Out Of The Dark & Into The Light

Hello Community,

My name is Tim, and I grew up in rural Pennsylvania. I am also Homosexual. So you can imagine how this is going to go right?

I was tortured for most of my teen years. Beaten up, Mentally and Verbally abused & Home Vandalized, all because I am gay. In the town I grew up in, if you were Gay, Black, Hispanic, or just basically different than the 1950's standards than your discriminated upon.

I was pushed down stairs, Was beaten up for the "fun" of it, had my clothes taken from my locker in gym class and put in the shower & received numerous death threats over the years. The teachers and principal would turn a blind eye to what was going on.

So beginning when i was 13, I began to experiment with marijuana. That was my reward to myself for not dying in or on my way home from school. It was something I looked forward to. Then when I was almost 17 I could no longer take all of the abuse and started into the hardcore drugs. When I say Hardcore, I mean everything imageable. The only thing I did do was be sober.

I started using Meth almost on a daily basis from when I was 17 to 25. The pain was just too much to deal with and I chose the easy way out, by diving into the shady underworld that is the drug world. I would go for weeks without real sleep, all the while doing any drug I could get my hands on. I knew I was running but I was too scared so face it all over again.

When I was a little over 19, I helped cook my first batch of Meth. The deal was, I was to buy the pills and the matches that were needed and in return I would share in the spoils. That was a beginning to an even darker road on an already moonless night. I did not stop helping with "The Cook" or as we called it "Dinner" until I finally broke down and asked my family for help.

I detoxed on my parents couch for a good 3 weeks. Sweating, nervousness, the rage, the shakes..the whole works. When I was finally done, I moved out of that town and severed ties with all of those people. I met my husband & he has helped me remain sober ever since. Thank You Love! I am now in my 7th year of recovery, with only one setback, so I think I am doing alright. Now I like to help people who are in the same situation, feeling helpless and alone, not knowing where to go. Support is crucial for recovery!

One of the things I did and still do to calm myself is to go to the beach. Find somewhere along the shoreline where you can be alone ( or mostly alone ) and sit at the waters edge, put your feet in the surf, and run your hands through the sand. Next its time for taking cleansing breathing. First one should be a deep breath in and quickly exhale, the second still the same, take a deep breath and this time breathe normally. Finally the third breath, breathe in deep and hold it for three seconds and slowly breathe out. This helps aid in my calming process. Then I gaze out over the water to the horizon, clearing my mind of all the days stresses and worries.

It takes a little practice but once you get a system down that works for you, this method can prove very effective.

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Until The Next Time,
Tim

I am so happy to see you have been able to over come your coping addictions in order be free. I hate to see that you went through so much trauma just for being you. I feel it is a bigger crime that parents teach their kids these bullying methods by talking "rubbish" (talking others beliefs down because they differ from their own) of their own beliefs. Just because we do not all believe in the same way, does not mean it is anyone's right to force their beliefs or punishments onto others.

Your story is highly inspirational Thanks for sharing!

Thank you very much, It took many years for me to be finally free of all of it, ok most of it. Lets face it if you were addicted to anything, quitting that thing does not make the impulses go away. I know it is reinforced in the home, church and at school. These "Leaders" should be teaching the youngsters to love and accept not judge and hate. Thanks again for reading my story.

You are very right my friend. I just hope our world will evolve into true non-judgmental love one day. Seems like people find any acute reason to talk down to anyone. And your are right, the addiction is just a coping method (for me, I was a cutter-no drugs). My surroundings and the people I surrounded myself with made the biggest difference in the end.

Reading your story, it seems like you just ditched drugs without any medical help or intervention? If that's the case, then good for you! You are a living proof that you don't have to take any pills, see a doctor or go to a rehab to be able to quit the habit. All you need is simple will power. Keep it up!

Thank you very much. I did not use rehab or pills to help me come down and detox. I trusted my family to help me out and boy do I owe them. My mom would sit with me while I was shaking and sweating, screaming I need my meth! but she never gave up on me. She even slept in the same room as I did soe she could make sure I was not sneaking out to get a fix. The longer I went without it the more clear it became I needed help, and accepted. Change is only in what you put into it, I wish simple will power was all I needed, sure would have made things a lot easier. Thank you for taking the time to read my story it means alot!

I am so sorry for all the heartache you went through, I shudder at the thought of all those disgusting things that happened to you to a point where I got really emotional reading your story!

All I can say is that I commend your strength, you are indeed a person of admirable character and you have set such a great example for all the of us here! Thanks for taking your time and sharing your story with us, it couldn't have been easy!

Aww Thank You Elles! I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. If that made you well up then try reading this. http://www.goerie.com/article/20061208/FRONTPAGE/612080363 This is just a little of what I went through to end up so hooked on all the drugs. I know everyone runs from pain and fear differently, I just wish I knew then what I know now as they say.

Again thank you for supporting me, going on seven years clean and sober except a few cigarettes now and again but shh we're not telling anyone. Hope to see you in future posts.

Wow. Your story seems like it is out of an inspirational drama movie. It's a story of being bullied, then getting addicted, then overcoming all of them. That's great to hear that you have survived all of these things. I salute you for being such a strong person.

Thank you very much Dyanmarie, it appreciate your kind words of encouragement! It never really occurred to me about movie quality but it does sound like something Lifetime Movie Network would play, now that I think about it. lol. There are many more articles out there if you really want to know more, or just ask.

Man, you are a conqueror. Stigmatized for who you are, endured unimaginable abuse, disowned by your teachers and friends, fell victim to drugs and after going full cycle, you emerged victorious. You give hope to the hopeless and you're leaving proof that all is possible. My hat goes off to you.

You are very welcome PrideKid... I just wish that many of us had your strength! It honestly couldn't have been easy pushing through all the hurdles and humps that threw your way.

As for the cigarettes, who is judging? All I know that you are a great example and that you should spread your story further, so as to help others out there who might be in a similar situation as you were!

It is no easy task to this day. My husband keeps me in line most days. lol. It took along time and my close friends who decided to detox with me. I posted on another forum about my "steps" program we came up with. It actually worked.

I do appreciate the people who took the time to check the link. There are many more articles on that if you would like to read more about it. But yes, as cliche as it is, If I Can, You Can. It just took a lot of help, and pushing through what seemed to be a never ending battle. Set up a support network, a plan, and STICK to it

Wow, you seem to have overcome so much in your life and I am truly inspired. It must have been an unbelievably difficult time for you. Some people can just be so truly awful without realising the effect that they are having on someone and I am glad you have showed them that you are a strong person.

There are so many crappy people out there! You are an inspiration to everyone on this planet who has had to overcome anything...in other words, all of us! Thanks for sharing your story. And remember F. Scott Fitzgerald's immortal words, "Living well is the best revenge!" (Praying and giving thanks for you)!

Congrats for your recovery! I'm surprised that you are still a sane person after all you've been through, I honestly don't know if I could have endured it...

I don't like beaches that much, but I love nature in general so I just go in the forest to relax. You can also try this if you wish.

Aww thank you all very much for such nice responses. @Nergaahl I am only sane because I am on four different types of medication for mental health. It has taken many long years to get free of all of it, facing it, dealing with it and this time without the use of illegal substances. Every day is a new beginning to the rest of your life, it is up to you to decided how to live it.

It is not an easy road by any means, but it worth every second. I do not think I would be here typing to you right now if my Rex, My husband was not as strong as he is. He has kept me up when I was down and never let me fall again. It takes immense patience to deal with me I am sure of it. lol.

Powerful stuff here! It's a great story, this one. You really show how hard it is sometimes and how society (in my opinion) has still so much to grow so that it doesn't let such things happen.

All the bad for the best!
Congratulations on your recovery, man! More people need to read your story. What's even more appreciable, is that you didn't use any kind of pills or detox, which proves more that everything lies within our own perception of the problem, and these detox sessions and pills are just giving you a placebo effect.