Please hekp, im afraid im going to hurt myself or my girlfriens. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend won't support me in my recovery. She is evil to me about it and I think she intentionally tries to hurt me mentally or make me feel bad. She was a nurse at a methadone clinic, and I'm currently on methadone. I live in a small town in a small County in Sw pa. Everybody I know uses some kind of drug, be it Alachol or herion. The same for her. I am trying to get off of methadone because I have to drive an hour and a half daily to dose. Time and money are hurting from it. I have 5 months off opiates, it would be about 9 or 10 except I took a vicodan one day for pain. I have a broken back, rods screws ect. Well I make the right decisions over and over. Constantly NOT using. there have been times when I have talked about wanting to do it, and secretly tried to. In the end though, I dont. She doesn't see that though, she had NEVER given me any kind of encouragement for not doing anything. She says it makes her sick to hear me say I will think about it a lot. I try to be honest with her but it only makes it worse. If I tell her I talked to someone or someone offered me something she goes crazy and makes me feel like ****. It's been 3 years together and the entire time she has treated me like a scumbag liar for things I never did. It's to the point I think I'm going to hurt myself or hurt her. I try to be honest, I try to be truthful but she puts me in the dirt for doing that. I'm sorry if this sounds like gibberish I'm just at my wits end. If someone could please, just give me something I could show her, something about how to deal with me. How to understand what I'm going through with recovery. Why does she treat me like this when I try to do right??? If she's going to treat me like this for being honest and telling the truth why shouldn't I just get high??? She's the ONLY reason I haven't. Soberity means nothing to me. I just don't want to be dope sick. But I don't use for her but I'm starting to think I'm wrong If anyone could please... just give me something Also. Please don't patronize me by saying I need professional help or we shouldn't be together. If you really feel like you need to, then ok. At least try to offer some advice about how to deal with this. Or how to get her to understand what I'm dealing with.