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Painkiller addiction - can't handle the lies

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Dja101, Jan 12, 2017.

  1. Dja101

    Dja101 Member

    Hi, I am new on here and hope this post is ok. Here goes, I am in love with an addict. When I started dating my partner he had a Valium & painkiller addiction i wasn't aware of. I found out about this and he has stopped taking Valium however the painkiller addiction is extremely bad. We have spoken about it and he had admitted he knows he has a problem and wants me to go with him to visit his GP. He has asked me to keep the pills and only give him the prescribed amount the problem is, he has started getting them elsewhere. I can tell straight away if he has taken a lot by his speech and eyes. The thing is, i know this won't be easy and i expected him to do this but the issue is that even when i say i know he's taken something and i ask him what/how much he has taken he lies. I mean totally takes it to extremes blaming me for not trusting him and saying it's all in my head. No matter how much i push it he won't tell the truth. I've said as long as he's honest I'll support him but the lies will make me leave. Even knowing this he will lie until he's blue in the face and only own up if i find pills in his jeans. Why can't he just tell me the truth when he knows I'll support him, the lying will make he leave and he knows this so why is that not enough to make him be honest? I have no experience of addiction whatsoever and i feel really alone, frustrated and helpless just now. Can anyone offer any advice? Thanks.
  2. Dja101

    Dja101 Member

    Thanks so much for getting back to me. I think i know deep down that you are right and that i need to leave. What's stopping me is I am terrified things will get worse for him if i do as he has a history of depression. I couldn't live with myself if he did something stupid. His family aren't aware of the problem and i don't know if i should speak to them about it first so that i know if I leave there will be others there that could offer Support? Then i think though, if i wasn't prepared to give the support then why should i put the burden on anyone else's shoulders just so my own conscience is clear. I'm just really hoping that putting down on here how I'm feeling and getting advice will give me some clarity as i don't feel i can speak to my friends or family about it. My heart breaks seeing him do this to himself and i feel so useless that i can't stop it.
  3. Umm

    Umm Member

    ...that akward moment when someones talking and its as if they knew your story and was talking directly to you. Its as if you were answering all the questions i have. No sugar coating, just the truth. Not what we want to hear sometimes, but just what we need to know. Thank you bigirishbastard
    ...Dja101, good luck hon. I hope the best for you and your loved one.
  4. Umm

    Umm Member

    Thank you. I appreciate it.
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Dja101... Welcome to the forums and thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. Your post is perfectly fine. I'm really sorry you're having to go through this with your partner. There's do doubt that loving someone who struggles with addiction is beyond challenging. But you already know that.

    Leaving your partner is certainly the quickest, easiest solution to your problem. And if you did that, I certainly wouldn't blame you. But if you are in love and want to try to make things work, there is a book I think could help you. It's called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners/parents of people with addiction and it's full of super helpful information. How to communicate better using love and compassion, how to help motivate your loved one to want to change, and--most importantly--how to take care of yourself while you deal with your loved one's issues. The one thing you have to remember is this: YOU are the most important person in your life. No matter what happens, you need to put YOURSELF at the very top of your priority list.

    I also think it would help if your partner saw an addiction specialist instead of just his GP. An addiction specialist has much deeper knowledge of the disease. They can assess your partner's situation and recommend the best next steps for him. I believe if your partner wants to make a change, he can. But if he doesn't...well, then there's nothing you an really do. Like Nar-Anon and Al-Anon teach: You didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it.

    We're here to help and support you, my dear, so feel free to reach out anytime. If you feel like you can break things off with your partner and feel okay about it, maybe that's the best thing. But if you have doubts and want to try and see if things can get better, that's okay, too. Whatever your heart tells you to do is what you should do.

    I'm sending you big hugs full of hope and lots of positive energy.