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Our 10 year old daughter

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by divalison, Jun 24, 2015.

  1. Winterybella

    Winterybella Community Champion

    What a pleasant way to start my morning. I'm teary eyed in the a very good way just being able to read about the progress you've been making. I'm honestly just thrilled that you both have found each other and pray that things will continue to improve. Much love to you all.
    deanokat and divalison like this.
  2. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    Yes, i want to praise you for providing a loving home for this child too. I would say I agree with the therapist. I would tell the child though that you appreciate the truth from her. One thing my mother told me when I was a child that stuck with me, is "I don't lie to you, and I don't expect you to lie to me." I think you could include others in that definition as well.
    deanokat and divalison like this.
  3. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I grew up in a home with plenty of foster children. I never knew until I was much older, but I always noticed some of their habits compared to mine. It's easy for them to end up following the path of their biological parents, but if you show your foster daughter a loving home, she should be just fine. I would hit the nail on the head with lying as soon as possible. She needs to know that you're fully aware of her lying habits and that she is loved unconditionally. She should be fine. :)
    deanokat and divalison like this.
  4. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    It is really nice that your daughter is doing better. :)
    She sounds to be an intelligent and friendly girl in school. Great that she can managed to be a lot smiling and moving forward.
    deanokat and divalison like this.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @divalison... Thanks so much for updating us. I'm so happy to hear that your daughter is doing better. Know that we are here for you whenever you need us. I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

    Peace and hugs.
  6. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Glad to hear that your daughter is doing better. You are a wonderful person for giving her a loving and caring home. I am so happy for all of you. So many children never get to have that and it breaks of heart to think of all those little ones out there either in the system or living in bad situations. My first thought when I read your post about her hiding food was that maybe when she was living with her mother she never got fed and she never knew when she would get her next meal so she would take food and hide it away so it would be there when she needed it. It just began a way of life for her and even though now she can eat when she wants it is still with her. It is where she finds comfort. I know of a similar case that happened here, One of the children ended up dying from neglect. The woman who adopted the other two told me of a similar situation to your story where they would take food and hide it under their mattresses. It was a sad story but years later they are doing well and have adjusted to the loving home they have now.
    deanokat likes this.
  7. Shenwil

    Shenwil Senior Contributor

    You just have to remember that she been through a lot before you and your husband adopted her. These may have been the things she had to do in the other foster homes to survive. Maybe she is scared that you guys willmturn out the same. I say just continue working things out through therapy and try to let her they she is loved and is safe. As for the wheat and dairy problem, I know of persons who get drawn to foods they are sensitive to. I don't know why this happens but it seems restricted foods are quite appealing to them.
    deanokat likes this.
  8. ReadmeByAmy

    ReadmeByAmy Community Champion

    @divalison Hello and thank you for sharing your story with us in this forum! You and your husband are truly indeed a wonderful couple who had shared love and a home for this little girl and she is very lucky to have both of you in her life now. Maybe because she had grown in a different kind of environment with her real parents that is why she developed this kind of habit. But you can reverse her habit with your guidance and good advice for her. I am sure with your tender loving care she will learn how to behave to be a better person. Well I just pray that things will be better soon and I wish that you will be happy as family always :)
    deanokat likes this.
  9. dkelly

    dkelly Active Contributor

    Let me just say how awesome it is that you and your husband have opened your heart and home to a child that is obviously in need. I think it is indeed admirable. That being said, I'm sorry about the hardship all of you are facing in this issue about the lying and sneaking. I know it must be frustrating.
    deanokat likes this.
  10. Carnold23

    Carnold23 Community Champion

    It is so amazing that you adopted that little girl. Thank you so much for taking in a child in need, that is truly a wonderful thing to do and you sound like great people.
    As far as her behavior goes, sneaking food is a classic behavior of children that have been neglected or abused by being denied food.
    Lying is also something that children do if they have been abused in the past.
    I would just say work with her, continue to show her unconditional love and I think she will turn out just fine. Your family has my prayers.
    deanokat likes this.
  11. irishrose

    irishrose Community Champion

    The lying and sneaking food are definitely earmarks of abuse, not necessarily indicators of future drug use. Perhaps Anna did not get enough food in her former home, so she instinctively sneaks food as a coping mechanism so that she will not go hungry later. It is going to take time for Anna to gain trust in you as her adoptive parent. She has to unlearn all of her former survival habits, such as lying and sneaking food. It will take time for her to realize that she does not need to do those things in order to survive in your care.
  12. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    She is doing this as a defense mechanism because of how she was treated for so long. She is trying to get attention and crying out for true love in different ways. You should have more deep talks with her instead of letting a therapist handle it. They really can't help in the way you can because you're actually at home with her. Spend time with her doing fun things, show her that you really care and build up her trust. It might take a long time, but she'll get there if you just keep showing her love. Be really involved in her life. Talk with her.
    divalison likes this.
  13. divalison

    divalison Member

    Actually, she's pretty much glued to my hip. The therapy is interactive, and we're all there, so it's not the therapist who is dictating how things go. The lying has been lessening, or she lies and then tells me she lied right afterward. I worry about the future, when she is presented with drugs and pressure to do things she doesn't want to. I worry that she will give in easily. Right now things are very good.
  14. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @divalison... I'm happy to hear that things are going well right now! As far as worrying about the future goes... Don't waste too much energy on that. One thing I've learned over the last several years is that worrying doesn't actually do anything. Except stress you out.

    I will continue to keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.

    Peace and hugs.
  15. divalison

    divalison Member

    I couldn't agree more, deanokat! If I figure out to stop worrying, I promise I will!
    deanokat likes this.
  16. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    Aw, your daughter seems so sweet and innocent. I think it's just the abuse in her past that makes her want to have all the food she can see even if she's allergic to it. I think you're in the right track with your therapy as well. And I'm happy to read the progress she's made. Maybe in time, she'll learn to stop lying, it just takes time especially since she's been exposed to a harsh environment before. You're doing great as parents and I'm sure she will grow up to be a great kid. Good luck and hang in there! Things will get much better.:)
    deanokat likes this.