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please help me. I'm afraid of hurting myself, or my girlfriend

Discussion in 'Helping an Addicted Loved One' started by ineedhelp, Aug 26, 2016.

  1. ineedhelp

    ineedhelp Member

    I posed this in herion but I think it might be better here

    Please help, im afraid of hurting myself or my girlfriend. I don't know what to do. My girlfriend won't support me in my recovery. She is evil to me about it and I think she intentionally tries to hurt me mentally or make me feel bad.

    She was a nurse at a methadone clinic, and I'm currently on methadone. I live in a small town in a small County in Sw pa. Everybody I know uses some kind of drug, be it Alachol or herion. The same for her. I am trying to get off of methadone because I have to drive an hour and a half daily to dose. Time and money are hurting from it. I have 5 months off opiates, it would be about 9 or 10 except I took a vicodan one day for pain. I have a broken back, rods screws ect.

    Well I make the right decisions over and over. Constantly NOT using. there have been times when I have talked about wanting to do it, and secretly tried to. In the end though, I dont. She doesn't see that though, she had NEVER given me any kind of encouragement for not doing anything. She says it makes her sick to hear me say I will think about it a lot. I try to be honest with her but it only makes it worse. If I tell her I talked to someone or someone offered me something she goes crazy and makes me feel like ****. It's been 3 years together and the entire time she has treated me like a scumbag liar for things I never did. It's to the point I think I'm going to hurt myself or hurt her. I try to be honest, I try to be truthful but she puts me in the dirt for doing that.

    I'm sorry if this sounds like gibberish I'm just at my wits end.

    If someone could please, just give me something I could show her, something about how to deal with me. How to understand what I'm going through with recovery. Why does she treat me like this when I try to do right??? If she's going to treat me like this for being honest and telling the truth why shouldn't I just get high??? She's the ONLY reason I haven't. Soberity means nothing to me. I just don't want to be dope sick. But I don't use for her but I'm starting to think I'm wrong
    If anyone could please... just give me something

    Also. Please don't patronize me by saying I need professional help or we shouldn't be together. If you really feel like you need to, then ok. At least try to offer some advice about how to deal with this. Or how to get her to understand what I'm dealing with.
  2. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @ineedhelp... I replied to your other post, but I'm copying my reply here as well.

    Welcome to the forum and thanks for sharing so honestly with us. I'm sorry that your girlfriend is not being supportive of your recovery.

    There is a great book out there called Beyond Addiction: How Science and Kindness Help People Change. It's written specifically for partners and loved ones who are struggling with addiction. It teaches people how to be supportive and helpful using love and empathy instead of anger. I think it would be a great book for your girlfriend to read. There is also a companion workbook that goes along with the book. That is available online for free. Here's the link:

    If your girlfriend goes to that link and clicks on "I am a Partner," I think the information she finds will be very helpful. I would hope she'd be willing to check it out.

    I know you said not to say this, but I'm going to say it anyway: If your girlfriend has treated you poorly for the entire three years you've been together, and if she's not being supportive of you in your recovery, I'm not sure why you choose to stay with her. There is happiness out there. A relationship should be happy, not miserable. You deserve to be treated with love, kindness, and respect.

    I will keep good thoughts for you. I am also sending you positive, healing vibes. I hope things get better for you. Keep doing the next right thing and know that you can reach out to us if you need to.
  3. ineedhelp

    ineedhelp Member

    Thank you Denocrat,I already replied to your other message. Just having you reply to me has given me strength. Thank you
    Donnchadh and deanokat like this.
  4. Donnchadh

    Donnchadh Active Contributor

    Hi there sorry to read that your having a hard time with your girlfriend is can't really identify with your situation simply because II'm not in a relationship. However for what it's worth if I was in your situation I'd really have to ask myself dose she really love me or dose she want a punchbag? It's difficult enough trying to keep clean without putting up with what you just described. If I was in your situation honestly I'd leave her but that's just my own personal opinion I've beaten myself up enough for years without having someone else beating me up while trying to keep clean. And as deanokat said relationships are supposed to be kind careing loving and supporting experience's. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your life but maybe a suggestion have you ever thought about taking time out for a period of months for yourself. And a final suggestion maybe ask your girlfriend to join Nar Anon. I so wish you all the very best in your recovery your both in my thoughts and prayers
    deanokat likes this.