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Please read..I need support

Discussion in 'Methamphetamine / Meth' started by Kassidy2, Jun 12, 2019.

  1. Kassidy2

    Kassidy2 Member

    Hi I'm new. My name is Kassidy I'm 33 yrs old.........I used at the beginning of my pregnancy with my daughter before I knew I was prego. I stopped. Then 2 years later I had a son and during my pregnancy I used worse. I'm so ashamed. No one knows this. I dont how the hospital didnt see that my son was more than likely positive for meth. By the grace God. There is so much that has happened since. I've had 2 CPS cases both of them were from anonymous callers saying all the accusations towards my soon to be husband. We went through inpatient rehab for 3 months last march through june. We came home got our kids back. Then around September my fiance relapsed and I did too. Thanksgiving morning I woke up to find my fiance and daughter gone. I called his phone over and over but no answer. Immediately I felt something was so wrong. Then I get a call from police he had totalled the car with my daughter. They lived. He is facing felony DWI WITH A CHILD AND POSSESSION OF A CONTROLLED SUBSTANCE 1-4 GRAMS. THATS WHEN CPS GOT INVOLVED FOR 2ND TIME. MY MOM TOOK MY CHILDREN AND WE WENT TO COURT SPENT 25,000 ON ATTORNEY FOR MYSELF AND MY MOM SPENT 26,000 FOR HER ATTORNEY. LONG STORY SHORT, SHE HAS CUSTODY. SO I WOULDNT LOSE MY PARENTAL RIGHTS. CPS WAS GOING FOR MY RIGHTS. SINCE THEN I WAS 90 DAYS SOBER FROM DEC THROUGH MARCH. I RELAPSED AGAIN AND I FEEL SO ASHAMED AND I KNOW IM A FIGHTER I KNOW I CAN BE BETTER MY CHILDREN ARE MY EVERYTHING. MY FAMILY CANT STAND MY FIANCE BECAUSE THEY FEEL HE IS THE REASON FOR EVERYTHING. THEY DONT WANNA UNDERSTAND THIS DISEASE AND COMPARE ME TO MY FATHER WHO WAS A ADDICT AND NOW SERVING 30 YEARS FOR 4TH DWI. HES 62 YRS OLD. IVE ALWAYS BEEN COMPARED TO HIM. I AM MY FATHERS DAUGHTER. I WISH I GREW KNOWING THEIR DIVORCE WASNT MY FAULT AND HIS MISTAKES DIDNT DEFINE ME. BUT TO THEM, MY FAMILY, I AM HIM.
  2. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    @Kassidy2 hello and welcome. You have done the first good thing coming here and sharing your story. I do believe you can stop. You have those kids in your life and they need their Mom. Addiction has been known to be hereditary. It does run in families. There are many caring people here who want to help you. Are you clean now? Can you attend meetings?
  3. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Kassidy2 hey there. thanks for reaching out. i'm sorry for the pain that you have experienced throughout your life. if there's one thing i know about most people struggling with addiction, it's that they endured some sort of abuse or trauma as children.... and, yes, addiction is a brain disease..and not everyone will understand that. i know you don't want to relapse... and there are so many factors involved in why you do.... and we might not understand the whys... but we want you to know that we are here.... we hear you. we see you. we believe in you and will hold space for you as you navigate your recovery.

    how are you going at recovery these days? rehab? meetings? educating yourself? therapist? do you have an active plan? as you know, if you're not vigilant at recovery, you'll get bit in the ass. be vigilant.

    are you actively working with a therapist? not someone who will toss you a pill... but someone who will really get down and work with your psyche? your history? help provide tools for recovery and life? help you heal? i'm a firm advocate of support groups, working a program (whatever that means for you), and therapy. long-term therapy with a GOOD therapist...

    that's just me...

    please know that we are here to listen anytime. no judgment here. we will be here to root for you and cheer you on...even if you relapse. we're here to help you remember who you really are...underneath that addiction. the real you.

    <3
    Joshstillclean and deanokat like this.
  4. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Kassidy2... Welcome to the community. I'm so glad you found us and reached out. FYI, I replied to a post you made in another thread, so please look for that.

    We are here for you. You are NOT alone.
    Dominica and Joshstillclean like this.
  5. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Hi kassidy, I'm a recovering heroin addict(among other stuff, mostly valium and coke).
    I liked to speedball...
    But my point is I put my speedball shots ahead of my son too many times.
    I lost custody. My parents got custody.
    Long story short I'm out of all legal mess now back on good terms with my family, have custody now, and life is "normal" for me.

    Life is great actually! I never thought I would be able to say life was even worth living a few years ago. But truth is I look forward to waking up in the morning now.

    Wow just to be able to honestly say that... You can too.
    And I'm here, we all are here for that support that desperately need. And I understand that too.
    You are not alone in this.
    Dominica likes this.
  6. Kassidy2

    Kassidy2 Member

    Yes I'm 2 days clean. I can attend meetings I was going 3 or 4 times a week from December 2018 until I got my 90 day chip. Then I gradually stopped going and I relapsed with my fiance.
    Ibelieveinyou and deanokat like this.
  7. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    Your son has red hair! Thats so cool.
    Mine does too. If I'm looking for my son in a crowd the fastest way to pick him out is to look for the reddest hair in the room.
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  8. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    @Kassidy2... Congrats on your 2 days of sobriety!!! That's AWESOME!!! Just keep taking things a day at a time, or even an hour or minute at a time. Whatever it takes. And go to meetings! And then keep going to meetings. With addiction, complacency tends to provide fertile ground for relapse. Stick with it. Don't let your guard down. And keep doing the next right thing. For you and your kids!

    Big hugs full of hope coming your way!!!

    P.S. @Joshstillclean is also a "really big tree fell on his house" survivor. ;)
  9. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    That made me laugh...but its true.
    A really big tree fell on my house. And I was so happy I didn't use that day. Or at all for that matter. Cause if there was ever a reason to get high it was that day.

    But I came here and told everybody about it.
    I guess that tree is kinda metaphorical in a sense. I've never thought about that. I think that was the first time something big ever has happened (or small for that matter) and I didn't use it as an excuse to get high or drunk.

    That tree was a milestone in my life. It really was. It was a test that I passed.
    Ibelieveinyou, deanokat and Dominica like this.
  10. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    Can't forget that damn tree LMAO, @deanokat that made my day...thank you
    deanokat and Dominica like this.
  11. True concern

    True concern Community Champion

    DO you feel it yet?When I said you have Overcome,has it sunk in?The tree was a milestone is what you just said...bro you had a massive tree crash down on your home and you shrugged it off.Im so fuc*in proud of you
  12. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    How are you today, @Kassidy2? I’m hoping today is Day 3 for you. And that you’re feeling good. Happy Friday! Let us know how you’re doing. We care!
  13. Kassidy2

    Kassidy2 Member

    Aw......Actually he has blonde hair he gets from my mother and sister they were born with white blonde hair. Lol. It must be the lighting in the picture

    Attached Files:

  14. Dominica

    Dominica Author, Writer, Recovery Advocate Community Listener

    @Kassidy2 how precious!! :) that smile is amazing!
  15. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    still. you have a family to be proud of!
    Ibelieveinyou, deanokat and Kassidy2 like this.
  16. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Ibelieveinyou and Joshstillclean like this.
  17. DoxyMom

    DoxyMom Community Champion

    @Kassidy2 please be kind to yourself. Relapse happens. Pick yourself up dust yourself off and start all over again. You can do this! You need support. We can help but go back to the meetings.
    True concern and deanokat like this.
  18. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thinking of you today, @Kassidy2. I hope you're doing alright. If you have a chance, check in with us, okay? We're here. We care. And we understand.
    True concern likes this.
  19. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Community Champion

    waiting to hear back from you. hope all is well with you.
    and even if it's not all the more reason to hear back from you....
    deanokat likes this.
  20. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    This is true, @Kassidy2. We are here for you...no matter what.
    True concern and Joshstillclean like this.