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Overdose, suicide, comfort of friend

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by greybird29, Oct 17, 2015.

  1. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    Are you “friends” with your hairdresser? I guess I am not; yes we are friendly with each other I bring her fresh flowers from my yard during the season and she loves them. We laugh and smile while I sit in her chair we chat about flowers, the weather, resent events, and some life events.

    Usually me, me, me; the reason I am getting my hair done, my Birthday, Anniversary’s, my Daughters rehearsal dinner, wedding and such happy events in “my” life.

    This week I saw a “closed sign on the door the day of my appointment and for the next few days; I tried calling, no answer. Several days later she called me “ask how I was” and told me she was having some personal issues and if we could reschedule; we did for that afternoon.

    When I walked in, I was shocked. She looked like a different person; at least ten pounds lighter, sunken cheeks and eyes. She looked like she had been crying and was ready to break down in tears at any moment. I could not help but ask “are you ok, what’s up”?

    She broke right down in tears and while we hugged told me that her daughter had overdosed several days before; she said they had been fighting the alcohol, heroin and other drug demons for a few years. I never had a clue what she was going through all those years I set in her chair.

    Overdose and suicide is on the rise in my area, it is unbelievably high. In the past two months my daughter has lost several “friends” to drugs or suicide one of which was a coaxed suicide. Dozens of others folks under 25 years old have also died; It is just all so very sad; especially to the families left behind.

    I feel bad that I was not there as a shoulder to lean on or someone to confide in for my hairdresser during those years. Too hyped up on “my” happy times than to take time to know her and her happy or unhappy times…
  2. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    Oh, @greybird29 ! I'm very sad for your very dear friend and her daughter. I will be thinking of her even if I don't know her. But God does. Poor precious soul.

    I've paused to pray for your dear precious and very much loved friend. I hope to hear about how's she's going. Thank you. :)
    greybird29 likes this.
  3. zaerine

    zaerine Community Champion

    Sorry to know about that.
    Sad to know that there are increasing number of addictions and suicides involving the youth. It could be because of how less interactive life becomes where most are tied up on the gadgets than sharing more time with people who might be able to help or share your problems with.
    greybird29 likes this.
  4. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    Some time we can talk to somebody every day and never really know what is going on in their lives. They put on a happy face for the world to see but in reality they are dealing with so much. You shouldn't feel bad. She may not have wanted to talk about it before or even if you had asked how she was she may never have told you what she was really going through. I am so sorry she lost her daughter through overdosing. You are right there is a lot of it is happening among young people. My daughter has recently lost quite a few friends who have overdosed. It really is sad. Too many young lives ended way too soon.
  5. Carnold23

    Carnold23 Community Champion

    I am so sorry for your friend and her daughter. They will be in my thoughts tonight.
    Sometimes our hairdressers can be our dearest friends. I have had many hairdressers I have felt extremely close to.
    I hope your friend will be able to make it through this dark time. Maybe she will find this forum and find some support here.
  6. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts, prayers and encouragement for my friend.
    When a child of ours overdoses we feel so guilty wishing we would have known and had done something different that may have brought a different outcome; constant guilt focused on the could of, should of and would ofs.
    When someone we love chooses to leave this world suddenly and with no warning it can make a real mess for those left behind. Still we have should of, would of and could ofs.
    The fact is in either case is no one can change the outcome. The parent/ family and friends will always have guilt and confusion and hope they can wake up from a bad nightmare. It is rare they will ever again find peaceful sleep…
    My little town has banned “spice” and various drugs that were recently sold at local “head shops”. That should have happened years ago because many deaths were occurring weekly with different varieties and were ignored.
    Sue is a wonderful Mother, daughter, person, hair stylist, friend and all around good person. I will share the link for this site with her and hope she can find inspiration from positive folks that have been there done that or know someone that has.
    Best wishes to all on the journey of life; may you find peace, love, support, good food, joy and happiness.
    EditorsRHumansToo! likes this.
  7. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Wow. Your story's like one of those semi-horror stories you only get to read in novels or watch in movies. I'm heavily reminded of the film Disturbing Behavior where teenagers were kidnapped, drugged and brainwashed, making them violent and "evil." Since an entire community has been affected by this drug-suicide epidemia, the government and the police force should do something about it. People from the community should also articulate their concerns to the authorities so that they'd be able to contain this outbreak.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @greybird29... @L_B hit the nail on the head. People are very good at keeping things private, even when they may be struggling mightily on the inside. You shouldn't feel bad at all for not knowing what was going on with your hairdresser. The important thing is that you were there for her when she opened up and told you about it. I'm sure that meant so much to her.

    Thanks for sharing this with us. There are definitely way too many people, young and old, dying drug-related deaths these days. It is a major health crisis, for sure.
    greybird29 likes this.
  9. misskrystal1982

    misskrystal1982 Active Contributor

    Don't beat yourself up. Maybe she enjoyed hearing your good news and sharing it with you? What counts is you were there for her when you saw she needed it. You didn't ignore her pain. That is true friendship. Too often we chide ourselves for not being damn near psychic when it comes to others. It's not possible to be, and I am sure she never held it against you.
  10. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    My heart breaks for her because she is suffering such a painful loss of her child and there is not a dang thing “anyone” can do to comfort her. When I was eleven years old my sister was killed, 3 days later My “Granny” my Mama’s Mama died on the way to my sister’s funeral…That was a very sad time. Mama crawled into a bottle of valium, where she lived until her death many years later.

    Losing a parent or especially a child to any death can be devastating; yet I do believe there is a better way to deal with it than how my Mama did. I am not a person that goes to get my hair “done” very often; maybe four or five times a year yet I will make a point to pop in and will be there to support Sue (my hair dresser) in any way I can.
  11. EditorsRHumansToo!

    EditorsRHumansToo! Community Champion

    I will be praying with you for strength and wisdom. And peace and comfort for your much loved friend, Sue.
    deanokat and greybird29 like this.
  12. dyanmarie25

    dyanmarie25 Community Champion

    I am sorry to hear about what your friend has went through in life, @greybird29. Well, that's the sad thing about addiction, it could totally ruin your life, and even lead you to suicide.

    Anyway, thanks for sharing. I sympathize with you.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. mooray

    mooray Active Contributor

    Sorry to hear. In your shoes, no words you can say to help fill her that void. Depression mixed with drugs is a dangerous combination.
  14. greybird29

    greybird29 Active Contributor

    Thank you all for your thoughts; this has proved to be one heck of a few weeks. I stopped in last week to say hey to Sue, she looked better not quite as red eyed and distraught sunken face. I could tell she was wearing a fake smile; she said she was doing okay and taking it day by day.
    I did feel a bit awkward just popping in to say hey with no hair care; yet I let her know I am here for her any time and have a daughter that is battling addiction. I tried to reassure her that it is not the Mother of the addicts fault; it is the drug. Yet we will always blame ourselves with the what if I would have done a million this or that’s; it is a Mothers nature.
    deanokat likes this.
  15. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    So sorry Greybird. I guess it is true we never know what someone else is going through, so we should always be kind. I can not imagine the pain of losing a child especially a loss that didn't need to happen. You know now, so I am sure you will continue to be supportive of your friend. Drugs are such a scourge in this country, that is why any legalization efforts need to proceed at a snails pace. We don't need anything that are going to encourage people to use.
  16. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    I feel so sorry for your hairdresser. It probably meant the world to her when you gave her that hug. Losing someone is hard, but losing your own child...I can't even begin to imagine how difficult that is. Don't feel sorry for not being there for her over the years. There is no way you could have known and she chose where the conversations were going. As her client, it probably wouldn't have felt right for her to spill her problems to you as she was doing your hair. Don't be so hard on yourself about it. Be happy that you are now aware and can lend a shoulder to cry on in this time. I hope she feels better soon.
    deanokat likes this.
  17. doatk22

    doatk22 Community Champion

    That's so sad but I'm glad she at least had you to talk to. She needed to get that cry out. It is a continual problem and something really needs to be done about it. It's devastating for family.