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Quitting when a partner still partakes.

Discussion in 'Marijuana' started by starbaby, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. starbaby

    starbaby Member

    Hi all,

    I am writing this because I have been struggling with quitting marijuana. While I don't particularly think it is a harmful substance and I think it can be used in a responsible manner, it just doesn't work for me. I used to use it responsibly and feel like I can attribute getting over anxiety because of it.

    However, I overindulge too much now and spend far too many nights stoned, overeating, and being lazy. I have been wanting to quit for awhile and I have successfully cut back many times, the problem is that my long-term partner still smokes and I have trouble resisting when he is around. He is super responsible and successful; he owns some businesses and does a lot of work in the community, so he does not want to quit, and I wouldn't feel right asking him to.

    Have any of you ever encountered this? Any tips?
  2. jeremy2

    jeremy2 Community Champion

    It's good that you've finally acknowledged that you've a problem and that you're willing to do something about it. I suppose it's more easier to deal with a problem when you accept that there's something wrong with that habit. I would suggest you talk to your partner and express your feelings about this whole thing.It would be great if he was willing to support you by say,him smoking in another location far away from you.
  3. JoshPosh

    JoshPosh Community Champion

    Staying clean will not work if you don't have a good support group. Your significant other will bring back into the fold wether he is trying to do that or not. Being around you and smoking does not help the situation. Time to make a decision. A big one.
  4. bluedressed

    bluedressed Community Champion

    Well, maybe he likes to be inside and smoke a bong while watching the TV and that it is so important to him that he cannot change his habits for you... But trying to find a compromise would be the grownup thing to do, wouldn't it? When my cousin's (now ex-) girlfriend was pregnant, he started smoking outside-- tobacco, as well as weed in his pipe, while she stayed inside and did not really pay attention to his occasional comings and goings. If it's your long term partner, and you sound like you respect him and his choices a lot, I cannot imagine that you'd want to part ways with him over something like this. But you should try to make sure that your own intentions and wishes are not taking the backseat. If he smokes in front of you and you say clearly that you're struggling to do the best for yourself, it is a problem. It should not be brushed away. The two of you should figure out together how to fix it.
  5. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    I have been in a similar situation as you and trust me I understand where you are coming from. It is very tough when you are trying to stay clean and your partner isn't interested. Although you are very right in saying that it would be unfair to ask him to quit seeing as for him it is not a problem, the fact still remains that you his partner are struggling with the substance and it is a problem to you.

    I just feel that you should have a talk with him and tell him that though you don't expect him to quit, he is not helping matters with your decision to stay sober and that you need to come to a compromise. It really is all about give and take when in such situations. All the best with it.
  6. starbaby

    starbaby Member

    I guess I wasn't very clear about my partner's roll in this. He is definitely going out of his way to hide it from me. He smokes outside (we always did), and hides his stash. It is more knowing that it is there that is hard for me.

    I don't think this is a matter of "making a big decision" as someone said, because I don't think it is damaging to the relationship, it is something I know I can get over in this situation. It definitely is a give and take, like someone else mentioned, and he has done nothing but give in this relationship. He has been there for me through weight/food issues, anxiety issues, and my depression, so no, I won't let this push us apart. I mean, I have seen plenty of couples where one quits smoking, or gets fit, or whatever, and nobody suggests that they need to part ways.

    I am really just looking for tips to get through the cravings. I used to have weight issues, but now I can avoid any food, (even soft drinks which were my weakness and addiction, previous to weed), even if my partner is eating them beside me. I have no doubt that once I pass the beginning hard part of quitting, I will be in the clear. And to be open about my previous struggles, this doesn't compare to giving up coca cola! That was unbelievably hard - it is strange to imagine that something on store shelves could cause me worse addiction issues that any drug I have ever tried!
  7. missbishi

    missbishi Community Champion

    So you're already seeing positive benefits in that you no longer want to overeat. That's great news! Maybe ask yourself what you would prefer when you are tempted. Would you prefer a smoke right now or would you rather continue not having to worry about your weight?
  8. xTinx

    xTinx Community Champion

    Is there someone or some people you can rely on who may be able to serve as your eyes, nose and ears in case you start craving marijuana in an excessive and destructive manner? If you can think of one or so people, then don't hesitate to enlist their help. You can leave them the task of checking and balancing you.
  9. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    Alright, now the story is more clear and I get the bigger picture! At first I thought maybe he smoked right in front of you and so forth... he sounds like a great partner and you sound happy with him as well.

    I suppose since you have shown that you can get over an addiction or rather live through it then this marijuana one is also a possible done deal. I agree with xTinx that perhaps you should enlist help of those close to you and I think your boyfriend especially. Maybe he could make it easier by smoking away from you say out there and not in the house even if it is outside. All the best and hang in there.
  10. JoanMcWench

    JoanMcWench Community Champion

    Did you consider that perhaps he is hiding it from you in order to spare your feelings? It's rather difficult to openly do something someone else has made clear they are not interested in doing. Especially if you care for said person. You feel a guilt you normally would not feel. Here's a question:

    How comfortable would you feel if he were high as a kite but supportive in helping you not to smoke or focus on the smoking? Is that something you could deal with?
  11. kate23

    kate23 Member

    Think about everything that helped you when giving up coca cola. Did you distract yourself when thinking about it? Like with what - a book, the internet? Did you find something else (preferably healthy) to drink or eat, to act as a substitute in a way?

    If you were able to give up coca cola, which is pretty much everywhere so hard to get away from and forget about, then you should be able to give up marijuana in the same way. Just remember what you did before and remember that it worked. Good luck!
  12. Rowe992

    Rowe992 Senior Contributor

    Well you have to quite smoking for yourself and then maybe your partner will follow suite. When you are trying to quit and you have someone around you that smokes then it becomes more difficult. Maybe you can ask your partner to stop smoking around you because you are trying to quit.
  13. elles-belles

    elles-belles Community Champion

    kate23 makes a good point! You gave conquered one addiction before and a tough one as you even said yourself! I am sure that whatever strategy you used for quitting the coca cola you can implement the same effort and determination with quitting marijuana.

    I suppose that you have to set the right attitude and sounds like your partner is in support.
  14. tasha

    tasha Community Listener Community Listener

    Fantastic!! now what you need is an understanding partner and if your relationship is strong enough and your partner loves you, then letting them know that you want to quit and that you need support will be easy. They can either chose to quit with you or make life easier for you by smoking where you are not present. Just tell your partner that you want to quit, that you feel it is destroying your life and that you would appreciate if he could help you by supporting the decision in any way that he can. If he loves you he will help in any way!!