better in the morning.

Surely, there will come a day that you will overcome all these anxiety issues and alcohol/pill dependency. It's nice to know that you are being positive about everything. Just take your time.

It's all right. Even people who don't need to get clean occasional feel sudden gusts of angstiness. Even teenagers who have all the support they want in the world feel the need to rebel just because they're at a point in their lives where they cannot fully grasp their role in society. This too shall pass. Rest assured. For now, perhaps a totally entertaining movie or book would be good for you. Keep moving forward!

"This too shall pass" is one of my favorite quotes. Sometimes I forget it, though. I feel a little silly about all the freaking out yesterday, but I knew I would. I also know its going to happen again. I just really have to learn to "close the book" on it. I like that idea, @TripleD123. I'm going to try that next time, for sure!

I think when this happens, you haven't forgiven yourself completely. When we forgive ourselves for the things we have done in life, we begin to feel more free and we're able to keep moving in life instead of letting our past hold us back.

We should not live our life to what had happened in our past. Just bear in mind that during those days and the bad moments that you had experienced will serve as lessons for you to move on and change your life for the better. Don't hide yourself from the entire world like what you had said. Learn to reach out to your family, friends and other people you know that might help you in your recovery. There are still many days for tomorrow and you can always count on them.

Do you know what is making you doubt yourself so much? If you can work on this, you might find that these feelings diminish. There's no shame in wanting to hide though - we all need some downtime when things get too much. It's like a coping strategy.

Typically I don't even know who I'm worried about. I ask my husband if he knows of anyone I offended or made mad and he'll assure me I have nothing to worry about. He's gotten so used to it that he even give it a name, lol. After he assures me I just think there's something he doesn't know about and continue my anxiety attack on my own.

While it is nice that you are aware that you might have done something wrong, be aware that everyone does things that are wrong, things that we regret, and things that we are embarrassed of.
Everyone has these fears, and there is no need to fall into addiction to overcome them, just accept them as a natural thing.

@medievalmamma. No, you've never sounded judgmental! I'm 3 years sober and I have been on medication since I quit. Actually, the meds helped me quit. But I still have them. I don't know what causes them, and I haven't found a cure... Or even real relief. But I may be useless that one day, but I always snap back the next day.

We all go through this sometimes, some days are worse than others that why we are all here for support. Stay clean and have hope, trust me I know it is easier said than done but don't lose faith. We have to try our best to hold each other up in time of need. Best wishes.

I think you are just anxious of messing up like you did before, so you over-analyze things. Like what you said, it will pass, so just try to not let it bother you. I think after a year or two you will not feel that feeling again.

Thank you! I just hope I can help someone as much as everyone on here has helped me. This forum and the people in it have become my saving grace!

This is true, for me at least. I find myself being overwrought with false guilt, because I'm guilt tripping myself for the past. Forgiveness is hard, but it seems that it's often even harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive others.

@kana_marie feel free to vent. That's what support networks are for. I hope you're feeling better.