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Discussion in 'Share Your Story Here' started by Bullwinkle, Oct 7, 2019.

  1. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I’ve never known anyone that doesn’t stereotype, so I attempt to avoid good and bad or marginalizing labels. I don’t shot the messenger, no human being is all one thing. I’m interested in everything. Anything earthy and beyond knows something I don’t know. Who am I, why am I here, I’m here to learn.

    In conversation, I don’t label myself with “my opinion” because it’s a given that it’s my opinion, otherwise I’d assign credit. My opinion changes, so if we agree and I change my mind, now we don’t agree.

    I can’t decide to feel happiness, joy, sorrow, empathy and compassion, these feelings happen as a result of observing and listening.
    Ecantu88 and Onceaddicted77 like this.
  2. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    Thanks for being here your insight and life experiences are invaluable I just want you to know that.

    Please dont take anything I say the wrong way I'm not here to argue I'm here to learn as well. I learn by asking people that may be smarter than me. Like you said maybe you know something I dont.

    I think everybody here has the ability to touch somebody else's life in a positive way and can add to someone elses knowledge base.

    Even if people dont understand or get what they are reading right away it sticks with you and one day you might have an epiphany. That's the beauty of knowledge and the never ending desire to keep learning.
    Ecantu88 likes this.
  3. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I haven’t taken anything you said wrong, I don’t do wrong, right, good, bad, and I don’t do smart, or wisdom, it’s just labels, I do experience. All belief is valid, as long as it’s not injurious. If I went to New Guinea, the natives experiential jungle knowledge would show me how ignorant I am. I’ve known many that were smart enough to jumped through hoops to get their book knowledge PhD, but with some, their experience was limited, because the book is as far as they had gone, they wear their doctorate on their sleeve. Experiential knowledge is the only true knowledge. Years ago I read a book on chainsaw sharpening, and watched a logger sharpen his chainsaw, it looked easy. 30+ years later of experience sharpening, I can teach it. but although I’ve gotten better, I’m still learning, for what ever I teach, is what I need to learn, it’s called practice. I wouldn’t hire an attorney or physician that didn’t practice. I’m old, born during WWII, but I can still get wood, primarily for heating my home and chopping wood keeps me in shape. I chop better today than 30+ years ago. The bottom line, I wasn’t born knowing anything other than my natural survival instincts, my mother.

    Yes, seeds of knowledge are planted and the epiphany as with all plants goes back to nature, completing the circle of paying it forward. I offer the tools, that were given to me by another, that was paying it forward.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  4. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    You sound like you are very self sufficient and understand that the basics of life bring us the most joy. I am the same way if it can be done I like to do it myself because it brings me joy to learn something new and get better at it.

    The labels thing is very hard for me but I can understand the importance of it when in conversation especially so people dont take something the wrong way by being labeled.

    I wish I had this desire to learn when I was younger I did not and hated school I never wanted to go I always thought I was smarter than everybody else and I think that was my biggest downfall. I was not a good person.

    I had a fear of drugs when I was a kid I was told they will kill you. When I tried them for my first time when I was 18 and didnt die, I thought everything was a lie. I had a hard time believing in what prople told me anymore which lead to even more of my downfall.

    I got clean from the drug of my choice opiates 5 months ago after a 8 year stretch. but I still struggle with motivation. I wonder if this is what normal feels like or if I still have receptors that havnt upregulated yet. Or maybe this is my new existence and I must adapt to this new way of life.

    I'm so confused. How do we live with these uncomfortable feelings now? Is this my new life, Domt get me wrong I am happy and feel accomplished for getting off my drug. I was on it for 8 years atleast. But how do I motivate myself again when I dont feel like doing it. I think I got so used to taking something to give me the motivation. I was never motivated growing up either and was very lazy I could've been anything I desired but I didnt know who I was or what I wanted or had the motivation to become it.

    I dont know if you have the answers I seek but I would very much enjoy to read some more of your experiences when you have time. Thanks for reading
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  5. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    With rural living, I tend to be very independent. I have an inexhaustible supply of wood along with a water well that pulls off an ancient aquifer, when the power goes out, I have gravity feed for many gallons of water and I can cook on the my wood stove. I have a generator for power, but eventually I hope to have solar. Many times with power outages, the phone line is still working, so my DSL internet powered by my generator works well. I use an older computer to avoid a spike from my generator due its dirty power. For years I had laying hens along with some vegetable gardening, but the hens became too much work trying to keep predators away. Preparing my wood is my favorite activity, it’s potentially dangerous, but the purpose at times gives my joy.

    Most of my friends and some that I worked with over the years had a calling from birth or from adolescences, I never have. This is why I lost interest, then moved on to something else and why I had so many careers. I was envious of those with a calling. Envy is the outside manifestation of self anger based on low self-esteem. Of the 7 capital sins, envy has no redeemable possibilities, it’s a dead end, it’s painful and the main reason I became addicted. The 12 Step model and psychotherapy help me for the most part eliminate envy, where today I enjoy others talent and salute them.
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
    Onceaddicted77 and True concern like this.
  6. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    That sounds nice up there. My wife is from Quebec and she tells me stories of her growing up as a kid. Firewood and oil is the most important thing next to food up there.

    My wife I think has been my biggest influence on the path to a better self. I'm not proud of it but I used alot of racist terms, its not that I hated other races because I had friends of all nationalities I guess its just the way I talked around certain people. But it was just learned behavior and ignorance. My wife taught me to be different, to not be ignorant. After all she comes from a very diverse family. There was no way I could claim ignorance anymore after the things she showed me and learned from history shows. I probably would have never watched them if it wasnt for her.

    I had alot of self hatred towards myself for not living up to my own expectations and I hated when She would watch shows like the Kardashians and I remember almost feeling like I hated them for what they have. Envy will steal all your joy. I learned it the hard way.

    I enjoy nice things and it was hard for me to appreciate what I have if I always wished for something better. It's a trap like addiction. There is always something better. Letting go of the love of money really helped me. I dont know if I'm fully there yet but it's something I like to work on.
    Joshstillclean and True concern like this.
  7. Bullwinkle

    Bullwinkle Community Champion

    I can’t accurately predict the results of my footwork, if I could, I’d be omnipotent. When I do the footwork and accept the results and move on, I’m serene, for my serenity is directly proportional to my level of acceptance. It’s easy to accept the results when I get my way, maturity is accepting the results when I don’t get my way.

    I’m still on my journey of understanding the difference between my wants and my needs, and over the years, the difference has gotten clearer. My needs are food, clothing, shelter, procreation, which are instinctual and this hasn’t changed from birth, possibly before birth. My wants were addictive materialistic fear based learned behavior, which is the symptom that temporarily eased my pain due to low self-esteem / I’m not enough-ism. When my pain relief subsided, it was directly related to losing interest in the material thing, then I was back into wanting. The wanting never gets it, for it only creates more wanting. There’s no difference between my relief of pain via drugs, than the relief I got from my wants being fulfilled.

    Materialistic behavior is possessiveness, and is another form of envy. If others have exclusive ownership of something that I don’t have, and I want it, but can’t have it, and I steal it, this is possessiveness engendered by envy. Throughout history, governments owned by the affluent power elite, wanting more money, colonize due to possessiveness of natural resources, and the vehicle is sometimes war.
  8. Onceaddicted77

    Onceaddicted77 Spam fighting Moderator & Realist Community Listener

    That makes alot of sense. I remember always wanting something so badly and then getting it and then it wears off fast. The commercial industry seems to feed into our addictions and by design. Capitalism is inherently evil.

    Companys must keep there shareholders happy by selling us more useless crap we dont need. So they come up with ways and study how to manipulate our feelings.

    I hope humanity evolves enough one day to care enough for each other and realize there is plenty for all of us here to have a good life.

    But with the power hungry Narcissists running the world I have my doubts we will ever become a level 1 civilization without some soul searching of our leaders.
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  9. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    Perfectly writen,and it's very unfortunate but true that the vehicle could sometimes be war.Your very intelligent my friend very well spoken,very thought provoking and you see the bigger picture which is rare but so enlightening to read
    Onceaddicted77 likes this.
  10. Joshstillclean

    Joshstillclean Stupidity Exists - Fact.

    i used to have money. and it was never enough. i fo not make much farming. i really dont- thats why i still work on vehicles part itme. eventually tho i will not need ot do that.

    money for me was like a drug. more money meant mroe time spent in strip clubs-more blow to do with people that were not really friends. mmore of everything that i did not need.

    i also decided to loose my firm grip on money, i of course provide for my son, i make us comfortable. but we are the happiest we have ever been since ive been working on resurecting this old farm. its fun. sonetimes its lonely, but i dont have the stress tha chasing money always brought with it.

    when i let out the animals every morning i see how happy and peaceful they are, they dont care about the things of this world. honestly, modeling my life after my lambs and chickens sounds crazy. but it is bringing me closer to serenity than i have ever experienced.
  11. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    That's beautiful brother, whatever it takes to stay sober
  12. True concern

    True concern Moderator

    I personally only had big money between 16-19 believe it or not but 70k a year was huge for a 16 year old,now I'm broke and could care less."Money never built a heart and rarely replaces one so even in the hell of detox I'm living my heaven because I believe I can achieve"
    Joshstillclean likes this.
  13. True concern

    True concern Moderator