Post knee surgery update

So last night I finally had my knee surgery after waiting for over 8 month's, all in all it went well instead of 3 holes I ended up with approximately 9 holes all around my knee.My meniscus was shredded and it had to be dissected where it was damaged and the torn pieces were removed, also I had several bone fragments removed caused by my stubbornness as I kept running after being told not to,I eventually stopped running when I could well barely walk,anyways last night and most of today I have been in extreme pain and honestly I love the pain I feel because it's different, it's not dope sick pain it's actual intense supposed to hurt type pain so in some weird way it makes me happy because everyday from here on out I get closer to being able to run again.So again in the middle of surgery I woke up,which sucks but I suffer from Cluster headaches and in the middle of surgery my head exploded,I didn't even feel the work being done on my knee as these headaches carry the nickname Suicide headaches for a reason,absolutely never felt any pain more intense.They didn't know what to do and while I was going in and out I gave the surgeon instructions on how to stop the headache,3 liters of oxygen directly in my nostrils and a massive dose of intravenous benadryl as well as covering my eye's to completely block any and all light,opioid pain meds are useless for this headaches but they tried before listening to me but after the shot me full of dilaud or hydromorphine (same thing)But the fact I was still awake and screaming from the pain in my head they finally listened and I then fell back asleep and they finished the knee surgery.This isn't the first time I woke during surgery so this time I remained calm and explained how to remedy the situation, despite all this I am blessed and extremely grateful for what the surgeon has done for me as he has given back a tool I rely on to remain sober and that is the ability to run,no longer do I seek self destruction rather I seek self healing through physical exercise and the goal is to counter all the physical and emotional problems I acquired while abusing drug's and alcohol and one day look in the mirror physically fit and full of self confidence. Addiction tried to destroy me and it nearly did,but through faith,opening up here on this site, and a new found love for myself and humanity as a whole I will overcome, I will succeed, I will not let addiction define me.I am meant for something bigger and only time will show me what that is.STAY STRONG AND GOD BLESS. You can beat this, you can crush the stigma,you can succeed, you can find true joy and happiness

I would very much like that,and who knows once I get back to running and training so I can make an attempt at joining the military and if I get in I very well could end up in a city close enough to you for basic training and if I do I will most definitely reach out and try to make that happen, and if I don't make it in I will have to go back to a civilian based job and as soon as I get vacation time I would make it happen that way as you are in a state that is very near family and friends I haven't seen in over 25 year's and I would love for them to meet the sober me.

@deanokat and @Dominica I am pretty overwhelmed,in a good way..I am just a recovering addict who struggled with life,addiction, and have been fighting my entire life to understand how,why,and yes I even thought I was meant purely to suffer until death.I don't hide behind my failures,I don't try to make it seem that I am special in any way because I am worth no more than anyone else,for me that's easy, it is a part of my soul...I apologized to my daughter last night face to face for what kind of life I lived while she was growing up, being drunk and high the entire time and I felt shame as I apologized for those memories she looked at me and said"Dad shut the fu*k up"I thought of sh*t here it comes..She then said "Why do you feel shame?though you were high all the time you explained the agony you were feeling and if you haven't noticed none of us use any drug's and had we not had you to tell us how bad It was,we probably would have tried it but none of us ever did or ever will,and that was put in our minds by you"She hugged me 4-5 time's last night and my heart healed a little more,what a feeling,to feel I was loved after not feeling that for almos 4 FULL year's, Then i talked to my wife about us and told her i don't and won't drink nor do i plan on doing any drug's ever period and my heart is healing so i need an answer on our marriage in no more than a month's time to which she said"I see the change and now I will give us some serious thought"I paraphrased both of their answers or responses to me as I was literally in a state of disbelief, but I think I worded it fairly close,anyways these word's I mean to the both of you.I love you both,with complete sincerity. I had all but accepted I was going to be dead soon,I had completely gave up on life itself,I started spilling my shame here to everyone and I received encouragement from so many people, however you two continued to give me hope and kept me focused on digging deep day in and day out,you encouraged every step of the way. Thank You both.Change is possible but the fight must be taken serious and if you do....You Can Get Your Life Back

That quote is spot on,100%true

The weight of the world indeed.i slept for 6 hour's straight last night....haven't done that in over 4 year's and I didn't wake up searching for my wife also the first time in over 4 year's

Thank You, my knee pain level all depends on what I am doing,but I will call it an average of 5-7 on a scale that goes from1-10

Thank You, I over did it yesterday a bit,I forced myself to walk without crutches or a cane and well today I know I was a dumbass yesterday so I'm going to just slow down a bit,even though I feel like I'm in turtle mode already

Just got my staples removed I give update in a few hours

wow, i don't come on the site for a few days and miss everything! True Concern (Arthur) I had no idea your knee surgery was so soon. I'm so glad you are through it and all of the blessings that are following!
I am feeling a little better every day and right now I am forcing myself to go into the pool. I would love it if the water wasn't so freezing. I am in Fl. so you would think the water would be warm but it is shaded and freezing. But, motion brings motion and I need to absolutely loose 20 lbs (weight is a trigger for me to use drugs to get thin...but guess what...when the drugs stop working which they always do...i don't even get thin yet still use!) and be able to walk up the steps and get out of my car easier. So one foot in front of the other...here I go.
My sponsor finally started me on my 1st step (we did them up to the 7th in 2015 but I don't remember much and she told me not to re read my writings) but in the 1st step I see how I have substituted food for drugs and in being clean can still be so unmanageable.
OK, I'll catch up with all your posts after or I'll never get in while the sun is out. I am hoping for at least 15 minutes of swim and exercises at the wall...nothing major...just breaking the ice LOL.