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Please help Me

Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Yumpele, May 18, 2018.

  1. Yumpele

    Yumpele Member

    I have a serious problem. I was in a relationship with a guy around 5 years ago and he introduced me to meth. After using it several times I decided with the help of God to quite. And I am happy to say I did. I eventually cut him off because I was in love with him but he was not in love with me.
    I recently about a month ago reconnected with this guy and he has had a serious health problem. Although he does not look the same my love for him is the same. He told me every thing I have been waiting to hear for the last five years and yes he is still smoking meth. I am willing to be in a relationship with him until he decides to if ever get clean. He would call me at least 10 times a day, we have spent time together, etc. in the last couple of days his pattern has completely changing and I don’t understand why. I am really hurting behind his actions and I am wondering is there something wrong with me. I’m in love with this man and will do anything within the law for him. I can’t really talk to him because everything is mostly about him yet I will give my life for him. I really need some help. He is a meth addict, has serious health problems but I really love ❤️ him. Does anyone have any advice for me I’m hurting.
  2. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Yumpele hello and welcome to the forum. I'm sorry that you are hurting. Being with an addict can be extremely challenging at times. I do not know why he would be acting that way , but it's not uncommon for an addict to be unpredictable . I understand that you love him, but are you sure you want to have a relationship with an active addict? You can be setting yourself up for a lot of heart ache for a long period of time. It may be possible to love him, without committing to a relationship .

    There are some support groups out there that can help you perhaps work on your own emotions while being with an addict. They can also teach things like setting and keeping boundaries, and how to best support an addict without enabling him.

    It's really easy to wrap your World around the addict, and lose yourself along the way . Codependency is quite common in these types of relationships, so that something to look out for. You deserve to be with a person who can offer you a healthy relationship . This is what I would like for you. You also deserve to be heard and seen in a relationship. You're worthy of that.

    Does this make sense?
  3. Yumpele

    Yumpele Member

    Yes this makes a lot of sense. We have been friends for over a quarter of a century .I will take your advice and look for support groups. What really sharpened my awareness was when you mentioned codependency and it’s something I should look out for
    Thank You for your reply
    Dominica likes this.
  4. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    My pleasure. Here anytime!!
  5. deanokat

    deanokat Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Yumpele... Welcome and thanks for sharing with us. Dominica has given you some excellent advice already. I would just add to tread very lightly when it comes to this relationship. I feel like there are more things that could go wrong than could go right. So please be careful. And definitely look for a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting in your area. I think they could really help you. You may also want to pick up a copy of the Melody Beattie book Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. It's a terrific read and full of super helpful information.

    We're here for you. If you need help, support, or just someone to listen, don't hesitate to reach out and lean on us.
  6. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    @Yumpele First welcome to the site and im sorry your going through this heartache,im a recovering meth addict and i will just give my best take on how i see thing's now that im sober,So first i lost everything i love,wife,home,kids,etc My wife is an amazing person who went through many years of sticking by my side as i struggled and unfortunately in the midst of addiction the sad reality is all that love and worry didn't change my addiction,i didn't start to understand what i had as far as love goes until I lost it.Now sober i struggle to re connect with the loved one's ive affected as really they tried so hard and basically had to move on with their lives,now i understand that but at the time i did not.Unfortunately your love cannot and will not change him,he absolutely has to care about himself before he can care about you,again i understand that now but didnt at the time.It sounds to me like the individual is not to concerned about his health if he is still using meth,and that alone tells me he is going to have a hard time being there for you,that doesn't mean he doesn't love you all it means is he is stuck in addiction's cycle and he has to break that on his own,meaning rehab,counseling,etc.It is not your fault and there is nothing wrong with you.Addiction is a terrible thing to watch a loved one go through,i again see that now but didnt at the time.The person you love needs help and it's not hard to get,however he has to want help you can't force it on him or it won't work.Stay Strong and God Bless
    Dominica and deanokat like this.