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Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Gelsemium, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    I have heard that people go back to the state of life they were in before they went on drugs or alcohol to a degree and they have to catch up somewhat on the maturity level they are supposed to be at when they stop taking the drugs or alcohol. It is like some developmental stages are lost. It is possible to recover from this and that is why recovery programs also teach life skills.
    stariie likes this.
  2. imperivm1

    imperivm1 Community Champion

    Well, that's what addiction does. It gets inside your head, takes over control of your feelings and emotions and leaves you vulnerable and begging for more afterwards. It's only natural that one of its side effects would be the incapacitation of our ability to interpret emotions normally. Unfortunately there's nothing we can do to combat this unless we eradicate the source of the issue itself.
  3. OhioTom76

    OhioTom76 Senior Contributor

    This made me think of a former friend of mine who I was drinking with regularly. Her family, particularly her dad, treated her like crap growing up - he's a Jehovah's Witness and quite frankly very misogynistic and pinheaded - he's basically one of those types of people that doesn't believe women should go to college or pursue a career, they should just be dumb, and submissive to their husbands.

    She now drinks a lot, and for a while there her and I were drinking together, but I was always really put off at how childish she would act the drunker she got. She's pushing 40 with three kids, and she's got the mentality of someone in middle school. She'll start sobbing and crying because some random co-worker or some stranger she met on Tinder won't sleep with her and is not showing any interest in her. She "cries wolf" quite frequently about committing suicide, to the point where we've all gotten fed up with her doing that for attention.

    When I finally decided I needed to taper off my drinking, she was one of the first people I had to cut out of my life.
  4. sazzydan

    sazzydan Active Contributor

    I do think it can be changed. I think it is not uncommon for peoples emotional values to change, even in the smallest of situations, but I think this can be changed easier than you think. I think in the worst case scenario, a counselling program can be arranged to correct one step at a time.

    I hope this helps!
  5. May102014

    May102014 Active Contributor

    Yes, the influence that we got is the reason why there is a change. But don't lose hope because of that changes. Instead, keep pausing to change for the better. According to Romans 12:2 Transformed by making your mind over, so that you may prove to yourselves the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
  6. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Ultimately everything can change. I've seen though that people are just too insecure and because of that they cover it up with arrogance. They are totally messed up...
  7. I definitely have seen this with some drug addicts, if not most. I think that the selfish part of the personality takes over meaning that you are not learning or being very emotionally considerate to others, only thinking about yourself, your drugs, and your addiction. IMO of course.
  8. scootpony

    scootpony Active Contributor

    I think I know what you mean; and yeah, I do think our spiritual and emotional growth is stunted a bit by addictions. Stunted, though, doesn't necessarily mean that that part of you will never grow.

    A vet told me about a little three year old colt she knew about that needed someone to take him and love him. She said he was stunted by the lack of nutrition and care from birth, but that he was still young enough to "catch up" with no ill effects if someone got to him pretty quickly.

    I bought the colt. Except for the length of his tail, you would hardly have thought him a year old, much less three. I didn't start that horse under the saddle for another year and he was five before I started seriously riding him.

    Today he is seven. He's pretty much caught up, but he's still growing at an age that most horses are slowing down in that department.

    I'm betting I'll see growth for at least another year before he stops.

    He's already one of the best horses I've ever had in my life. Smart, sweet and just plain good. Some of that is just the nature he was born with and some of it is the effect what he's seen and been through.

    The thing is, unless one has just totally obliterated one's brain cells, it is highly unlikely that a little detour in the emotional/spiritual part of development is going to keep anyone behind forever. In fact, I think if one has come to the place where one wants to be rid of addictions, then one is already on the road to new growth and recovery.

    I even think that their experiences prior to that are enriching. Without those who've had such experiences who would really be able to help others in the same or similar situations?

    There's another thing, too, about growth. When we're very young we tend to see "grown up" as being a certain age. As we get older it begins to be apparent that, in many ways, growing up is a process we're still in by the time we die.

    We never really stop growing in this life. We may have interruptions. Many of them and more kinds than we are talking about here, but we never stop growing. Not even in the next life.

    But then, that's just my opinion.
  9. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    That is true, we never stop growing considering we have stopped consuming, the fact is that from a certain point on I stopped knowing if people were consuming or not, I simply can't tell.
  10. Charli

    Charli Community Champion

    I completely agree. I think the biggest misconception is that maturity is a level you someday get to, but in reality it is a never ending process that you'd probably spend your whole life trying to constantly adjust and work up to, which is what makes it, as you've said a spectrum.
  11. juno

    juno Community Champion

    I think the emotional development halts because that is one of the things you are going for. Drugs numb your emotions and take you to a different state so that you can run from whatever circumstance that you are in. So, yes, you have some emotional catching up to do in recovery. That is the part of therapy when you are recovering from drugs. It helps you deal with your emotions from the past and for the future.
  12. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    Yes, that is why therapy is important, not only to get us through detox, but also to put us in touch with our emotions and for the new life that is ahead of us.
  13. stariie

    stariie Community Champion

    I think that what most of my friends who were/are addicts lack is a sense of maturity. And when they stop using, the most important thing is to learn how to be a grown up, not a child running away from their problems. Not everybody is like this that I know, but many of them.

    That being said, I think that a person can mature and grow after they stop using, but they have to work at it. As with all things that are worth having in life, it takes work.
    If a person started using at 15, and didn't stop until 30, there are many things that the person has missed out on emotionally during that time. One can't go back and live through 15 years all over again and experience what they would have gone through, and how they would have gone through it, had they been clean.
    Once a person gets clean, they just have to do the best they can to adjust, and put the work in to mature as an adult.
  14. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    That is exactly it stariie, they lack maturity because emotionally they stall. I don't know what causes that, but I know it from experience, so yes, they need to grow up and learn how to live a new life.
  15. wahmed

    wahmed Active Contributor

    Of course they steak. Your addiction turns you into a child. Like they must have something you must to. Drugs make you insensitive you often don't feel others pain or their hurt. All you see is yourself.
  16. 003

    003 Community Champion

    Emotional development will resume once that you stopped your addiction. It will come along with your fight, and it's gonna make you strong. Actually it's really hard to chase for emotional development. It's not going to be easy to have it, but it would be worth to work hard for it, and that could only happen if you are going to fight against your weaknesses, which in your case, is your addiction.
  17. Gelsemium

    Gelsemium Community Champion

    I don't know about the making you strong part 003, eventually you're right or are you masking up your weaknesses and making yourself look strong? Some harder drugs are though to cope with.