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Please be aware when giving advice

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by Faygo1224, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. Faygo1224

    Faygo1224 Active Contributor

    I have found that many people on this site seem to think that they have the answers to all life's questions. Yes you may be committed to your sobriety and are good at maintaining it but what works for you isn't always good for everyone else. Considering that everyone has their own reasons for drinking and have different life paths and ways, it is extremely difficult to give advice based on a few things someone wrote. It is important for people to be as detailed as possible when asking for advice because if the advice giver does not understand the entire gist of your issue related to addiction, it will be of no help and onyl as good as what you can look up on the net yourself. My advice to the advice givers is to hold off for a second and ask questions before jumping right in. That's the only logical way to give good advice. You must simply know what is going on. Everyone's journey is different.
  2. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    I think it's all right. Many people here are asking for advice so the members are doing their best to offer some based on their personal experiences. Besides, the person asking for advice has the leeway or freedom to accept or ignore the pieces of advice given if not pick the one that matches his or her preference. Nothing's set in stone, really. Respecting each other's views matters most.
    Mara and Winterybella like this.
  3. oraclemay

    oraclemay Community Champion

    I do agree, everyone on this site is offering to help others who are looking for help. In the end, it is up to the individual to accept or reject the information given to them. I think the best part of this site is that there are so many, who do not presume to be experts, but are still reaching out to those in need. A helping hand for someone who feels isolated is essential. It is more important to make those who need feel accepted. Even the experts make mistakes and that is the flaw of all human beings, we are prone to mistakes. It really does not matter because we all make our own choices in the end.
    Mara and Winterybella like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    There is definitely not a "one-size-fits-all" path to recovery. (Things would certainly be much easier if there was!) What works for one person might not work for another. But sharing stories and experiences can give people an idea of what others have tried, and what has been successful/unsuccessful for people. Like they say, "Take what you want and leave the rest."
    Mara and Winterybella like this.
  5. Fyrion

    Fyrion Active Contributor

    Agreed. Nobody has the definitive answer to all addiction issues, but everybody are free to follow people advices or not. They are trying to help and may happen that sometimes their solution is not what a specific person with addiction issues is looking for. Is not the only one.

    We are not psychologists, physician or especialists. At least not me (and also it's forbidden to give medical advices). But, as you said, people here offer help based on personal experience and I'm in for respecting each one own approach.

    Mara and deanokat like this.
  6. kgord

    kgord Community Champion

    We can only do what we can do, or offer from our life experience. Sometimes, it has to be said that people don't want to take good advice that is offered thinking "they know best" but sometimes we have to be humble enough to let it in our ears, and sit with it. However, as other people have is up to the person asking the question if they want to take the advice or not. Obviously, none of us know it all or we wouldn't be here.
    Mara and deanokat like this.
  7. Tsky45

    Tsky45 Community Champion

    Most of the time when people are asking for advice here there looking for different opinions. That's the good thing about this forum you have many different opinions to choose from. Every one is different, but it's also good to use what works for you and reject what doesn't. Most of the comment's are based on experience and many different experiences can be valuable.
    Mara, deanokat and Winterybella like this.
  8. djolem

    djolem Senior Contributor

    People here rich out to get some advice or just to share some thoughts. Otherwise what is the point of the forum? I believe that sharing our stories is already an advice. It is important to give an idea and open up to somebody to let him know that other people have same problems, no matter the cause. The goal should be the same actually. The goal is to fight it and win in the end. I always say that we should try to set our priorities and goals. To have something driving us to better life and to escape the addiction.
    Mara and deanokat like this.
  9. anorexorcist

    anorexorcist Community Champion

    Yes, yes. I agree with you completely. I don't really like to give advices because of this, what may seem good or right for me, is not thay way for everyone, and that's why sometimes I try to be really careful with my words, because you don't really know how people are going to react towards it.
    At the end of the day, there's only one reality: the one that we told to ourselves.
    Mara likes this.
  10. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    I still sometimes struggle when I give people advice, because I know that my situation isn't going to be the same as everyone else's. I guess that all I can do is try and lay my experiences on the table and say to people to take what they want from it. It's hard, because we're all individuals with our own thoughts, feelings and emotions that are different to everyone elses - and we all have different triggers. I definitely hear you about the asking questions side of things - I think any time I try and offer advice I try to go down that path first, to get a better understanding of what the individual situation is.
    Mara likes this.
  11. Coolkidhere

    Coolkidhere Community Champion

    I understand your point. I've been a part of this forum for a while now and even until now, I still hesitate when giving advices. But to be honest, more than giving advices, it's the sharing of experiences that can actually help the people here. I know I have learned a lot just by reading other people's experiences about addictions. And though their experiences might be different that mine, I still get something out of it. And in the times that we have the same experiences, it always makes me feel a bit less guilty.

    For those who ask for advice though, they can take the advice with a grain of salt. They don't need to even apply it in their lives. We're here to just share what we have been through. We don't want to harm anyone at all. As much as possible, we want to be an an inspiration to the people who's struggling right now. And that's all really, we don't want to seem like experts in this field because we're not. We just want to read about their struggles and share that we've been through that as well.
    kassie1234 and Mara like this.
  12. Rosyrain

    Rosyrain Community Champion

    Most of the time people on here are asking advice and the opinions of others who have had similar struggles. I agree that every piece of advice is not going to work for everyone though. You really have to think through your advice before giving it out so that it could really be helpful. After that, it is up to the member who asked the question to read the responses and see what is useful to them.
    deanokat likes this.
  13. kassie1234

    kassie1234 Community Champion

    This is so true - I sometimes find that the fact other people are willing to open up also helps me to open up too, you know? It's that comfort in the fact that other people are being vulnerable with you :)
  14. L_B

    L_B Community Champion

    I think most people are here for support and to help in any way they can. They offer up their advice to let others know that what they did and had success at. Each individual is different in many ways. I am sure other appreciate the advice whether it is going to work for them or not. The support is a big part.
  15. lexinonomous

    lexinonomous Community Champion

    Although I can understand what you're saying, people are simply giving their two cents. I don't see anything wrong with giving an opinion. The person asking the question is really responsible with how they utilize the advice their given. I don't think anyone is to blame, really. I can understand why you might think people are giving bad advice, but even that is a matter of opinion. Everyone will deal with their addictions differently.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    I'll say it again...

    People here are sharing personal experiences and opinions. No one here is a medical doctor or psychologist or addiction specialist. We're just people who have "been there" and want to share, with the hope that something we say might help someone else who may be struggling.

    Take what you want and leave the rest.