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Powerful Quote

Discussion in 'General Substance Abuse Discussion' started by deanokat, Jul 15, 2019.

  1. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I read this the other day and I can't even begin to tell you how much it resonated with me. Having spent my childhood with an alcoholic father, and now my adulthood with an addict/alcoholic son, I've heard "I'm sorry" probably thousands of times. Addicts like to apologize. But without taking the next step--changing their behavior--just what does an apology mean? This quote, I think, sums it up perfectly:

    "An apology without change is just manipulation."

    Wow. Just wow. That is so incredibly true, IMO.

    What do others think?
  2. cheffy

    cheffy Community Champion

    I think the key here is the difference between an apology with the intent to change and an apology without the intent to change which are both valid, right? It seems like most addicts apologize and intend to change, and WANT to change, but the change is so overwhelming that it doesn't happen. And there are many iterations of this until the change actually occurs. The whole idea of relapse for an addict - it's so hard not to relapse - says to me that an addict may apologize and very well intend to change (or should I say wish like hell they COULD change) many times over. I mean that's what we see all the time in an addict's life, don't we? In fact I was one of them, maybe still am :). The other thing to think about is that a addict may be apologizing for not being able to change, which is quite different than an apology with an intent to change. Kind of like saying, you know, I'm sorry you have to be part of this, but this is my destiny. For better or for worse, this is the way the world works.
  3. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    i'm guilty of many appologies without change. i honestlly wanted to though. i really did. and even tried. often times to the point of sheer agony. oh how i tried. i see what you are saying but i can see it from other angles as well. heck, this honestly makes me want to say i;m sorry for saying i'm sorry so many times. and the truth is i did at one point just decide my appologied meant nothing. the last time my dad bailed me out of jail i didn't bother to appologize. but i wish i would have. i don't know on this one. i think it really depends on the individual.
    do you see them trying to the point of having to be hospitalized? or are they just getting caught with ilegal weed all the time. i think many variables should be taken into acccount.
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  4. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    i agree with much of what you said here. thanks for sharing.
  5. Dominica

    Dominica Recovery Advocate @ Moving Beyond Codependency Community Listener

    i agree many factors involved. depends on those...
  6. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I agree with @cheffy too when it comes to addiction. But My wife gets mad when I say I'm sorry and it is within my control to change but I dont. She says Actions speak louder than words. She tells me this because I'm guilty of always saying sorry and not changing.
  7. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    Thanks to everyone for weighing in. Y'all have raised good points. I appreciate it.
  8. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Dean I love you man and truly appreciate your endless support however I respectfully disagree wholeheartedly.
    Do you agree addiction is a disease?Do you agree mental health also plays apart in addiction?I believe you do so in my opinion this quote is dangerous in it could make people begin to believe addiction is something that can just be erased,or mental health is a problem a person is ALONE able to fix.
    For me if addiction is a disease,if that's true what would a person do if someone with cancer apologized for having cancer?Would we feel manipulated if that apology came and they still had cancer?I don't think so,that being said I suppose it could be seen both ways,for instance if someone stole my money and apologized and did it again then perhaps it would feel like manipulation.
    Circumstances play a major role but as a blanket truth...I have to disagree
  9. cheffy

    cheffy Community Champion

    That's a very good point, a good way to look at it. I was thinking about this the other day and I think there are times where an addict might apologize with the intent to manipulate. An apology for something secondary, i.e., not apologizing for your disease, but using your sickness to apologize for something you just don't want to do. Kind of like if you say 'sorry, I can't vacuum the floor because I cut my finger and it hurts' when you know you can find a way around that and do the vacuuming. Taking advantage of people when you're sick. I think it ends up depending on the person and the situation at hand which isn't so easy to understand at times. If that happens too often, people stop believing you. The boy who cried 'wolf!'.
  10. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Addiction has been proven to be a disease but also is learned behaviors passed down from our parents or someone we look up to as kids.

    Science has figured out that people are susceptible to getting hooked on drugs because some do have less Serotonin receptors then normal people, Gene's that are passed down. The amount of serotonin will contribute to our feeling of well being.


    It dosnt seem fair that some people get to go through life with no chemical imbalance. I could only imagine how my life would turned out had i been naturally happy and motivated.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I have wondered for many many years the same thing my friend and I am guilty of dwelling for far too long over it and I'm thinking clearly now so I understand...All that time wondering and dwelling will never amount to a satisfactory answer or reasons as to why so I hope and pray I invest no more time asking questions only God can answer.Science is great but not the solution to everything,many disagree with me on this but a lot of things work out perfectly mathematically and scientifically on paper but they don't always work when put into action even if the science on paper was undeniable
  12. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    I agree brother life is way complicated. Not all solutions work and science is great for a understanding but not always great when put into action. There are too many life variables.

    I think it helps though to understand why we may be feeling a certain way or thinking a certain way but it dosnt change the fact that we are feeling that way unfortunately.
  13. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I get you, I will be honest I'm kinda pissed off at science right now.Part of the reason I went to jail and ended up with 2 broken hands was because I was very close to trying to kill myself because I had a reaction to depression medicine and I have never seriously thought about ending my life and I mean I was sooooo close and the only way I knew how to change the depression to a different emotion quickly was to get drunk fast.(Depression to Anger) add .750 ml vodka in 4-5 hour's.Yes it cost me some jail time and 2 broken hands but deep down I knew no other way to get out of such a almost life ending depression as I was literally already saying goodbye to people that morning. I have since quit all psych meds and my depression suddenly gone.....broken hands still here and possibly more jail time to come, I will find out next month in court. I suppose many may see this as from bad to worse but I'm still alive so for me its definitely a win.
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  14. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Alive is definitely a win. I'm very sensitive to SSRi drugs as well. They give me panic attacks and make me feel spacy not to mention all the side effects in the sex department.

    We need to talk about natural things brother. I know we are not the same but I have been dealing with the same things, I believe God put everything we need right here.
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  15. cheffy

    cheffy Community Champion

    I wonder if you take a printout of this and maybe some other posts the court will see things differently and not so judgmental?
  16. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I think in a truly compassionate world perhaps but unfortunately we do not and I have a bad record from my youth,granted that stuff is over 20 year's old but it would be my luck I would get that one judge.....That one male judge I told was looking mighty sexy in that long black dress:confused:yep I really said that dumb sh*t got me an extra 3 months:oops:it really wasn't worth it...However now remembering it I must admit I'm lmao.But hey I guess maybe its worth a shot:)
  17. deanokat

    deanokat DrugAbuse.com Community Organizer Community Listener

    I totally understand your point of view, @True concern.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  18. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    And I your's
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